I've remained friends with some girls that I've slept with - partially because I like them and partially because they aren't smart enough or motivated enough to
cut me off. On a number of occasions these girls have attempted to use me to make the new guy that they like jealous. Normally this involves them taking pictures with me (in which they get abnormally close so that the dude thinks I like her) and then posting them on Facebook. It has also involved them asking me to show up with them where they know the guy that they like will be, or else flirting with me in in front of him when we are out. Besides being somewhat pathetic, this strategy is also ineffective.
If I see a girl flirting with another guy, I will respond in one of three ways, depending on how interested in her I am:
- If I am really interested in her, I will either be disappointed and give up, or ignore what I saw and give it my best shot with her later on (depending on how convinced I am that I can trump the guy she is flirting with).
- If I am kind of interested in her, but not completely, I won't care.
- If I am not interested in her, I won't notice.
A lot of women get insanely jealous when a guy they like is showing interest in another girl. This partially explains
why they think it will work on men. However, even men get somewhat jealous when a girl that they like is giving attention to another guy - so it isn't purely a female phenomenon. Here is the thing: if you are in a situation in which you feel the need to make a guy like you more - that is, a situation in which he isn't showing as much interest as you'd like, or he is
out of your league - then there is zero chance that he will respond to your attempts at making him jealous. The jealousy you feel when he shows interest to other girls is facilitated by your desire for him; it cannot exist (and much less, be created) in a situation in which you like him more than he likes you.
This is interesting and I do agree. However, now you are speaking from the perspective of a man that has mainly been used to make others jealous; you see the obvious reason behind it and how it is somewhat pathetic. But this may have been done to you without you realizing it, as can it with other men. Of course they may realize what a woman is doing and call her bluff, in which case it is meaningless. But men DO get jealous, in fact (I think I've read) they are more sexually jealous than women are and slightly more territorial.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the concept that deliberately making someone jealous is a bad idea. I have never done these things, other than meeting new men in an attempt to get over an old one (and I think the various pictures with other men on facebook will make a woman appear a bit slutty, don't you think?). When jealousy actually occurs, it is always uncomfortable. I have never had a man been jealous and think finally!, it is always the ones you don't want to make jealous or someone you like, but they get angry, not affectionate.
I think you're a bit "meh" in your post though. I understand the need to have girls quit that behaviour, for everybody's sake, but if you really like a girl, does it take that little to make you give up? Then you surely don't like her a lot. What about all your posts on how you make a guy work for it and put up obstacles to prove his interest? (Fair enough, creating jealousy is not the way to do that, but concept is the same - guys who give up easily were not really interested, or just in it for the sex).
I think many girls do this to guys whom have even proven to like them, they just want to awaken some more adrenaline or to see if he gets possessive by the thought of losing you to another man. And I have overheard stories from friends, it has worked before. But no, of course it doesn't create a healthy relationship.
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I remember having a conversation with my boyfriend once about this.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to him about how, for a woman, knowing other women are interested in her boyfriend/husband generally is a good thing. It works to make him more attractive to her when she sees that other women are interested. It confirms to her that he's a good catch.
My boyfriend didn't understand this at all. He said that in his perfect world, he would be the only guy that found me attractive. He said that although it's nice to know other men find me attractive, it doesn't make me any more attractive to him and he would rather I didn't get any attention from them.
Now, I'm not sure if all men think like my boyfriend does, but I know most of my girl friends would enjoy dating a guy who attracts other girls (so long as there aren't any trust issues). My theory is that it just illustrates one of the differences between men and women. Seems like social status is something that's a bigger factor for women than it is for men.
Yeah I'll be honest with you, most of us guys don't find our women any more attractive when they do that. We just feel more threatened. It's no offense to you girls, we love our women to pieces, but knowing that a bunch of other men want to bed our girls isn't a good feeling, nor does it make us more attracted to them. I already know how much of a catch my girlfriend is, I don't need a bunch of other men ogling her to confirm it. I knew it the moment we first met how special she is and don't need such confirmations.
DeleteMy girlfriend did admit that she likes it when I get jealous though, because according to her it's a confirmation of love. Which makes me think that she deliberately told me about those men at a company meeting calling her beautiful in order to make me jealous. I always thought jealousy seemed a bit unbecoming, but then I must admit my girlfriend getting jealous does give me a good feeling. I guess this type of thing is hardwired into all of us.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to be the opposite of how other women are.
DeleteI always back off immediately, when another woman wants the guy I'm interested in. Maybe it's because of low self-esteem, I don't know. I just don't DO competition, and I don't get jealous. I only get sad and then I walk away. I would actually be fine if my bf had sex with other women, as long as I get what I need & want. ;)
And as long as I don't have to see them flirting in front of me...
--Jen
"I think you're a bit "meh" in your post though. I understand the need to have girls quit that behaviour, for everybody's sake, but if you really like a girl, does it take that little to make you give up? Then you surely don't like her a lot. What about all your posts on how you make a guy work for it and put up obstacles to prove his interest?"
ReplyDeleteI didn't say that I would categorically give up; I said that in some situations I would persevere. I see what you mean, though and probably should have thought more about how I worded this, since I do see how it comes off a bit too "meh." (You will notice that I have since adjusted it slightly.) I was a little careless about that part of the post because it wasn't my main point.
My main point is that when it comes to girls that are interested in making me more attracted to them, her flirting with someone else will not achieve anything. As for the stories you heard from friends, I would consider who had the upper hand in those situations. I'm not denying that your girlfriends did make the guys jealous, but probably they didn't need to do so.
Em,
ReplyDeleteI've come across guys like your ex, but I am not like that myself, and neither are enough other guys that I doubt the difference between those who get jealous and don't is as simple as male/female. Personally, the more other men lust after my girl, the more proud I am of my ability to get her. I would never date a girl only because I knew other guys wanted her; but once she's mine, I would like to know that I have something special and hard to get.
I haven't put much thought into this, but after just now considering it, I think the difference might come down to how much trust there is between the couple. Perhaps all men want their wife to be both desirable (which implies desired) and faithful.
If the man trusts that his wife will be faithful, then his desire for her to be wanted by other men overrides any concern. However, if he believes she might cheat on him, his desire for her to be wanted is superseded by his desire for her fidelity.
Because more men pursue desirable women, fidelity and desirability are at odds when there is no trust.
Not sure if this is a good theory but at first glance it seems to make sense.
I don't think that who gets jealous and who doesn't is as simple as being male/female, just that men and women handle jealousy differently. I think jealousy is a more effective strategy for causing attraction in women than it is in men because women are attracted to high status men. If I start dating a guy and my friends don't think he's attractive, and his exes are ugly or nonexistent, and it seems like no other girls are interested in him, he becomes less attractive to me. Sad fact of life: women are easily swayed by the opinions of other women.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you don't think the same as my boyfriend did! Your post on men having different taste:
"I’ve also found that when I agree with a friend that a girl is extremely attractive, her attractiveness tends to lose its initial effect quickly. "
Sounds to me like a similar phenomenon? :)
True.
DeleteI was actually discussing this with some friends recently, and while there was some scepticism like there is with any generalization, they couldn't disprove the idea as fact. women refer much to their peers, even predecessors, when considering possible mates. jealousy is rife among females, not only in the field of relationships.
Men are more single-minded, and have a pioneering nature, to the extent that, if a man wants a woman enough, he won't give a damn about other's opinions. her potential suitors, or lack thereof, will be not worth considering against his interest for her.
this may come from the fact that women are more socially involved than men, and place more importance on status. Am I right?
would this be one of the reasons why (some) women may be attracted to promiscuous men, in a similar way that (some) men are attracted to virgins - (although this seems to be changing rapidly) ?
Em,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you except for the last point.
What I meant in the post about men having different taste was related only to appearance - nothing to do with jealousy. I meant that the girls that you see and immediately think "wow she is hot" (and everyone thinks the same) are also those that you will realize 15 minutes later aren't quite as hot as you thought initially. Girls like that are like a catchy pop song: you listen to it the first time, love it, overplay it for two weeks, and get sick of it quickly to the point that you never want to hear it again. The girls whose looks "grow on you" are the ones that you never lose appreciation for.
Does it make sense how that is a different phenomenon from losing interest in a girl because other guys don't like her?
"I meant that the girls that you see and immediately think "wow she is hot" (and everyone thinks the same) are also those that you will realize 15 minutes later aren't quite as hot as you thought initially. Girls like that are like a catchy pop song: you listen to it the first time, love it, overplay it for two weeks, and get sick of it quickly to the point that you never want to hear it again. The girls whose looks "grow on you" are the ones that you never lose appreciation for."
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly makes a girl like that? Is it because she's ridden with makeup and is wearing tight clothing but isn't really attractive underneath it all? Or is it just a certain "look"?
How do I know a guy won't feel that way about the way I look over time? :(
Honestly, I don't know for sure. It's just about as complicated of a question as asking what makes a cheesy pop song so catchy but short-lived compared to the songs that stick. Maybe its a MORE complicated question even, since people are a hell of a lot more complicated than music. I don't know for sure, but here's my best shot:
ReplyDeleteThis might sound cheesy, but I think as long as you let your inner beauty shine through, you'll be OK. This does not mean less or more makeup, and it doesn't mean just "being yourself" (i.e. not trying); it means using the right kind of makeup for your skin color, etc. It means revealing your natural form by going to the gym (your natural form is NOT fat). It means taking care of your hair and grooming. It means wearing clothes that compliment your personality, complexion, etc.
If you achieve this natural look, your un-made up look will sync with your made up look, and guys won't see a sharp contrast, then get turned off.
Caked on makeup never looks good btw.
RR-
ReplyDeleteYeah thanks for clarifying.
I've heard a few men say that they are a lot more attracted to a woman if there are other men interested in her. Some of my friends have said they prefer other women not to be interested in the men they like/are dating/are married to. I prefer to know that a guy who likes me is also attractive to other women. (Shallow, I know.) I suspect this is not a "difference between men and women" thing but just a question of personal preference or personality.
ReplyDelete"I prefer to know that a guy who likes me is also attractive to other women. (Shallow, I know.)"
ReplyDeleteWhy is that shallow? We seek external affirmation for all kinds of preferences - our taste in clothes, music, etc. Why not also in our taste for men or women?
Obviously there is an extreme in which you allow others' opinions to dominate or replace your own, but I think an ignorance of others' opinions entirely is only possible when you are completely close-minded, and this is just as unhealthy as the opposite extreme (having no opinion of your own). Normal humans are constantly bouncing their opinions off the wall of society, refining and refocusing them depending on the feedback they get. We do this not because we are insecure about our own opinions, but because we know that we (alone) are not privy to all of the information that is necessary to make a good or complete judgement. We are simply recognizing our limitations and using the common sense of the people around us as a guiding framework for our perceptions - or at least, a cross-check for them.
I once went out on a date with a girl who was really into me. On the third date we went to some bar that she frequented and then she left me at the bar to go select a song from a juke box in the bar. She was over at the juke box for a few minutes and then I saw some guy come up to her and start grinding with her while dancing. I remember thinking to myself, "What in the hell is this bitch doing?" If she hadn't left her purse on the bar stool next to me, I would have gotten up and left. She came back over a few minutes later and acted like she hadn't done anything wrong. When I informed her of how disrespectful she had been, she tried to turn the tables as though I was being unreasonable. The messed up thing is that I think she wanted me more after I stood up to her, although in my mind her behavior caused me to completely write her off as relationship material. She even mentioned later on during the date that she thought we would get married (which seemed like a crazy thing to mention on a 3rd date). She invited herself over to my place and then asked me to have sex with her. However, I was so disgusted by her crappy behavior that I never asked her out again and she was probably clueless as to why.
ReplyDeleteTotally man. I would have done exactly the same thing.
DeleteShe is around 30 years old and is one of those women who hangs out at bars a lot and apparently thinks that she is more attractive than she really is because guys hit on her at bars. Women like that are just a huge pain in the ass.
DeleteDid you see this post yet? Women Get To Play Out Of Their League
DeleteYes, I did see that post and it is right on the mark. It amazes me how delusional some women are - they all want the same men. Now, the hottest women are capable of securing the most attractive men, but the average-looking women also think that they can get the same men. Unless a man has a serious deficiency of confidence or has some type of abnormal fetish, few men are going to settle down with a woman who is less attractive than they are.
Deletekurt you sound like a bitter woman hater with a shriveled penis
Deletekurt did you sex her up then? good man. lol
Deletefunny thing, I've never seen it that way - meaning the women pre-selecting and giving more "points" to their man when he's attractive to other women. so much for evidence of the female ego existence.. however, it looks like this factor, coupled with the male desire for sexual variety, leads to many women shooting themselves in the foot.
from a male point of view: don't personally know any guys who would feel 'validated' if their girl was attractive and flirty to other men. because we men may be confident in ourselves, but we're mostly competitive/even distrustful towards other men.
I want to add something to this, about what girls' reasons are.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right about the fact that most of what girls do to guys they do because they've had it done to them and they don't realize it doesn't work the other way around.
But I think a lot of women are aware that provoking jealousy will not create feelings that are not there initially. One option is that the guy is playing a bit hard to get or is not very open with his affection (even though he has the potential to be very jealous, after all there are guys like that. But I think this blog is based on men who will always actively pursue women and display their affection).
Another, more important reason, is that a jealous situation can sometimes 'open your eyes' to the fact that you have feelings for this person. Let's say I've been observing or even dating or sleeping with a guy, I consider the situation 'casual' and don't really spend much time thinking about him. But when I see him with another girl, a possessive strike sets in, and I realize that I am in fact interest. I don't think this means that you are not in touch with your own emotions. You could be repressing them, could be focusing on someone else, could be you honestly didn't know. That might be the goal for some women - to 'wake up' something that is there.
I have personally experienced going out with guys that blow a bit hot and cold. But when faced with the idea that I might see someone else, they get a tad jealous (I must add that I didn't try to make him jealous - he simply responded to the fact that a guy he knew had written on my facebook wall).
So some guys are actually interested without being so public about it. And I'm sure girls want to bring that interest forward.
"but if you really like a girl, does it take that little to make you give up? Then you surely don't like her a lot. "
ReplyDeleteIt takes two. Just because you like a girl, doesn't mean she likes you back. If she doesn't (or at least it reasonably seems so - which can be achieved unintentionally by trying to make a guy jealous), giving up is actually a considerate thing to do. Those who don't are called stalkers.
So true. A guy that seems as or more interested in another woman I will stop showing interest in. I may still show interest as a friend but I will not give away that I fancy him in any other way. Playing the jealousy card on me is lost, I will never admit to jealousy but give up. Sad. And stupid.
DeleteGuys that wants to play games can go play them with someone else, I am not up for them
Ann
Since men are aware that women get very jealous, it is reasonable for them to provoke it at times. Do you know many guys / are familiar with men who intentionally make women jealous?
ReplyDeleteI believe I am experiencing it now with a guy I'm seeing, he is quite emotional and have 'childlike' tendencies (I like him in spite of this). Any advice on how to recognize it and eventually deal with it?
Any guy familiar with "game" will use jealousy tactics. I use them sometimes, but only a little bit here and there. Just last night I was on a date with a girl at a bar where I'd also dated the girl who was waiting on us. I flirted a little with the waitress in front of my date, but not so much that I was shoving it in her face. The way I see it, by doing that, I am boosting my own value (showing her I can get other girls) while simultaneously making my date feel good about herself because she is with me. It also gives the waitress an excuse to tell herself I am still into her. Everyone wins. If you overdo it, though, you risk hurting your date/girlfriend/wife's feelings.
DeleteThe best way to deal with a guy who does this is to ignore it. Most men will only do it in the early stages of a relationship. If it persists after a couple months, confront him (camly) about it, and tell him you don't like when he does it. If it STILL persists, dump him.
See, we work the same way: If he is clearly flirting with and seem to be into another woman, then I give up and treat our future dinners/coffes/get-togethers as a friendship thing, because I "know" that he is into someone else. And I really think he is.
DeleteHappended plenty of times in the past - and then much later, when I had already mvoed on, it often turned out that the man (it happened several times) was flirting just to see my reaction, use what you call "jealousy tactics".
I'm not going to crawl for anyone, if he doesn't seem interested, I will not give away that I am (unless you look into my eyes, where I can't hide it. In every other way I can. I don't do jealousy)
Wow, if I were on a date with a guy and he started flirting with another woman, I doubt I'd go out with him again. I'd find it super tacky for a guy to flirt with someone else when he's supposed to be on a date with me. It wouldn't improve his value in my eyes, it would decrease it. What would increase his value would be if a girl tried to flirt with him and he didn't flirt back. That would show me he respects me.
DeleteGuys please I need some help here.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfrend dumped me after 2 years of relationship. We were living together and trying for a child. He was attracted to me quite a lot physically, but my behavior was pushing him away. Since the beginning of our relationshp he seemed to be not so into me. He didn't have to try too much to get me. I was doing mistakes like initiating contact etc. His declining interest made me feel needy, insecure and angry. I started reacting badly, fighting and blaming him until we became totally disconnected.
Even though we were living together he would almost never call me or text me during the day or make plans with me. He was not initiating contact. I could go visit my parents for 3 days without hearing from him. Day to day I was the one asking him out, trying to make plans to spend time with him whereas he was resisting. Often he would plainly refuse to spend time with me.
Until he dumped me. I was smart enough to accept the breakup an not beg him to stay. Of course I was devastated inside. He started going out with other people including other girls, while we were still having post-breakup sex.
I went on holiday for 1 month without contacting him at all. He called me only on the day of my birthday and I didn't pick up.
Upon my return I asked him for separate bedrooms. He said maybe we should continue our relationship. I said no. I started dating other guys. He started going out a lot, everyday he had planned something: drinks with a girl, with a group of girls, with his buddy to chase girls, doing sports, seeing family, colleagues, all sorts of things. In 1 month he went out with the whole city except with me. He never asked me on a date even though he tried to hug me and have sex with me (I refused). I pretended I didn't care. I was not asking where he is going. I didnt act jealous.
I went on dates and stayed out of the house some nights, making him think that I slept with another guy (I didn't). He seemed jealous and asking questions. He said he wants to hit the guy I'm seeing. He came hugging me in a very tender way. But he didn't offer to do things together and didn't clearly propose to be together again. I had to say "I was under the impression that you wanted to get back together again" and he replied that it's something that he thinks about several times a day.
So guys please tell me what you think. Is it hopeless? Should I simply move on? If he is not pursuing me is because he's not enough into me, right? Can jealousy work in this case? thnksss
I think it is hopeless. You should move out, and start fresh. Improve your appearance, keep yourself busy and be as social as possible.
DeleteI have a friend who was in a similar situation. If you stay in a bad relationship for a long time, you lose perspective and you forget what a relationship is supposed to be like. Staying with someone who's not in love with you and is most likely with you for convenience will eat away at your self esteem. You start focusing on the minor things he's done/said that are positive. Even if he does give you a tender hug or occasionally act a bit jealous, he has not made sincere effort for you to be together, not when you started going out, and not now. He even broke up with you.
There is someone out there who will want to be with you and treat you with respect. Someone who will choose you, rather than treat you like an option. And I think everyone deserves that.
This is just my opinion and of course I don't know you.
PS. I don't like "post breakup sex" being used as a term, as if it is remotely normal. It is not normal or healthy, and it is never a good idea.
OK - seriously. He basically slept with the whole city and you are pining away???? Let's think about this... time to move on. If someone remotely shows interest in anyone else I am gone. I should be the one they want to be with, thinking of ... ALL THE TIME.
Deletethanks so much for your reply. It made feel better.
ReplyDeleteI fully agree about your comment on post break up sex, I used it as a quick way to refer to it.
I don't believe in it and this is why I am not doing it anymore. I am in a clear-cut separation and I am happy about it. It's going to be all or nothing (marriage or goodbye).
Or rather
ReplyDeleteit's going to be all or nothing, a renewed relationship with reciprocal attraction, magic and romance or goodbye.
Do you think a woman should be careful regarding situations where a man might THINK she is trying to make him jealous?
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your post, at 22, it strikes me that men will interpret things the way they see it. I recently had a situation with a guy where it seemed like he thought there might be room for something between us when clearly there was not.
If a woman has male friends, should she play that down? Say I was dating someone for two months, we never agreed to be exclusive, he hasn't contacted me in several weeks and I got back out there, will me going out with someone else be interpreted as "trying to make him jealous"? How does one know these things? I don't upload photos with me kissing some random guy but I've had new male facebook friends and a couple of photos. Surely these things are up for interpretation?
"Do you think a woman should be careful regarding situations where a man might THINK she is trying to make him jealous?"
DeleteYes, if possible.
"If a woman has male friends, should she play that down?"
Not if they are genuine friends (as opposed to men who you are attracted to and secretly wish you could date.
"will me going out with someone else be interpreted as 'trying to make him jealous?'"
Probably not, but even if it did, who cares? He missed his chance with you anyway, forget about his opinion.
"Surely these things are up for interpretation?"
As are all things. It is always smart to be cognizant of how your words or actions COULD be interpreted.
I would love some feedback on my situation, I am single but I have an ex boyfriend who is constantly commenting and "liking" everything I do on Facebook. I kind of feel like he's cyber cock-blocking because I feel like for men looking at my page they might think there is something going on between us, then they can look at his page and he has pics of me from the past etc. what's even worse is that he is not attractive! Anyway, is there any way that this horrible situation could be to my advantage or do I need to take action to put a stop to it?
ReplyDeleteHappened to me. First I removed him from my friends list so he couldn't see what I did online. Then he started to answer any comment I did on any common friend's status updates, so I stopped commenting on the statuses of any common friends, I would send emails instead, and not even "like" their statuses.
DeleteIn the end I blocked my ex completely. We still talk from time to time (we live in totally different areas/cities so we don't see each other, but we talk now and then - we were together for a long time and knew each other even longer and it's good to talk a few times a year to get an update on families, what's going on etc.) But on FB we will never again be connected. He does read my blog though, but I am anonymous there and that's OK.
(And yes, you need to take action, it signalises that you are taken, but you are not)
DeleteAnn
Thanks. I was afraid of that.
DeleteIn other words, if a guy I actually like (or men I could potentially like) sees this, does it make me look less or more attractive?
ReplyDeleteVery interesting post and comments. Something that I find confusing is when some girls' male friends(who have girlfriends)and who do not have romantic interest in their female friends, appear to sometimes get angry, sullen, jealous and hover around them when they're talking to other guys. Why do some guys care who their female friends talk to if they already have girlfriends and are not even romantically interested in said female friends?
ReplyDeleteQuestion from a friend of mine - how much does it matter if you have a guy with you in your facebook profile picture?
ReplyDeleteSay you're an attractive girl and your current profile pic is with an (attractive) male friend - could it scare men away? What's your opinion?
It won't ?make or break anything. It isn't worth worrying about.
DeleteNeed advice girl I like and I think she likes like me because she is always staring at me recentlyi saw her holding hands with other man but she kept looking at me.should i give up or just tell how I feel ?would a woman date a another man just to make a man jealous?
DeleteWhen a guy I like flirts, checks out, or gives lots of attention to other girls, I get annoyed and like them less for it. When girls give him a lot of attention and he brushes it off I find that attractive. He is desirable but leaves his attention on me. I think that's how it is for guys too. When lots of other guys are giving her attention yet her eyes are all still for you, then you feel like you won a reall prize.
ReplyDeleteI find it puts me off when a bloke does that too because it makes it obvious that the guy is hedging his bets, clearly isn't into you, or is convincing himself that he is more into you than he actually is.
DeleteYup. A guy does that to me, I'm out. Forget that crap. There are plenty of men out there who will value me and treat me with the same respect I give them.
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A woman can make a man jealous and cause him to pursue her. I had a girlfriend who did (for a few minutes before she overplayed it and convinced me he was her new boyfriend). Curiously, seventeen years later, when I told her I was engaged, she broke down. The problem is that there is a narrow range between the other guy isn't a threat and the other guy is her new boyfriend, and no woman found it (except for the one who tried to make me jealous with a guy who tried to pick me up, her ignoring that was not believeable, however, she had broken up with me months earlier, so I thought she was just mad at me.)
ReplyDeleteMost guys that aren't alpha-douches have a non-compete clause with other guys, because most guys are deathly alergic to drama. I barely interact with girls that my friends have expressed interest in. Guys only experience jealousy within relationships.
ReplyDeleteA word of advice a girlfriend of mine gave me a few years ago that I haven't forgotten and is worth listening to. Don't play jealousy games with men you like or be prepared to cry. It's true because we as women are generally more emotional than men, so when the guy makes his own move, to even the score, we will be hurt and react, basically losing our cool. men are more competitive than us by nature and will go farther than women to one up. It's a waste of time. Don't even bother. Its childish and unattractive anyhow.
ReplyDeleteI wrote the above post and forgot add that I think its very sweet of you, Andrew, to spend some of your free time helping women with your advice. I bet you have sisters or a single mother. Either way some good karma coming to ya :)
ReplyDeletealready making plans to get married before we broke up recently. I like to admit that we did have our differences and we had a few fights often but we always got out of it. About 3 weeks ago, I literarily caught him flirting with a very close friend of mine, it’s totally unacceptable to me and that led to a separation. We broke up after that incident and I told him I never want to see him again. At this moment, it’s barely two weeks ago and I miss him already. I don’t want to lose my ex boyfriend to any gold digger. I want to know how to attract my boyfriend to me again, I need to know how to win his heart get my ex back into my life? I called him several times and he would not even pick up his phone. I don’t care if I have to use psychological tricks or tips advice to win back his heart after the break up. Everything I’ve tried to do seems not to be working. I love my boyfriend, he loved me and I don’t know what to do or say. He was the one who cheated on me and I’m to forgive him. But he didn’t even try to reconcile. I know he loves me, but my best friend whom he flirted with is trying to steal my boyfriend away from me,I need to reconnect and reunite our
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Need advice.girl I like and I think she likes me because she always looks at me.recently I saw her holding hands with other man but she kept looking at me.should I make a move or give up?
ReplyDeleteI need some advice. What do you make of this situation? I was in New Zealand for a year and had a fling with this local guy. He was always shy and nervous around me, yet always confident with other girls. He never made an attempt to be exclusive though. At some point I told him that I was romantically interested, but he replied that he would never get too emotionally attached, because “he can’t win seeing as I was going to leave the country again”. Even though he said that he wasn’t emotionally interested, why would he get jealous if I talked to other guys then?
ReplyDeleteLong story short, nothing became of us and I left the country. After several years, I catched up with him recently, because he was visiting Europe and happened to be in my city.
Again, he was unbelievably shy around me and barely said two words. He spent a great deal looking at me, but avoided eye contact as soon as I looked at him. He also got jealous again, because he thought I was hitting on his friend. Plus he repeatedly made really weird comments about how he liked my city and that he could imagine living here if there was an ocean somewhere nearby.
What is it with him? He irritated me then and he still does now? Is he a player?? Or do some guys just get jealous with any girl they are with- emotionally attached or not.
Sounds like desires and realities bumping up against each other. I would say he was attracted to you, and if he could have his heart's desire, would have pursued a relationship. When he is physically with you, he wants your attention. However, the reality of your lives, living in different countries, his own insecurities, whatever else, stopped him from taking the plunge.
DeleteYou can easily make a guy jealous, and it does work for some definition of work. A tiny bit of it can be used to demonstrate value (everyone else wants the person making the guy jealous) and in some cases to get a commitment if desired. HOWEVER - most of the time, all making a guy jealous does is torment him and generate bad feeling. If the man is insecure, it makes him chase you hard, but men who are insecure this way are often players and will only continue the chase if you continue to treat them like garbage... which would make a horrible relationship if you're trying for that.
ReplyDeleteHowever - if badly executed, you look stupid. I left that part out. The guy needs to have invested in you in some way or it won't work.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I had a guy trying to make me jealous! He got dressed up and then came to my door and told me he was going to the pub. I knew that he was just being nasty and trying to piss me off so in the conversation, told him I'm not bothered and that I like someone else better.
ReplyDeleteHe came back after and told me he was just trying to make me jealous, but I was past caring and wasn't planning to stick around with him anyway, so his plan was useless.
See, no man can determine my reality, just the same as no man is to special or important to be put in his place and told no to.
I actually slept with this man a few times. I can remember coming to my scenes and realized I had better things to do with my time, so got up out of bed and told him he best go as I'd planned to do my fitness DVD. He asked for cuddles and wasn't to sure what he was doing in my bed still after 10 minuets of going down stairs for my workout.
At the end of the day, if you can't fall in love with someone, then there really isn't much care past the ego so with him trying to make me jealous was an epic fail, lol. But nevertheless, I did get the opportunity to learn a great deal about men's behavior, so it was an invaluable learning experience that simply couldn't be brought out the shops.
See, I get it now that women are hardwired to instinctively think long term and to wanting relationships (marriage etc) as we have a pair-bonding strategy hardwired into the brain. Where as men, they have different psychological factors going on in their brain. Perhaps when interacting with women, it doesn't come natural on some levels to think about being committed to one woman etc (meaning they will take each interaction as it comes unless they are impressed enough to want more).
In future, when I plan to actually date that is, I will keep my options open to anything between 1-4 men, see them all (not talking about being promiscuous that is), just to chill out, have a laugh and be present in the moment.
Actually, I will be so daring to say that a man would really appreciate a woman doing so as it doesn't put any pressure on him and he would feel blessed that he gets to spend a slot of his time with her when she could be meeting the others or something else.
See, the man who is the best and knows how to makes me happiest and vice versa is the winner and obviously I'll be going to bed with him and him only :)
Old post but oh well.
ReplyDeleteAs a female, I can certainly say that when a guy I like flirts with another girl, it absolutely does NOT make me like him more. It does not push me to try and talk to him more. It makes me depressed and think he is not interested in me. Especially considering the fact that men are "supposed to be" the aggressors in the situation. If I see that he is not pursuing me but has no problem flirting with other women, I take that as he is not interested in me or he was just being friendly to me and it's his personality type.
In my opinion I think women's mentality in this situation is a bit different. I don't think they intend to flirt with other guys to make the guy they actually like jealous, so much as they do it in the hopes that the guy they like will actually DO something to make a move on them. Thinking "maybe if he sees that at any moment another man can take me, he will work harder to get me first". I can tell you from experience how infuriating it can be when a guy flirts with you on and off but will not make a move. Some men move too slow.
Move too slow, or don't go anywhere? People can have different motivations for doing what they do from one time to another, and their reasons may not be what we would like them to be.
DeleteI admit I get immediately turned OFF when a guy starts flirting with other women in front of me. O F F. But I am guilty of doing that as a girl BUT not not intentionally. Some guys think if you notice one of THEIR friends checking out your boobs and you smile, that's flirting when it really isn't. Or playing with your hair when you're talking to a guy. Or breathing around other guys (lol). I do like the rush of jealousy but it feels sucky when it happens to you. Also, I don't want a guy that every woman wanted, I'd probably rather have a guy no one noticed who treated me like the only woman on Earth.
ReplyDeleteI am currently in a situation that relates to this. I am married and we are friends with another couple. We are both in a way mismatch couples. Her husband has gotten out of shape over the years and my wife is shorter and slightly heavier as well. About a year and a half ago on a night out with this couple I noticed her stare at me in a way I hadn't noticed before. I could tell right away she was attracted to me. It in turn caused my attraction to grow towards her. Over the next several months and get togethers she would still give me this look and I would look back, but Im not the type to hit on her or make a move. One reason being that she is kind of has no boundries when she is drunk ( meaning she will talk and touch many people ) On a trip together and out to dinner she visited other peoples tables over visiting with us. So here is what bothers me or the jealousy part. She is flirty and touchy with me during get togethers ( her husband doesn't seem to mind ) yet when we hang out with this other couple she overtly flirts with her cousins husband. Sitting beside him, leaning on him laying on him and taking selfies with him. Its possible she likes him more, but he has no interest in her at all and has this look on his face likes he wants to run. This routine is starting to annoy me with the attention she gives him. Its not her husband ( which would be normal ) It just feels manufactured by her as a way to get me jealous and I have to admit its working. Ultimately, I would just like her to stop laying on this guy like she is some desperate thing. The way I have reated so far is to ignor it, deep down she is definitely doing it to make me jealous. I don't know what to do. If she thinks I will call her on it shes mistaken, its only going to push me away and possible ruin the friendship as a couple. A big part of me wants to deflect her back to this guy when she sits beside me or puts her arm around me. For example I would refuse a shot and tell her to have one with him. Or after making me jealous I will just ignor her the rest of the night and pay more attention to everyone there but her. This situation is different from your girlfriend or wife making you jealous. My wife doesn't play games like that. should I just give this friend the same treatment back and have it blow up in her face, In the end it will ruin any mutual attraction and destroy the friendship in the process. Or should I just ignore her as a form of punishment and hope she gets the drift or should I tell her to knock it off its disrespectful to her own marriage.
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ReplyDeleteAre you prone to having jealous fits regarding your boyfriend or husband? Do you want to know what makes you jealous? How can you stop being jealous? What are the steps to stop being jealous?
ReplyDeleteprofile
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