I spent about a year dating almost exclusively women older than myself. What follows are my observations from that time in my life. For the purpose of this post, by "older women" I do not mean old women or women of any certain age or age range; I mainly mean women who are older than the man in question.
Older women are easier to have sex with.
Older women are more confident and comfortable around men - especially younger men, since they know that their experience cancels out some of his natural power over her. This translates into sexual openness. Some men know that older women are easier to nail, which is often why they pursue them. Older women should be cynical about younger men who claim they want to date seriously, or remain silent about commitment.
Older women are not as physically attractive as younger women.
Older women are easier to have sex with.
Older women are more confident and comfortable around men - especially younger men, since they know that their experience cancels out some of his natural power over her. This translates into sexual openness. Some men know that older women are easier to nail, which is often why they pursue them. Older women should be cynical about younger men who claim they want to date seriously, or remain silent about commitment.
This is obvious. Women peak somewhere in their twenties for external attractiveness. All honest men acknowledge this, as do most women. In general, men disagree about the age at which women "peak" - partially because it varies depending on the woman and partially because guys have different taste. But I think it also has to do with the difficulty that men have distinguishing between external and internal attractiveness; often the latter is confused for the former.
Older women are still pretty hot. A woman's attractiveness doesn't take a swan dive after 30. It tapers out slowly and often quite gracefully - far more slowly than it arises in a girl's late teens. The rate of the decline is obviously affected by her genetics and lifestyle, but it is also largely a function of how willing she is to accept that decline gracefully. I think the women who become ugliest due to age are the ones that recognize they are getting older, wrongly assume that they are no longer beautiful, and therefore stop their gym membership, cut their hair short and give up. Some women go instead to the opposite extreme, getting plastic surgery or increasing their make up until they over-compensate. Neither of these is the appropriate or confident response to the onset of aging (in the same way that wearing a toupee is a poor response to the onset of male baldness, for example). An acceptance of reality is the best response, and the reality is not nearly as bad as so many women believe. Although most men of course prefer the looks or bodies of women in their twenties, we would still love to fuck those same women well into their forties - assuming they take care of themselves.
Older women are still pretty hot. A woman's attractiveness doesn't take a swan dive after 30. It tapers out slowly and often quite gracefully - far more slowly than it arises in a girl's late teens. The rate of the decline is obviously affected by her genetics and lifestyle, but it is also largely a function of how willing she is to accept that decline gracefully. I think the women who become ugliest due to age are the ones that recognize they are getting older, wrongly assume that they are no longer beautiful, and therefore stop their gym membership, cut their hair short and give up. Some women go instead to the opposite extreme, getting plastic surgery or increasing their make up until they over-compensate. Neither of these is the appropriate or confident response to the onset of aging (in the same way that wearing a toupee is a poor response to the onset of male baldness, for example). An acceptance of reality is the best response, and the reality is not nearly as bad as so many women believe. Although most men of course prefer the looks or bodies of women in their twenties, we would still love to fuck those same women well into their forties - assuming they take care of themselves.
Guys interested in long term relationships will not consider older women seriously.
On a few occasions I was dating women who were older by six to ten years, and really enjoyed their beauty and company. However, when it came time to cut it off or have a relationship, I cut it off. Reconsidering my motivations for those decisions now, I recognize one that dominated the others: despite my attraction for those women at the time, I didn't want to look around myself ten years later and see a hotter, younger girl - closer to my own age - and think "I could have been with a girl like that instead." When my wife starts aging, I want the other girls I could have had (i.e. those in my age-range) to be aging with her, so that I won't be constantly reminded of the sacrifice I made to be with her - even if it was one I know was worth it. The grass is already always greener on the other side, and a man doesn't need an age disparity contributing to that effect when his woman starts losing her initial shine.
Older women are more internally attractive than younger women.
Older women are more internally attractive than younger women.
Older women have miles more personality than younger women. Since the time when I dated older women (a couple years ago now), I've found one, maybe two girls younger than me that I was attracted to and able to connect with - out of all the women I've encountered or even dated. Older women are simply more interesting to be around. This is because of the natural accumulation of experiences over time. Older women are more confident than younger women, because they know themselves and the world better. Their words carry more weight because they have experienced what they are talking about. They are comfortable in their own skin. They are relaxed in social settings. Perhaps most importantly, they are not afraid of men, so their inhibitions in a man's presence are less severe. All of this allows for an openness that makes a date or casual interaction much more enjoyable.
Related Posts
1. Your Age and Your Attractiveness
2. Some Older Women Are Smart
3. Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
Related Posts
1. Your Age and Your Attractiveness
2. Some Older Women Are Smart
3. Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years
I'd have to agree on all counts. When I was 27, I dated a 42-year old.
ReplyDeleteLAVA HOT SEX!
I have to admit I find your final point a little bit judgmental and shaped by personal experiences. First of all, there is a reason why most girls go for older guys - men mature later than women. A man's brain is not fully developed until he is practically thirty, and men in their early twenties are often teenager-like. Some young girl may be shallow or insecure, but usually less than their male counterparts.
ReplyDeleteI feel the need to point this out as I know plenty of single women in their thirties (many career-types, LA & NY), whom are more extroverted, open and talkative, but do not have more mature interests or healthy life goals - their lives revolve around partying, looking younger than they are and spending money on shoes. The "Sex and the City" lifestyle is true for many women in their 30s. I think a lot of men read that as "confident", but let me be honest, I've gotten to know many of those women and there is a strong jealousy lying underneath. I'm sure many girls "come of age" in a way, especially if they have been shy in their young years or it took them some time to figure out which direction their lives should take, but I think that goes until a certain point - perhaps 26, 27. Your graph of attractiveness was also proof of that - Women get a lot more interesting in their late twenties, but not proportionally more in their 30s. Although I obviously think everyone should have confidence and seek to develop this, irregardless of age :-)
You have a good point, and certainly there are women that grow more cold and hardened with age, especially after years of being screwed over by men. And the ones that follow the "sex and the city" persona are definitely not those I am referring to in this post. Likewise, not every 25 year old is flighty and stupid. Plenty of women mature earlier. So I think we need to step back and take in the big picture - consider the average woman. This is what I have tried to do, and in general I've found that older women are more interesting and fun to be around than younger ones.
DeleteHow strongly this has colored by my personal experience is difficult to say, but I have made an effort to consider the other types of women out there rather than base everything on those I have encoutered most in my life.
Since you write a lot of constructive posts on female behavior, I assume you choose not to approach women who appear to be emotional train wrecks.
DeleteI just made a brief assumption - you said once you were in LAX (airport), I thought maybe you live in LA and the LA women I am familiar with are all very sexually promiscuous, have little intellectual capacity and are very shallow. This might be an exception in the US though, a woman from a different area may well be very different.
I suppose I can see the positive side here - there are advantages to every age. I'm in my early twenties now so I'll be 35 and interesting one day too :) (and when I am, I suppose I'll wish I was 22 again..).
I know guys in their late twenties who see, as you say, women in their thirties as sex only, because they know they are easier. I also know quite a bit who see girls whom are 19-20 the same way (good-looking, but naive, and too young). Are guys most likely to date their same age, +/- 1-2 years? What do you consider an ideal age for a woman to get serious with?
But what often strikes me (and many women) is a bit of that whore-madonna thing. I am afraid men label women in different ways, and that you can never completely win. If I am young, older women will be more interesting. When I'm older, younger girls will be more attractive, and more "fresh" and cute. If you gain a lot of sexual experience, guys can see you as no gf material. But if I try to keep my number down, I'm afraid he'll reminisce about a hot night he had with a total slut. Even if he never ended up with that girl, I don't want to be second choice, even if it's just on the sexual front. It's such a contrast, because for me, a man can really be it all, at every age, at every experience level. I won't even think about a hot night I had with another guy once I've fallen for another. And a guy cannot be 100% sexually attractive if he doesn't have some personal material. But I suppose that's just us girls.
I live in San Diego. Not sure which post I mentioned LAX... haven't flown through there in a long time.
Delete"But if I try to keep my number down, I'm afraid he'll reminisce about a hot night he had with a total slut"
You need to get used to this idea if you date a guy with a sexual history. There is no way any single girl can fulfill all of a man's sexual fantasies. It just won't happen. Men want to fuck a lot of women. End of story. But by being open to a lot of things in bed, you can definitely cross the threshold where he says "yeah, true, I had that one night with that slut and it was a lot of fun, but my wife is pretty damn good in bed AND I love her. I have no complaints."
"It's such a contrast, because for me, a man can really be it all, at every age, at every experience level."
I don't think you are thinking this one through. No man can be ALL things. You might be turned on by a tough guy, for example, but his demeanor won't let him be a complete hard-ass AND a funny guy - which you also like in a man (again, just an example). Or you won't find a guy that is hugely intelligent AND ripped. You either spend your time in the library or the gym.
So I think it works both ways for men and women. We both need to make compromises with what we are looking for in the opposite sex.
You can be a shallow asshole at any age and of any gender.
Deleteyou are completely wrong on the "A man's brain is not fully developed until he is practically thirty" tripe. studies have shown that the human brain male OR female is not even what could be considered fully developed till the age of 25.
Deletethe myth of females developing earlier than men is a by-product of female sexual maturity and social maturity (both of which seem to hit around 14) males may be "social less mature through their teens and early 20s, but that's more of a perception than a fact.
boys and young men simply relate to each other in socially different ways than females (who place a higher priority on talking, interacting and assimilation into society) and usually could give a damn about interacting with females in more than a physical matter let alone proving themselves to society in general - till their mid twenties.
as you should have realized by now, men and boys are only different in their level of selfishness. of course women love to say "he's so immature, or he needs to grow up" when a man of any age isn't compelled to place them and their concerns higher than his own...interesting huh.
generally i do agree that by the ages of 16-20 a female is as "mature" (socially or otherwise) as she's gonna get. by then she knows all she needs to know about ensnaring a man for her benefit and interacting with other females and rarely moves much further beyond those two biological necessities for the rest of her life.
men on the other hand tend to find themselves and understand what they want out of life and how to get it by their late 20s to early 30s. this coincides naturally with their peak desirability, which last well into their late 40s (and many times later) compared to women who are pretty much done at 30 (generally).
"generally i do agree that by the ages of 16-20 a female is as "mature" (socially or otherwise) as she's gonna get"
DeleteNot true at all. To say that a woman of 17 is as mature as she's going to get, is nonsense. Perhaps you've only dated girls that age, but most women develop a lot from there on.
This post basically says "men have a lot to offer, women have nothing". If you're happy with that point of view, stick with it, but I doubt it'll work out for you.
You know what andrew, I agree with anja, she has to get over the fact of true love and us woman should get used to the idea that men are pigs and unfaithful creatures deep inside because some scientificle study shows that men have a great amount of tetstasterone which is an exuse to why they only think with their penis. That's bs no girl really buys that crap. The true study is that a man has testasterone to work with the estrogen levels of the female to make babies. Not to go out and fuck the whole town, city, state! Also back in the day marrige and raising a family was the ideal life style. Its the superficial habbits of today that have changed the value of marrige and true love. Also woman seem needy because they are out looking for this. Don't mistake manogomy for neediness. Oh and if everyone was more relaxed about sex and had a more promiciuos personality than everyone would have more fun. Have you not hear of clamidia, herpesn aids, gonarea?? Also how about the fact that teen pregnancy and young adult pregnancy is increasing everyday. You sicken me oh and does your wife no that your on this site saying how boring she is in bed and that you'd rather fuck some young girl. Let me tell you something. I'm 22 and I wouldn't give you the time of day!! There are smart men out there but there are to many dime a dozen pieces of shit out there like you who make real men so hard to find which would be why women who are 30 or over are divorced and single. Because they no what they want and its not you! So next time you want to slander a woman for wanting more than sex look at yourself. Your like this because your insecure about yourself and yourself in a serious relationship. So excuse us ladies if we aren't gunna dumb ourselves down to your level and get used to the fact that men hide behind the testasterone study as an excuse to fuck woman. And as many as they please. Faithful is faithful fantasizing about another girl behind someones back is still a form a cheating. I'm proud to be a woman and don't devalue a woman of any age. Without us ladies you wouldn't get any sex so learn to appreciate that instead of taking us girl for granted ya fuckin skid!!
DeleteIf they're still virgins in their 30's +, then should it be a question to take into consideration but if not; They simply wrecked their fruitful and juicy ages in darkness. Today in light, are trying to portray images of ill-fortune angels. Complete hypocrisy and run the risk of remaining single for the rest of their lives.
DeleteI re-read it and observed that you said "women older than the man", so you don't necessarily mean 30+, but I think in your case you do?
ReplyDeleteI might be awfully mean and cynical, but IME, you can get to know a single woman in her thirties and you will soon spot a reason she is single. And I'm not speaking from the perspective of someone who associates with white trash, I mean those NY doctors or LA realtors.
Hey, that would be interesting to know. What have been the reasons for women in their thirties being single? Like, what did you find in your experience with them?
Delete"you can get to know a single woman in her thirties and you will soon spot a reason she is single"
DeleteIn some instances this is true, but not all. I know a girl in her late 30s that is perfect in a ton of ways. I know her really well too, and have yet to see why she isn't married yet.
I am not saying that there ISN'T a reason she (or other 30+ women) is single, but just that it isn't obvious.
"Hey, that would be interesting to know. What have been the reasons for women in their thirties being single? Like, what did you find in your experience with them?"
DeleteI think the only consistent reason was that they stayed in long-term relationships that did not lead to marriage. I think it is true that without exception, each of these women were in committed relationships for most of their twenties (some were 5 - 10 years long).
Aside from that I think they all had different circumstances (career, pickiness, sluttyness, etc.), but for sure this was a contributor in all cases.
Yes if a woman has marriage on her mind, and she is the type for commitment, I am sure it is normal for the average 32 year old to have just come out of an LTR. But in that case she will have time pressure, it will soon become clear that she is looking for something serious.
DeleteIf a woman is 38 and have been single and partying for the last 5 years you've known her, it is different. The reasons I have observed are:
- Sexually promiscuous / a past / reputation.
- Have been "involved with" or FWBs/lovers with men, hoping for it to turn to something serious. A friend of mine has had non-exclusive sexual relationships with a number of wealthy, successful men, and as they appear interested in her (or have kept the affair going), she fantasizes that this may lead to something serious. I have been in this boat myself at one point. I think it's worth mentioning that while a sexual past and much experience can make you cynical, it can also make you deluded. Because a lot of girls can get a "top notch" man for sex, but not necessarily for marriage. As you say, women get to sleep with men out of their league, and if this becomes a habit, or the woman has long-term affairs with these guys, it may change the general standard of men they're looking for. I've seen this in women of several ages, but definitely more in those 30+.
- Sense of entitlement. More for the "Sex and the city" types.
- Sleeping with younger men whom are not considering them for anything serious. Exactly like you said, a lot of women have decided to channel their inner "cougar" and go for younger guys. But not everybody is as lucky as SATCs Samantha, where the young and rich hottie wanted to marry her.
- Some older women are "know it alls" and they come in a set package with opinions and preferences which are pretty much unchangeable. Their lives are complete and they cannot adjust so much to a partner.
This is my experience :) I have had quite good friendships with older women as I in many ways can connect with them better than I can with girls my own age, but the friendship always turned sour after a certain point. Either she was lecturing me or often, she tried to spoil my chances with men and give a bad impression of me to her male friends.
If they're still virgins in their 30's +, then should it be a question to take into consideration but if not; They simply wrecked their fruitful and juicy ages in darkness. Today in light, are trying to portray images of ill-fortune angels. Complete hypocrisy and run the risk of remaining single for the rest of their lives.
DeleteOut of curiosity... How old are you and what city are you in?
ReplyDelete27, San Diego
DeleteHave you been "in love" with any of these older women? Do you miss any of them? How long would a fling with an older woman normally last for you? Have you been "in love" period? :) Can you write a post about "falling in love", and what it takes? Thanks for continued effort. Much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI miss things ABOUT some of the older women I've dated, yes. I was never in love with any of them, but I think you have to date someone long enough to fall in love, which I didn't do with any of them, for the reasons stated in the post.
DeleteI thought that falling in love happens quickly for guys. No?
DeleteRegarding falling in love, the variety among each of the sexes is greater than the variety between the average of the two sexes. This makes generalizing difficult if not impossible on this topic.
DeleteWow. I am not sure there is a point in commenting, but I will try. Younger men and older women. I am 36 now. I have discovered, since my divorce that my scope has opened up quite a bit. Regarding the men that venture towards me, and initiate conversation and proceed to ask me out. Men in their twenties as well as men in their fifties do so.
DeleteIn the past I only dated men my own age. Now that I have been divorced for 3 years I am dating.
I admit it, I have been finding it daunting.
It is very difficult to weed out which man is in it for the sex...because the reality is, men are visual creatures, and whether they are 20 or 50 they are attracted to me for the same reason at first.
Frankly, I find your points interesting yes, but at times extremely shallow.
I get the sense that the author places too much emphasis on physicality and the physical side of love, and too little mention of the spiritual part of love and love making.
The best sex I have ever had is when both co-exist..and i feel kind of sad that a man with an older woman, or a woman with an older man would not choose to experience "love" with a person due to age.
In any relationship, marriage, comman law, though committed, you are still attracted to other people, turned on even, but you keep it in your fantasy, as we are human and not an animal. Whether you marry your age group or not...you will still be curious about the people you could have had...News Flash.
To say twenty year olds are hotter than 30, 40, 50 year old women? Way to devalue women.
Well...a twenty year old is free of responsibility, blossoming, worshipping her beau...a little unsure...beautiful, innocent and sweet..this quality remains with her..in her thirties except, in her thirties she is reaching her physical sexual peak, a career woman with ambition, a firm body if she chooses...and perhaps already a mother of two...scarred with stretch marks...she is on fire in bed. She asks for what she needs...but is still that twenty year old worshipping, innocent, and sweet looking for love. 40 roles around...she is twenty, thirty and fourty ...fool.
Don't you see? She is independent and proud of who she is. She wants someone who is proud of who they are, and strong enough to give her breathing room to be herself. I find the hard body of a ripped twenty something hot too, but the well maintained body of an older man satisfies equally. It is the way you feel with a person that is key. Stop perpetuating this double standard please. The only way age matters for a serious relationships, is when it comes down to child bearing , and life style choices. Obviously if a man or a woman wants children...age matters. Biologically age matters, but to have a serious longterm relationship?...I feel age does not matter.
A man has a choice at variety? With technology, birth control, and a woman's ability to be independent in the western world, variety is natural for a while to explore and figure your self out,for both sexes, but a friendship with a significant other that seeks to fufill both emotional and sexual as well as other desires doe not require variety of partners it is difficult enough to get to know one person on a deeper level.
As gentlemen I would hope you awake to recognizing the beauty "we" man and woman or same sex partnerships, are able to share. Do not diminish the precious gift of love. Do not reduce men down to superficial animals. They are strong and so very much loved by women of all ages...that does not mean they have to hump us all...because they are able to...that would mean they are quite insecure, no? If they had to hump as much as they can? No? Maybe I am delusional but I have a higher view of men.
My point is sharing. Thats all.
DeleteI am having a hard time believing the promiscuity of men is not controllable. I think its a cop out.
I am sensitive and have difficulty when I hear women just being used for the soul purpose of sex...older women, younger women ect.
It sucks to think that men use women full well knowing that "sex" is all they want them for.
( -and vice versa to women who are using men in the same way) It is very degrading . I wish men and women would try to be better people.
I wish people who consent to being used as fuck buddies, would acknowledge that they are worth more than that...(a piece of meat to fuck) Get a blow up doll! Enjoy your own body ...fantasize, pleasure yourself...but...
Diminishing a woman or a human being for that matter...to .... just meat.... for empty gratification...how ever "hot" it may feel in the moment...frankly, it pisses me off. Everyone wants to be loved, so to use that longing for meaningless gratification is irresponsible, and I think men and women should haver more respect for themselves and others.
I wasn't advocating the way (most) men behave, I was simply explaining that it IS the way (most) men behave. It is a reality that women need to understand and learn to live with. This isn't utopia.
DeleteTrue...but I guess I am seeking to create my own little Utopia.."Marsha Marsha Marsha...I don't want to have to deal with this behaviour."
DeleteIt helps to understand yes...but I resent having to learn to live with it. >:(
I am reading between the lines and gathering that to you, I must seem like a dreamer. Then again I probably am. I admit that my need for a higher caliber of a man, may seem unrealistic, but while gathering some of my own experiences, in Love and Lust...I have come to this strange place in my existence...I am financially independent..I am a mother with sole custody of a 13 year old, and I really do not have to settle down to procreate anymore. I feel complete as a person, and yet I keep trying to ride that wave of "love".
I feel that space between two people...that "separateness"...and what the couple does with "it",
The separateness which I experience to be so challenging and beautiful, rewarding and humbling...even painful, and yet I am always yearning for it. The human Condition? Maybe?
Kahlil Gibran...For even love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth...He speaks on various topics...such as marriage..."Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls....
I understand that most men behave this way...as you have explained, but do you think men acting this way (which you are not advocating)because most human beings are followers and go along with the pack, or because its easier to do what everybody else does, rather than be courageous enough to free your self of the bondage of your conditionings. Why should women put up with this behaviour and ultimately keeps men in a position of forced dominance?
I would just like your thoughts Andrew, because I am having some difficulty with the "women have to live with it"...part even though so far...I haven't found the answer. LOL
I think that men act this way for three reasons:
Delete1. We are strongly inclined to by our natural drive for sex - a difficult temptation in any circumstance
2. We are weak and short-sighted (i.e. human)
3. Women let us
If you've read much of this blog you'll realize that I am trying my best to correct point #3.
Hi Andrew,
DeleteThank you for your reply, all though I feel you have not answered the questions I had asked. I have read much of your blog, and yet...women are human too, as men are, and some are weak and short minded but not all, as is the case with men...unless you are disputing that.
Do women let men behave like that? Perhaps...but teaching women how to navigate through this archaic, neanderthal thought process seems a waste of her energy.
A very Noble attempt on your part to try and help, but I think, your blog neglects the needs of the woman...that she has to be accepting of the male... but her natural instincts are not as important? Implying this condones poor male behaviour...by teaching women what men are like in the least evolved form, i feel as though you are teaching women to accept it- as opposed to teaching women their value and how to maintain it...
Kind Regards,
Anja
Anja
DeleteGet real.....You are looking to find a 'soul-mate' someone to fulfill your own inadequacies...why should men be differerent?Men act this way cause they love womens bodies and love sex...get over it....That's just the way it is...everyone wants love and connection..but men have more testosterone.. ive been married for 20 years...sex is SOOOOO boring......same with most of my friends...but we stay together for children /friends/lifestyle...BUT if i could get someone young and gorgeous i def would...so i dont judge men for it....you sound needy ...and im sure this comes through! Life sometimes sucks..just the way it is!!!
Also....monogamy is overrated....if everyone had a more relaxed attitude to promiscuity it wouldnt be such an issue and everyone would have more fun!!!
DeleteIf everyone had a more relaxed attitude to promiscuity everyone would get std's and teen pregnancy would increase. Are fuckin retarded? So u'd rather there be more sluts around the world so u can be a pig. You sickin me. And don't mistake self value and a woman who knows what she wants for neediness! Its guys like you that are the reason why young girls go for older men, older woman are divorced and std's and pregnancy levels are higher than before. You completely devalue woman and expect way to much coming from a guy when we already give you more than you diserve! I'm young and I would never go for a guy like you$m your a selfish pig! My boyfriend who 20 is more of a man then you. And sex is sooooo boring with your wife, does she know your saying this? I bet she doesn't! Us ladies should stick together against men like you. Without us girls on earth you men wouldn't even get any sex, you'd all be fuckin eachother up the ass!!! And sit there and say we have deal with it. The only thing we'll deal with is your ass out the door!
DeleteGirl you need to throw in the towel...raise the white flag, and start collecting cats!
DeleteCause you obviously weren't cut out to interact with humans (intimately) in a positive manner.
Especially those who happen to *gasp* possess a penis lol.
Good luck!
I agree with the person who posted above your last post, can you please consider writing a post about "falling/being in love" and whether there's a difference between that and "loving someone"? I am a loyal reader of your blog, please keep up the wonderful work!
ReplyDeleteAbout the sexual stuff: I've read a few books by Tracy Cox, and one thing she pointed out was the stuff that makes good sex. She says it's 50% passion and the chemistry between the two, 25% nature-given skill and 25% experience. I do agree with this, and I think sexual experience matter mostly up to a certain point. A girl with 10 partners is better than a virgin, but a girl with 30 is not necessary that much better than one with 10. At least that's how I feel about men, is it true?
ReplyDeleteI know that to some extent, or at least from experience, the physical attractiveness of a woman contributes to whether a man wants to have sex with her and how good he finds it. I wonder how it adds up - would you rather have sex with a woman who is a 9 on the scale and her skill of blowjob-giving is a 6, or a 6 on the scale whose skill is a 9? (I don't know how men would make up that scale though, they have different preferences for a BJ too). I ask because a guy told me that it gives a certain thrill to get a BJ from a girl that is physically (particularly facially) very attractive.
I know when you say "experienced" you don't just mean partners, but confidence and open-mindedness. But do partners count a certain point? Or can a 25 year old who is open minded and experimental in bed be just as good as a 35 year old who's had a large amount of partners?
Thanks! Very good help on this.
"A girl with 10 partners is better than a virgin, but a girl with 30 is not necessary that much better than one with 10. At least that's how I feel about men, is it true?"
DeleteYeah, definitely. I might even knock that number ten down to 3 or 4. The next real jump in experience (and it dwarfs the first) comes from being with one person for a long time. Married women will back me up here I am sure.
I agree with your analysis that the real jump in experience comes from being with a partner long term. I have slept with men who have a partner tally in close to 100 and men who have been in relationships but have fewer partners (<10). I will take the latter over the former any day! Both men and women need to build up their level of ease with one partner in order to feel comfortable enough to express themselves and fully explore all facets of their sexuality. I also have found that people who have a high number of partners often have issues with drugs and/or alcohol which are great for relieving inhibitions but are generally not performance enhancing!
DeleteInsightful post, Andrew. You prove why relationship/marriage-minded women should avoid younger men, in general. Having said that, it depends on the particular couple...
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people who believed in older woman/younger man relationships were often referring to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. And now they have broken up too!
DeleteI think there is a lot of truth to this external attractiveness issue. I also think that - at this point - there is a certain type of women who are looking for younger men. Maybe partly because they might be aware that younger men often see them s sex only, but this still take the risk.
My mother once said she would never, ever be with a younger man (my dad is 17 years older than her) and she emphasized how other people would look at her. I think that's important to a lot of women.
I am the one who posted below who is 39 dating a 31 year old and I would agree with you that there is a stigma. My brother is 37 dating a 30 yo and it is never an issue. As far as younger men looking at women who are older than they are for sex, we are doing the same thing! In the past 4 years I have been in relationships with men ranging in age from 25-47 and I can tell you that my sex drive and endurance veer toward the younger set. Men over the age of 40 just physiologically do not have the same sex drive or stamina.
DeleteAh.. Do like your mother did. I have a serious issue with this as for example I could imagine some moms having once widely held opinion that racial intermarriage is a road to failure. Perhaps it's better to not do as good old mom did. And speaking of moms, or in this case grannies, dear blog participants please direct your attention to the phenomenon of Ernestine Shepherd. 73 and way hotter than many women half her age, which I guess proves Andrew's point about fitness. As far as Kutcher Moore marriage dissolution goes, haven't there been no couples who started by the old fashion book with younger woman and older man only to break down over the 7 year itch issue. Times change and I know of young men who did marry older women and did not regret it. As for the unmarried women I would not want to choose between the guy who goes to the gym and the guy who goes to the library. Times are changing and women do not need to marry for security. Do both or accept that there will be a complementary guy in the equation. As society changes the pressures on genders change as well, as do the possibilities.
DeleteGlad someone brought up Ernestine Shepherd. I am 55 , happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man, mother of three grown daughters. I am also a medical professional. Several years ago I got a trainer, lst 15 pounds, started weight training, then regular boot camp classes. I am 5' 2", weigh 116 lbs, 17% body fat.
DeleteMy point is that I firmly believe that at age 55 I look a lot "hotter" than many 20 something's with muffin tops and couch potato mentalities. Having studied endocrinology in depth recently, I Am fairly sure that I was a high androgen female growing up, judging by finger index ratio and other factors. I was very athletic, small breasted, more active than high estrogen females with big boobs, low waist to hip ratio. Men are biologically attracted to these high estrogen females for reproductive reasons. But high estrogen females are bitchier, harder to live with, get fat and stay fat with childbearing, and their big boobs, well we all know what happens there. High estrogen females also have lower libido than their smaller breasted higher androgen counterparts, even more so when on oral contraceptives. It is fairly well known that Marilyn Monroe, for example, the prototype high estrogen female, was lousy in bed. They Are better ovulators but we are hornier and a lot more fun, sporty, and adventurous in general. And we age one HECK of a lot better than our big boobed small waisted big butted counterparts.
I also agree with older women being more interesting, more open. We are much more comfortable in our skins, have great stories. This is not to say men should not be attracted to younger women. That is inescapable biological programming, the reason there are 9 billion humans on the planet.
But don't tell me that at age 55 I am sexually invisible. It's a lot of work to keep up your body, but I love it. in a few weeks I will do a 5k mud run and kick the asses of quite a few 25 year old nubile lovelies. Then I will go home and ravish my wonderful husband.
I am 39 and currently dating a man who is 31. I never thought that I would be attracted to a younger man, but must say that the sex is hot and I find his energy much more aligned with my own. We have an open relationship as I realize that he is not interested in settling down and wants to explore all his options, so to speak. That being said, we are each other's primary partners and are committed to keeping the emotional intimacy within our relationship alone. As far as aging and beauty are concerned, I think that if you are in the 8-10 range when you are younger and you take care of yourself, it is not an issue. I am approached my men 10 to 15 years younger than I am who assume I am in my late 20s. (I realize that I am probably an outlier in this regard, but I also live in an area where women in their 40s are in better shape than most women in their 20s in other parts of the country.) I am divorced and have two kids and have zero interest in a long term commitment or having more children. I think that men in their 30s who are not yet ready to settle down find this refreshing as most younger women are at the point in their lives where they are ready to settle down. Removing that pressure makes the relationship much more fun and lighthearted. The main drawback is that it is impossible to integrate our lives and take it to another level. He will eventually want a family of his own and I want someone who has a lifestyle that is similar to mine. It is can be fun in the meantime as long as communication is strong and both parties have reasonable expectations. Great post and would love your blog. Kudos for telling it like it is!
ReplyDeleteForgive me if I'm wrong, but you come off cold and machine-like. Falling in love with someone "happens." Love is the opposite of cold and calculating. I admire a steel trap mind, but not when the heart is trapped inside. When you fall in love, and maintain a mature love, wishing you had been with other women as you both age does not even enter the picture (this is different from the very human emotion of simply finding someone else attractive). It is counter to love and would be disrespectful to the most important person in your life. It's the way you would want your father to feel about your mother. At least, I would hope.
ReplyDeleteIt's no sin being a confirmed bachelor.
Have you ever been in therapy? Just for kicks, you may want to look at your relationship to love itself. Just sayin'.
Thanks for putting yourself out there to have great discussions like this.
"When you fall in love, and maintain a mature love, wishing you had been with other women as you both age does not even enter the picture"
DeleteIt may be true that I have never felt the kind of love for a woman that you describe, but neither have you ever been a man. So I think we both need to take each other's opinions with a grain of salt.
The strength of the male sex drive is not something that any woman understands, any more than a man understands the depth of a woman's emotions.
If you think that love (which we experience to a lesser degree than women) completely arrests our sex drive or our desire to be with multiple partners (which we experience to a greater degree than women), you are being naive. You are probably right that love reduces a man's desire for other women, but I suggest that it does so only partially - very partially.
I just commented above as well, but I will have to agree with you that most women do not understand the power of the male sex drive. That being said, as a 39 yo woman my sex drive has never been higher nor have I felt more confident. Older men can simply not keep up! I see a lot of my girlfriends in their 40s who are married to men closer to them in age who complain all the time about not being sexually satisfied because their husbands are not as interested as they used to be. (As a disclaimer, these are not women who have "let themselves go" and in most cases look better than the men.) "When my wife starts aging, I want the other girls I could have had (i.e. those in my age-range) to be aging with her, so that I won't be constantly reminded of the sacrifice I made to be with her - even if it was one I know was worth it. The grass is already always greener on the other side; a man doesn't need an age disparity contributing to that effect when his woman starts losing her initial shine." I think that statement could be turned around from a female perspective as well. I want to settle down with a man who is not only going to be able to keep up with me sexually, but wil match my vitality for life as well. I find that a lot of the older men I have dated are jaded having suffered through bitter relationships and are often even more terrified to commit than a man 4 or 5 years my junior. My ideal partner right now would be a man between 30-35 who is a single dad, emotionally mature, professional and wants to live out a fun, playful lifestyle. I would want to take things very slowly at first and hope that it would eventually develop into a loving, long term commitment.
DeleteI've heard men say they do not have interest in anyone else than a particular girl, but in those cases they have been either a) very young and inexperienced or b) very infatuated. Is it possible that men can experience this feeling of not wanting anyone else while they are infatuated but that the lust for other women will slowly increase as the passion runs out?
DeleteThat very loved-up phase when you get butterflies and have very passionate sex is estimated to last maximum 4 years. Do most men feel an intense desire to sleep with other women even during that phase?
I can say as a female, I do have a desire for other men when in love, it is not so strong though, as my desire for the one man overruns it. When the infatuation phase is gone I might look around, but it is not so much that I miss another man than that I miss being infatuated and miss the passionate phase. It's not first and foremost about sexual diversity.
"Is it possible that men can experience this feeling of not wanting anyone else while they are infatuated but that the lust for other women will slowly increase as the passion runs out?"
DeleteYes, of course at first you are only interested in that ONE girl (at least in some instances). But it fades. It is the period after that initial high that I was referring to. Even if love remains at that point, men by nature want multiple partners. Ask any one who you trust to give you an honest answer. Of course he will want to stay monogomous because he knows he will lose the girl he loves if he doesn't (so would I); but I am calling bullshit on any guy that claims he wouldn't want to bang other women at least once in a while to fulfil his purely physical desires.
"That very loved-up phase when you get butterflies and have very passionate sex is estimated to last maximum 4 years."
The married man that I respect the most and hope to emulate someday if I get married (he loves the hell outta his wife, has great sex with her still after 20 years, 3 kids, etc.) said that the magic died out after the first couple years.
"Do most men feel an intense desire to sleep with other women even during that phase?"
No. In fact, a glance here and there is probably all that we are tempted to, very little more - and it may be less in many cases.
I'm the one you said has never been a man. I very much am, a happily hetero one at that. Does that change your answer?
DeleteScott,
DeleteYes, but only in the sense that I was obviously wrong about assuming you were female.
Not all men have the same magnitude sex drive, nor do we all share the same level of sexual ambition either - in the sense that some of us are more worried than others about getting the hottest and best woman we can get. I have seen all kinds of variety on this. I happen to be very ambitious in this regard, and was stating my opinion. There are certainly men out there that are less worried about finding a smoking hot wife. They might be deeper than me, which is fine.
But more relevant to your point: you point out that looks become less of a consideration after falling in love. I am talking about how much looks matter before a man allows himself to fall in love. I think these are very different things, and I think looks (and projections into the future about them) matter much more in the early stages of an encounter or relationship.
So I guess I am arguing against you in two ways: first, by saying that based on my second-hand experience, I think looks continue to matter a great deal to many men, even if not to some; and, secondly, by saying that (for better or worse) what really matters is the strength of the influence a woman's looks have over a man's initial decision to date her or not, not his decision years into the relationship.
I would suggest that you veer off before love takes hold, perhaps because you are afraid of intimacy. Not unusual in a 27 year old. I'm certainly not perfect in that regard, but have you explored your capacity for intimacy?
DeleteIntimacy merits fear, though I don't think mine is unreasonable. I've sent you an e-mail.
DeleteOh, please post that e-mail here! Or post something about fear of intimacy. That's an interesting topic! Thanks!
DeleteAndrew: Honest reply - do you think a lot more men cheat than women are aware of? And do you think a great majority of men will cheat if the risk of getting caught is practically non-existent?
ReplyDeleteAnon: I assume you don't have children? I think the main reason why most married couples' sex lives are slowing down is because of their daily duties, taking care of children etc. And as husband and wife there is a lot less of that excitement and thrill you have when dating someone non-exclusively (as you say the guy you're seeing doesn't want to settle). I hear some women say they've reached a sexual peak in their thirties, but I still find that to be mostly single women (especially if you have chosen not to look for a husband and children, that gives freedom to do whatever you want). All in all, I find it more common to hear men in their 40s complaining about the sex going out of the marriage than the other way around (usually due to their wives being exhausted/not having time). And as a 20-something girl, my experience is that (married) men in their late 30s/40s are just as sexual as younger men, especially outside their homes... I'm not saying that is due to wives becoming less physically attractive, it might just be the daily routines killing the passion.
Hard to say, not having a very good gage myself of "what women are aware of." know some men who cheat on their wives from time to time and I am almost sure their wives don't know. That being said, I've also heard of wives being skeptical about their husband's fidelity when I know for a fact that their husband hadn't fooled around in the slightest...
DeleteIt is really difficult to talk about "mens'" capacity for cheating, because it is affected by so many factors - the stability of the relationship, the attractiveness of the potential mistress, the man's moral beliefs, his sex drive, how much of a risk-taker he is, etc. - not to mention how much of a risk it is in the given circumstance. Then there are things like whether or not his role models cheated, his national culture (Americans cheat a lot less than other nationalities in my experience, which is actually not as small as you might think for a 27-year-old), or even something like his fear of contracting STDs.
Long story short: I don't have an answer for you because I don't think it is possible to generalize about this in the same way it is possible to generalize about how men perceive female attractiveness over time (for example).
I get that. There is no foolproof way of knowing your husband won't cheat, my best friend was cheated on and she was with a guy who was way under her league (socially + physically). She even had a higher sex drive, a lot of the time he didn't want to have sex with her. In the end he slept with someone else. Then he begged her to stay as he didn't want the relationship to end. It's a mystery to me.
DeleteOne comment about the external attractiveness for older women: I read in a study that the exact age women start to really look older is 35 (or 33 days after your 35th birthday). It's the moment when you experience real physical decline, and secondly when your choices start to make an impact. The most important difference is that the skin repairs itself much easier in your younger years, whereas the bad choices you make in your thirties will stick. Those things include excessive partying and drinking, sun exposure (especially with low SPF!), sleeping with makeup on, bad food habits, smoking etc. You could survive it in your twenties but in your thirties it will stick. On the positive side this means that if you're extremely careful and healthy and do the right treatments, there is no reason why a 34 year old cannot look 26. Some Hollywood celebs are proof of that (Rachel McAdams, January Jones, Jessica Alba). After 35, a woman's appearance will be more "grown up" and it's more about looking good for your age than looking like 25. But early thirties is perhaps the age where it is the easiest for a woman to look significantly younger than her age, because you CAN prevent those wrinkles (90& of wrinkles come from sun exposure). I might be conservative in some people's POV but late thirties/40 is not an age for miniskirts. Legs show signs of aging. Don't try to compete with the 20 year olds, keep it right above the knee, but take care of your appearance.
Anna-I have two kid, 10 and 7, and was married for 13 years and am now single. I would agree with you about taking care of yourself in your 30s. I did not really drink (or smoke) at all in my 30s because I was raising children. I exercised regularly and am a slave to sunblock! As far as the miniskirts go, I think that is a very antiquated point of view. Have you seen the photos of Helen Mirren in a bikini? As women, we should capitalize on what we have. I have a friend who is 39 who has legs that make men weep. If you saw them in a lineup you would say she is 25 max. I think the key is to not show too much skin at once as we age. If you are wearing a short skirt, do not reveal cleavage, back skin, etc.
Deletegreat blog. I'm hooked. I'm a twenty-five year old woman, but I have a hunch in a few years, the type of guys that aren't interested in me now will be interested in an older version of me. I don't know why, though i think it has something to do with your first point.
ReplyDeleteAndrew - you've emphasized a couple of times that provocative dressing does not necessarily make men see you as a slut as much as your behaviour does (I somewhat disagree with this, because I think women's way of clothing says something about them).
ReplyDeleteBut do you agree that women should change their style as they get older?
I have noticed, in particular with American women, that a lot of girls wear very provocative clothes on nights out. They might care about colours and fit to a small extent (not fabrics I think), but the main goal seems to be to have breasts/legs/butt on show or to have something really fitted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude and am supportive of showing off a feminine form, but not all assets at once. I have also noticed that a lot of women wear short and tight dresses, lots of cleavage etc in their 30s or even 40s. For those who are single, I understand they want male attention, but I still don't think it's the way to go about it.
I know some people feel that "if you look good for your age, show it off". I belong to a group (perhaps increasingly old-fashioned) which believes that women should sometimes refrain of from showing all they've got at once. And as you get older, you just need to cover up more. You might have a great figure for your age and sometimes better than many younger girls, but a great figure at 35 will never look as good as a great figure at 25. Legs age, which cannot be helped, and I just think that instead of a dress which barely covers her butt, she could choose one right above the knee. It can still be fitted and flattering.
To me, it just looks a bit desperate. As if they're terribly afraid men won't see enough. Men are seemingly not supposed to wonder what your thighs look like, they're supposed to know.
I understand if men go "yay!" for more skin on display and that very few men will tell a woman to cover up, but I really don't see the appeal of women of all ages wearing Herve Leger. I think you are judged by the way you're dressed and I know men notice the provocative factor. I don't think designer items will always be worth the price in male attention, but I've had men tell me many, many times that I look elegant and much more ladylike than what they are used to. I might get attention from the same guys in a lycra minidress, but I think covering up filters out some perverts. Especially after a certain age, because as you say, a lot of men see older, single women as easy sex already and if you emphasize this with a dress showing off your bra, you'll be labeled 'party girl' IMO.
I agree that it looks bad when it looks desperate. But I think it is important to point out that it ONLY looks bad when it looks desperate. And it is definitely possible for older women to dress sexy without looking desperate. I saw a woman in her late fourties the other day who was gorgeous - wearing a fairly short, tight dress, cleavage, high heels, had a great body, hair, everything. Just because your legs (for example) show signs of aging does not mean it is inappropriate to show them off - they are still attractive. As long as you do so in a classy manner, I am a huge advocate of it. Just like sluttiness, desperation or classiness alike are both conveyed more through posture, presence, and actions than they are through dress.
DeleteYes, of course there are limits to this, but I think they are "sluttier" looking limits than most conservative women think.
Yeah, I'll second that. I think that often an older woman who is dressing sexy looks a lot less desperate than her 20 year old counterpart. It's the younguns who look more desperate, particularly when they don't have the body or they can't even walk in the sky high heels they're wearing.
Delete"A great figure at 35 will never look as good as a great figure at 25." So what? A great figure is a great figure. Of course it looks different, doesn't mean its not good to have and doesn't follow one needs to cover up just because the 25 year old looks "better." If that's the case, all of us who don't look like Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie should just take a gun and shoot ourselves.
"If that's the case, all of us who don't look like Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie should just take a gun and shoot ourselves."
DeleteNo.. It's not like you either have to flaunt everything you have or alternatively shoot yourself. You can dress sexy, but appropriate to your age.
A great figure is always great to have, I have NOT said otherwise, but women who dress in clothes which are obviously designed for women 10 or 20 years younger, do not look good. I see 35 year old women in clothes I wouldn't be caught dead in, polyester fabrics and boobs and legs on display at the same time. Of course a woman past 30 looking like she's out to 'pull' IS more desperate than a 20 year old doing the same. All over, I see women 30+ looking more tacky than their younger counterparts in clubs, as they clearly make up for their declining looks by putting more flesh on display.
So then what do men see in younger women? For example, why would a 26 year old date a 19 year old?
ReplyDeleteBeauty is obviously the main motive, but another reason is openness. I am working on a new post about this, but older women can become closed, jaded and cold towards men because of the bad experiences they've had with them.
DeleteYoung women are more naive, but this allows them to be more trusting and open. It is a differeny type of openness from that which many older women develop (rooted in social comfort rather than ignorance) but it has much the same effect; it is pleasant to be around.
I've found that in most younger women this openness is outweighed by their lack of depth; but in some rare instances they do have the maturity I am looking for. I am talking to one girl right now that is 21, beautiful and very open, but also smart and poised - mature well beyond her years. She carries herself more like a 30-year-old than a 21-year-old, but without any of the bad effects I just described. This is extremely rare.
Are you dating her seriously? I think we are all waiting for something serious to develop! With so many great women out there combined with your wisdom of the female species :-) I can't wait for this to turn into a "how I fell in love" blog.
DeleteUnfortunately she goes to school on the other side of the country. I met her here when she was on summer break...
DeleteI'm in no rush though. There are other good girls out there too.
There are heaps of girls like that in places were smart people inhabit (like difficult to get into universities) Just a tip ;)
Delete*where :D
DeleteApart from beauty, a lot of men like young women because many of them are naive, easy to mold and manipulate, where as an older woman who has been around the block a few times would be wiser. I know from experience that a lot of men do not like intelligent, streetwise and knowledgible women
Deletewhile i think i didn't look pretty until my 30s (seriously, no one ever paid a lick of attention to me), i guess the window has closed for me at 35. rats, being at my peak was fun while it lasted!
ReplyDeleteHaha love the sarcasm...same here friend! Guess since I'm 36 I must be invisible..oh wait..I get way more attention now than when I was in my 20s. And for all those posts about deteriorating bodies, mine is at it's peak and quite frankly I'm tired of telling my age as I.am tired of watching jaws drop. I've had countless much younger men fall for me, regardless of sex. Even as young as 15 years younger. Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive. I wont always look this way but you know, I'll still be beautiful and grateful for the wisdom my years have brought.
DeleteWahoo! 40 plus comment thread, congrats Andrew!
ReplyDeletehaha thanks - though half of them are mine...
DeleteI have a few more questions :-)
ReplyDelete1. The age range - you say you mean a woman "older than the man", but since you are in your late twenties, I take this is about women around 35yrs? What I mean is if the woman is older than that, she will perhaps be excluded for something serious due to lack of fertility? Or at the very least because she'll want children very soon. If a man is 30 and wants children at some point (which is most men I believe?), I assume he won't get into anything serious with a 40 year old?
2. Could you elaborate a bit more regarding personality? I am 21 and although I get attention from men of all ages, I match better with older men in terms of interest and just carrying a good conversation. Guys my own age are mostly hopeless (think many girls will agree), 26/27 is better, although it is rare that I meet a guy that age whose interests stretch beyond watching sports or Entourage. If I want a man who's well read, well traveled, confident, successful, funny and have a wide set of interests, I NEED to look for guys 30+. If age is not really an obstacle, 40+ preferably. I think the combo "younger woman + older man" is popular for several reasons, not just due to fertility. It might be very much possible that you (and some guys around 30) go for slightly older women because they are confident and more interesting, but I cannot see a 24 year old guy going for an older woman for anything but sex - after all, he is a baby personality-wise compared to her? I can see it work with a guy who's 30 and a woman who's 35 (or perhaps 40 if he doesn't care about children), but it generally takes longer for guys to grow up, so when I've seen couples with an older woman, she has been quite "childish". (It ended anyway, I might add).
3. What do think is an appropriate age different the other way around? Should young girls be as skeptical about older men as older women should be about younger men? (I believe older women should be VERY skeptical about younger men, I have a friend who's 38 and single and always go for guys 10 years younger. They usually date for a while until she declares she's in love and it all fades into nothing. She juggles 4-5 guys at a time usually, to increase her odds I believe..it seems popular for young men to string along older women). Is it more likely that I'll be taken more seriously by older men as I turn 25 than I will at 21? I was out with a 34 year old man who genuinely wanted to be with me, but I'm afraid it's an exception. If it is possible, how can I prove to older guys that I have more to offer than many girls my age and that I'm not just some little doll? I sometimes feel like they look at me and really don't listen as if they're dating me for my youth/looks. You know, when a man stares at you and smiles irregardless of what you're saying? :/
1. I am 27 so for me it means about 30 to 36. Some but not all men are concerned with fertility. Beauty is usually the first concern, then come the "practical" concerns about fertility. A man who is 30 and wants children would almost never get involved with a 40-year-old because he knows he can still get girls in their twenties, or at least in their early thirties. It would be like buying a used car when you could get a perfectly good (or better) new one for the same price, or even less. Harsh analogy maybe, but a true one when it comes to a man's mentality.
Delete2. Personality is a difficult thing - maybe an impossible thing - to generalize about, so I don't have too much more to say. But don't worry, guys that want to date older women are as rare as women that want to date younger men. If you go for a guy who is over, let's say, 32, when you are still only 21... don't be surprised when it doesn't work out. While you are probably attracted to his experience, wisdom, conversational skills, accomplishment, etc. And he is undoubtedly wildly attracted to your beauty, you almost definitely will not be able to provide him the companionship that most men want from the women they will marry.
3. I think you need to be worried about older men in proportion to how much older than you they are. See my answer to #2. As the age disparity grows, you can still fulfill his sexual needs perfectly, but his personal needs are more than you have the experience to fulfill. I do think that you will be taken more seriously by a 35-year-old when you are 25 than you will be taken seriously by a 31-year-old when you are 21. I've been told - and my personal experience so far confirms - that people mature a lot during their twenties. The farther through them you are, the more likely you are to be on a level plane with a guy in his thirties. I don't think you can force maturity though, so it will mostly be a waiting game for you. I also know the "look" you are talking about. When I date girls in their early twenties (which I continue to do, in hope of finding one that is more mature than her peers), I find myself listening to what they are saying while thinking "this girl has a lot of growing up to do." Of course I mean that only relative to myself - a 40 year old woman would probably give me the same look if we were to go on a date...
Hope that helps.
I have to add, the "look" I was referring to is not (only) about a mismatch. I have found a guy to stare at my face or watch my mouth when I'm speaking while slightly smiling in a "she's so cute" sort of way. And not listen. It doesn't have to be the fact that he finds me uninteresting - some guys don't even listen when you answer their questions or say where you went to school. I experience that in different situations, but especially when a guy is a lot older and sought me out because he wanted someone young, and really don't care what I say or mean. I also think some men are prejudiced about younger girls and assume we have a pretty narrow set of interests and will react with shock if we happen to be up to date on politics etc.
DeleteDating older men is difficult because there is a social stigma around age difference and a very decent and intelligent guy will probably find it inappropriate and hesitate if a girl is too young. Whereas those who openly approaches you can be a bit sleazy and really don't care about who you are.
Do you think looks is always a very big part of it if a 40 year old man goes for a girl in her twenties? For example Rosie Huntington-Whitely and Jason Statham. I'm excited to see how that works out.
"Do you think looks is always a very big part of it if a 40 year old man goes for a girl in her twenties?"
DeleteI think looks is always a very big part of it for any man going for any woman. But yes, it is particularly true when the man is much older. This does not mean, however, that he doesn't like her personality.
Will it affect a man's opinion of a girl to know that she has dated much older men in the past?
DeleteParticularly if he is wealthy (I know it is popular for some guys to refuse to see the appeal in successful men and call girls 'golddiggers', which is something we have to live with). Of course opinions vary, but in YOUR opinion, if a girl went out with a businessman, say of 40-something, for a period of time while she was in her early twenties, would that shape your opinion of her? As in thinking she was in it for the money, that she was naive, thinking that he only had sex in mind etc.
Oh, while we're at the subject, can you add something to the list for later topics? How much do guys care about the type of guys a girl has dated before. I.e. not just the number, but if they happen to meet/find out about a previous ex/fwb/fling/date, can it affect their opinion of a girl? I'm asking because some guys at HUS seem to not want a girl who's had 'alpha males' in the past.
For sure some guys will care about a girl's exs (who they were, for how long, etc.). Others won't. Just like jealousy (because it is partially related), I don't think this is a male-female issue; it is a matter of the man's confidence and preferences. My guess is that most guys will care a little bit, but most will be content to know that you are with them now.
DeleteI personally don't give a shit who a girl has dated, but that is mostly because I am pretty conceited. If he was funnier than me, I just tell myself that I am smarter. If he was stronger, I tell myself that I am more fun. If he had an enormous dick, I assume that I use mine better. You can probably appreciate how this kind of mindset is not sex-based. I know women who are just as cocky and I know men that aren't at all.
I will put your suggestion on the list.
"I find myself listening to what they are saying while thinking "this girl has a lot of growing up to do." Of course I mean that only relative to myself - a 40 year old woman would probably give me the same look if we were to go on a date..."
ReplyDeleteI doubt it Andrew - you sound very emotionally mature for a man your age, as well as being very intelligent and articulate, and I'm sure you hold your own in conversation easily. But it depends on whom you're sitting across from of course, and her own maturity level regardless of her age.
Cassandra
I just come across recent pictures of Christie Brinkley - 58 years old:
ReplyDeletehttp://cdn.imnotobsessed.com/wp-content/uploads/christie-brinkley2012-04-16_05-03-43a-vision-in-white-487x800.jpg
So that's what you CAN look like.
Btw, are men all right with plastic surgery/fillers if it is tastefully done the way she has?
I am a black woman married to a white man 10 years younger, and I look younger and hotter than the women who are his peers. Even some of the black ones. I have always looked 10 - 15 years younger than my actual age, which is why he pursued me in the first place. The problem is the baby thing if the woman in question is 40 or more years old, which has to be part of younger men not going for an LTR with an older woman.
ReplyDeleteI think the baby thing is a problem anyway, even if the woman is under 40. Firstly, fertility starts dropping at 30, then majorly at 35. Many want several children, not just one - so you need to start way ahead of that. Nobody wants to rush such an important decision. When a man is with a woman the same age or younger, they are more 'in tune' and he doesn't have the stress factor with children. You don't want to feel like you are having children only because "she is over 30, so we have to start sometime".
DeleteI find that the real distinction between women 30+ and under is confidence. A woman can be well mannered and from a good family, or she may not be. She may be intelligent and curious of knowledge, or she's not. She may be introverted or extroverted. But those things are often your given personality, at the very least they hare visible by the time you're 25. Women 30+ don't necessarily exhibit any of those things more than others - they vary just as much as the younger ones.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely see the importance of life experience and being comfortable in your own skin. Speaking from the 30+ women I know, their confidence seems to be an advantage for them more on a personal level and in terms of enjoying life, not necessarily in terms of attracting men (they are still single...).
You've said before that confidence is something women look for in men, not the other way around. And to be honest here - I know women who sleep with younger guys (often doesn't end in dating). The guys they end up seeing are the type of guys who enjoy women taking charge. Which is still a minority of men? I think my connections of 30-something women are particularly outspoken and promiscuous, but I need to ask: is confidence something young women should really work at? Is being 'lively', outspoken and 'fun' something that results in a LTR? I know it gets attention, but I'm not sure if it gets a woman further.
Disagree. Mature men DO look for confidence in women and even a lot of men who aren't mature can see the value. I have seen women with off the chart confidence who could get any man they wanted without even trying. guys who normally only chased the best looking women were falling all over themselves to get to her. BUT women with that level of confidence are RARE so most guys have never even met one.
DeleteHaving self-worth, integrity and not being insecure is of course important for women too. But 'off the chart confidence' only attracts a certain type of men. It attracts those who want women to take charge - but that's a minority. If you'd ask a group of men to list the most important things they look for in a woman, they'd probably mention that she should have integrity and be true to herself, but they are unlikely to mention a woman who's outspoken or "owns the room". And that's not because they haven't met any women like that - we all have. My experience is that those women have great short-term success, but not long term. Men can enjoy a woman doing the job for them, but get bored of it easily.
DeleteAndrew, dating several women in a one-year period does not make you an expert on anything but really short term relationships where you were not even into the woman for anything but sex. To be honest, most of the reasons why a guy older than you would get with an older woman have nothing to do with sex even tho sex is obviously important to men.
ReplyDeleteI also disagree with your claim that women peek in their attractiveness in their early 20s. Some women age like fine wine and looked very unattractive or less attractive in their 20s but incredibly good later in life. With other women they may not look as good as they did when they were younger but unless you knew them when they were younger it doesn't really matter as long as they look good to you now. And personally, I like how an older woman fills out and carries her weight differently than the average 20s woman or High School girl. As long as the woman is fit it's all good. If a woman is 30s+ with the body of an average High School or College girl it's a turn off to me. If it wasn't I would be trolling colleges for dates but I'm older than you too... so we have a different POV.
This is a first for me. I have never responded on any subject before. Let me first make it perfectly clear, I am an "old man" if you consider 79 as old. Having raised 3 fine girls and remained married to the same woman for over 50 years. Any form of sex died about 10 years ago and I doubt it will be resurrected any time soon. I would love to feel the softness of a woman in bed again. Age would not matter only a touch of kindness and a whispered conversation soft touches and a warm breath on my old face. My advice to all of you. Forget about age, perceived beauty or lack thereof. Embrace her and enjoy every blessed moment because when it's gone you don't have much left.
ReplyDeleteDid you feel that way at 30?
DeleteI'm not sure the point of the question. It was a whole different world then. How I felt then as compared to now would be hard to define. Anyway I see alot of wasted time and energy playing word games and one-upmanship in relationships when you could be doing some thing far more interesting.
DeleteThe point is to make you realize that your opinion now, at 79 - however right it may be - doesn't mean that my post is wrong.
DeleteI am not describing how men SHOULD feel about a woman's age, but how they DO feel about it - when they are in their sexual prime (20s and 30s). Women need to know what men DO think, not what men SHOULD think in order to have a successful relationship.
In other words, maybe you are right, maybe men shouldn't be so concerned with age; maybe it really isn't such a big deal. But the fact is that we (eligible men) DO put a lot of importance on age, and women need to know this in order to navigate through the dating world.
I loved your comment I am so happy you made your point, some of these comments are so superficial and shallow, and yours was the truth, the loving truth. not Andrew...but Anonymous
DeleteWell...I'm fairly certain that the experiences you have discused throughout this article is just simply oppinions of people who are either too young to have experienced anything except lust or never knew what true love, passion, or truely connecting with another person is. I am in my late 40's. I have 4 children. I am married to a man who is 35. We have been together for over 11 years now. When we met. I was divorced for a few years and was not looking for anyone. Either we are the exception to the rule, or simply meant to be together. We still can not get enough of each other, in or out of the bedroom. We are everything to each other and our life together is loving, exciting,and. Never boring. My youngest child is the only child that is left at home now at the age of 12. We enjoy being together, going places together and totally adore sex together. All I can say from this point is...find your own happiness. Whether it is with somone younger, the same age, older, or simply by yourself. Just be happy. It doesn't matter what age we are as long as we are happy. Period.
ReplyDeleteexception
DeleteI saw an article on Eva Longoria with a new 'boy toy' and thought of this post. She's attractive and most men I know like her. Still, she can never hold down a decent guy and she's now in her late thirties. She constantly goes for younger men (men with little internal attractiveness also it seems). The same goes for other celebrity women - which is proof that it doesn't really matter how well you look "for your age" as many of them look great.
ReplyDeleteI'm usually the older women in my relationships..they usually fall into two categories (or a mixture of both)- men who have some sort of sexual fascination with older women (Mommy issues perhaps or the glamorization of older women in recent popular culture)..and men who cannot relate to their peers intellectually (their tired of women who yabber on about their hair extensions).
ReplyDeleteThe problem I have with younger men is that they become infatuated rapidly with grandiose gestures and many young men do not really have an idea of what real love entails..even if they are intelligent and mature for their age.
I think I will probably cease dating younger men in the near future because there's only so much they can offer at their age whether they are aware of it or not (attempting not to generalize here..there are exceptions I'm sure but few and far between).
Hello. You (the main author) mentioned a couple of times that men want variety and we (girls) don't understand how strong is men's lust, or words to that effect. The thing is, in this as in many areas of life, humans are complex and varied, and individuals can't necessarily be predicted on the strength of group tendencies. I, for instance, am a very happily married girl, but this does not stop me from wanting to sleep with any beautiful boy I see. It also doesn't detract in the slightest from my love towards my husband, or even from my appreciation of his physical beauty. It's just that those other boys are beautiful too, so I want them (strongly) in a purely physical way, without having any interest in their personalities (if any). Several of my female friends tell me they have similar 'urges'. Some (perhaps many) girls do strongly want variety (even if, like me, they don't act upon this potent desire because they think their husbands don't deserve to be cuckolded). It's not just a case of "girls = emotion, men = lust". (And incidentally I've seen several spectacular, dramatic displays of romantic emotion from men: least some of them appear to be as 'emotional' as the stereotypical clingy weepy girl). I'm not trying to be nasty or 'teachery': you're clearly intelligent and a careful thinker, and I just wanted to point out a facet of female experience that is often overlooked.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, your presumption that women get less attractive as they age is false. This doesn't have to be the case. I'm a 45 yr old woman. I'm also making my living as a model. I'm often told I look much younger than I am, because I take good care of myself. I'm also smart as hell. I'm confident. I'm interesting. I'm funny. I'm an amazing partner, which is probably why my last 3 relationships have been with younger men. My current boyfriend is 37. He fell in love with my fairly quickly. I can totally see what I have with him going somewhere longterm. My prior 2 boyfriends (and yes I said "boyfriends", not "casual hookups") were 26-27. 1 of them, I dated for 4 yrs.
ReplyDeleteWe broke up because he had a serious drinking problem. I broke up with him after 4 yrs off and on, putting up with crazy-making behavior.
The 2nd bf in his 20s is seriously an emotional cripple. Maybe 1 day he'll grow up and figure out what he wants. We dated 6 months.
Both guys wanted to get serious with *me*-it wasn't the other way around. I did not push them for relationships, as I was skeptical such a huge age gap could work.
You make it sound as if all older women are easy and desperate, and all younger guys just want a 1-night stand with them. Not true. Most younger guys are tired of the BS games that girls their age play, and want someone who can actually carry on a conversation..for a relationship. Not a fling. And many are quite open-minded about the possibility that an age-gap dating situation is not just about "bagging a cougar."
Too bad you U.S. guys aren't as sophisticated about all this as europeans are. Most europeans acknowledge the allure and attractiveness of older women and have no problem entering relationships with them.
Anyway, I intend to keep modeling as long as people will pay me to get naked, and date my 37-yr old. Who knows..we might end up married. If so, I'll definitely update you :)
Post a picture of yourself at age 24 and now. Let's see what the public thinks.
DeleteBtw, I'm European and know guys all over Europe. Many of them date older women. But I'm afraid their intentions aren't more 'noble' - they are temporary (especially if the woman is American!). Men from France, Italy, Spain, Switzerland etc have different manners and approaches to women - to Americans they come off as very emotional and romantic. That may be true, but it doesn't mean they are serious about you. Of course I don't know your boyfriends, but I see 30-something (and older) women move to Europe all the time and hooking up with younger men. Whether they date 2 weeks or 2 years isn't relevant - it doesn't end in marriage.
DeleteThe fact that the younger men you've dated have drinking problems, are emotionally unstable, immature etc. is probably an indication that you aren't attracting the top notch men?
You may very well be attractive and intelligent but ALL the high quality men I know around 30 whom are looking for commitment, are engaged or married to women their age or 3-5 years younger. I still believe it makes sense for women to go for men their own age or over.
I happened upon this blog yesterday evening and I'm impressed with the thoughtful dialogue between you, Andrew, and my fellow readers. I'm commenting on your topic of younger mens' perceptions of older women because I am a recently single 46 yr. old woman who is only attracted to younger men for various reasons: their optimistic perspectives, lack of baggage, tastes in music, to name a few. However, I disagree with some of your observations when I apply them to myself. I get hit on by men as young as 19, some with beautiful hard bodies, but I choose not to "share" my body with them as I'm not easy and I'm perhaps being naive, but I'm holding out until I meet someone I really like and that really likes me, not just my body. And as far as my attractiveness level peaking in my 20s, that really made me laugh because I know I have a better body than most 20 yr. old women including my own when I was 20. So, in my case, "hot" is applicable or so I am told by many men most of which are under the age of 25. I had a couple of guys that said they didn't care about having children and wanted a serious relationship with me but I didn't like them enough to get serious with them so I'd rather not get involved just to avoid being alone. Would I like a serious relationship with a younger man? The answer is yes. Do I think a relationship with a man 20 yrs. my junior would last ad infinitum? No. But then again, what does, with the exception of the shelf life of a twinkie? I know I'm probably taking a chance with my heart but I'm willing to take this chance as I figure I don't have anything to lose. My dilemma is where to meet men. I don't frequent bars. Never been my scene. The only time I was in them when I was in my 20s, was if my ex and I rented one out for the night to promote a punk show in LA or OC. The idea of me sitting in a bar is coma inducing. Thus far, I've met guys mostly at parties, on dating sites and just being out and about doing errands. But this doesn't happen on a regular basis. Short of becoming a groupie on the NASCAR circuit, do you have any suggestions? =)
ReplyDeleteHave you seen any cases of older women (say 40+) being more/same level of attractiveness physically, and do you know what they did that kept them this way?
ReplyDeleteNo, not really. Sometimes if a woman is fat in her 20s and slims down in her 30s or 40s she might look better, but it is because her weight loss balances her loss of beauty elsewhere.
DeleteThis is a tough one because some guys just prefer older women, just like some people prefer to be pedophiles. There's not a whole lot of reason behind it other than that's what they are attracted to.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have seen, it's a matter of low self-esteem on the older woman (or significantly older man's) end. If it makes the older woman feel hot and young, and the guy is willing, then I guess good for her, but she's probably got some of her own issues to work out.
Some guys, as in, a small fraction of them. Be careful not to represent "some guys" as if 50% like younger women and 50% like older women. Just look at what men DO, and ignore what they (even I) say. How many men do you know who have married older women or have dated them long-term and had a deep emotional connection? Even in the latter case, consider why the relationship ended...
DeleteYes, hopefully a small fraction. I think there's a big difference between the "Stifler's Mom" trend (so to say) and the number of men who would actually pursue an older woman in a serious manner.
DeleteMy fiance has dated older women (6-10 or so years) and he said it was because they pursued him and were therefore easy to have sex with. All of them married too young, had children too young, then divorced by the age where most sensible people begin to marry. Prime set-up for initiating desperate acts that are meant to fill a void. Almost impossible for the older woman to avoid feeling dejected afterwords because deep down they are aware of the true nature of the encounter. Like I said, it seems more of a self-esteem/immaturity issue than anything. Who wouldn't want to feel young and hot again because some young hot guy is sleeping with them?
The times where I have been pursued by older men, I couldn't help but think, 'What is wrong with this 32 year old that he wants to date an 18 year old?' I always viewed it as it being something wrong with the older pursuer that they can't find someone a bit closer to their age. It's got to be a lot different for girls than it is with guys, because I was always genuinely creeped out.
Yes, "some guys just prefer older women". I'm one of those guys, and I agree that "There's not a whole lot of reason behind it other than that's what they are attracted to". I have really noticed how much I prefer older women as I have watched my wife get older. We have been together for 30+ years, and now that she's in her late 50's, I notice how much more intense my sexual attraction to her has become.
DeleteMany men of all ages are in fact seriously dating women their own age or a few years older. My mum is two years older than my dad, both my grandmothers are a few months older than their husbands. It's a common notion ( you read on the Internet that older women are not seriously interested in women older than them , and I'm sure many are not but many are and I'm sure that nearly every person here knows at least one couple where the women is older.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that alot of men in Andrew's age group think the same way he does. I think they lack emotional depth and see love in a more calculating way. Love to them is feeling infatuated with a physically attractive women who also meet their ideal girl checklist. Many women are also like this. So many people are blinded by people's good looks.
ReplyDeleteI know plenty of women in their late or mid thirties who are educated and seem so confident and intelligent but put up with so much crap because they are infatuated with a good looking, tall guy who is not as responsible or educated as they are.
Those of us who want to get married, want to be loved despite our declining looks or flaws that cannot be changed.Aing to love someone with wrinkles and all. Yes looks do fade with age no matter how much you try to take care of yourself and we have a difficult time accepting that in ourselves and others. This media based looks culture is *****! It preys on our libido and fear of aging for the mighty dollar. I think people were more accepting of aging prior to television and the media's influence on our culture.
I am of African descent and we simply don't age the same, Andrew. My BF is 27 and I am 32, I look much younger than him (he's white). You mght want to make the point that people of color age much better (or should I say differently) than their white counterparts.
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty good point.
DeleteCorrect. I'm Asian and look younger than my age. I'm seeing an a white American guy my age, but he looks like he's 7 years older than I am--and he's relatively fit. While I would have wanted to date a guy who's at least 5 years older than me, I often think twice because most Caucasian men in that age range look much older than they really are, and would be accused of pedophilia if they date me. Most Asian men I know of, unfortunately, are married, gay, or mamas' boys.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from recent experience here. I am a man in his late 20s who recently ended a relationship with a woman in her mid 30s. First, she was probably one of the most attractive women I have been with and we ended up dating for a while. In the beginning, I already had it set in my mind that it wouldn't lead to a longer term relationship/marriage. The age difference is really a deal breaker, regardless of how hot she is. She was looking for marriage and kids. As you start dating them, you realize the reasons why they remained single way into their 30s. Waiting for an "all in one package" is one of them and always thinking they can do better (wealth, looks, social status, etc). This is the general nature of many hot women here in NYC. Another reason I have found is that they didn't blossom socially until their late 20s / early 30s and were sort of late to the game. Selfish personality is also another reason.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is, even if you have the mindset of not taking it long term in the beginning, as you start dating, you will develop feelings. I can say that I loved her, regardless of her flaws, and I honestly still miss her. I truly enjoyed every moment with her, but the age difference was constantly in the back of my head. Feelings of guilt, getting in too deep, and rationalizations creep in fast. Ending it was an extremely difficult move, but I know it was the right decision for both of us in the long run.
As a guy, I know I would not feel "ready" in life until I turned the 30 corner. Reasons a guy won't take these relationships full commitment are: 1. Does not want marriage/kids as soon as she does and not ready to settle down, 2. Her aging, 3. Pregnancy risks down the road, 4. Social judgement, 5. The thought of possibly meeting a younger woman to fall in love with.
We are human, we develop feelings, but the reality of life can make it all inconvenient. I am sure there are those who commit fully and sometimes I wish I could be one of them.
Andrew please explain, I see lots of men once they hit the threshold of 30 go after women purely for their youth irregardless of how they look. This baffles me that even some beautiful ladies in their late twenties are cast aside in favor of women in their very early twenties. A lot of these women aren't even much to look at so do they think that this will change?
ReplyDeleteRating women 1-10, how much can one 'reduce' the loss of attractiveness over time?
ReplyDeleteNo matter how well a woman keeps up her looks, she'll be less attractive at 45 than she was at 25 (unless she didn't take care of herself back then), so there is an inevitable loss.
Take Denise Richards as an example (as she's an actress I find very attractive) - she was better looking 10 years ago, but how many 'points' would you say she's fallen? Is it even possible to be an 8 at 40?
Plastic surgery can work miracles. To an untrained eye, it can shave off 3-5 years of aging. I know this because I saw before and after photos of the woman I dated, although I never could figure out what she did to her face. Other than lip plumping and botox, what else can a women get done to youthen up her face?
DeleteThe best thing is to slow it from the beginning: plenty of water, sleep, sunscreen, skincare treatments (facials, microdermabraison), no smoking and alcohol in moderation. Make up tricks can also work..this lady is great for them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA9UmDnjuIQ ...and she looks pretty fantastic herself for over 40.
DeleteIt can be hard to predict how a woman is going to age though, there are lots of early twenties hotties walking around a few of which you know are going to be beat by their early thirties. Some will manage to keep their looks. It almost seems to be clever to pick a woman past her early twenties (mid to late) because if she has managed to hold onto her looks past that point you know she will hold onto them for some time after that. Also I agree look at the mother because it seems most women do turn into them physically providing no environmental factor interference.
ReplyDeleteOlder women tend to give less importance to the social aspects of relationships, they enjoy being lusted for first, you can also act more inapropriate with them, which makes them so hot, I can stare at some hot 35-50 year old breasts and she'll unfocus and slightly close her eyes looking like she's between having an orgasm and being thankfull or sth, that damn thing is so hot, younger girls can't/don't want to do it.
ReplyDeleteAll women crave being desired at any age. The less physical attention a woman is used to, the more she appreciates it. An attractive 25 year old who takes care of herself and dresses to emphasize her assets, will get attention from men non stop. 30/40 something women are often extremely worried about not being desired anymore, or left for younger girls, which is why they respond a lot to flattery. It's also the background for the first point in Andrew's post - they're easier to have sex with.
DeleteAge really seems to matter to guys. Maybe things have changed in a year but as a 26 year old woman..my inbox would be flooded with messages. As a 27 year old woman there's has been a significant difference. I have even used pictures from when I was 25/26 to test this theory out (even though I have not changed physically). It's different though in person, I still have men coming up to me to tell me that I'm pretty and get honked at by guys in cars, looked at. I am dating now but I find that it is harder to get a man interested in you when all the facts are laid out there straight for him to see (even with a cute photograph) than it is when they actually look at you and assess your physical attractiveness and femininity upfront.
ReplyDeleteWhen you think about it it is a little silly, I understand that some men might care for issues related to fertility (even though a 27 year old still has at least 8 good years left to reproduce and a couple of supplemental years on top of that given technology) but lots of men aren't even thinking about having babies, they want someone to date casually or fuck. You mightn't have a single wrinkle on your face or an extra ten pounds on your waist but still for some it's the number that counts.
I think its all about an insecurity of a woman as she ages. A woman can look good at any age of she takes care of herself. as somenoe else mentioned above. But then every person who takes care of themself when young and as they get older will show in later years. Not to much drinking a healthy lifestyle exercising not smoking etc etc. Its an individual thing at the end. I am 7 years older than my bf. hes 20 im 27. ya some might think thats alot and people will tell me as you age it will show later on in life. But isnt it about respect and how much you care for the other person. you can base a relationship on looks for so long. we all end up in the ground at the end of the day we have one body one life enjoy it. I think a man can leave a woman regardless of how old she is, same with women. My dad is only 3 years older than my mom and he decided to be an ass in the recent months and leave her for another woman 23 years younger than him. Also marriage these days is close to pathetic. some people dont have n e more morals on what marriage is (regardless of having a kid or whatnot). Marriage just seems to fade and divorce is so in. It kinds pisses me off. Personally sometimes i dont know if i can trust any man at times just causes all i hear is men biologically get attracted to fertility of young beautiful women etc. But isnt that where we defer from animals ? we have a brain ? logic.. we should use it. Stop being so damn superficial at times and just go for the looks and beauty and go for who the person is. Im sorry for this rant, but ive pretty much had it in general with to many things in this world we live in.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how anyone male or female could generalize how even their own gender feels about sex "a woman could never understand a man's sex drive" etc. doesn't apply to me at ALL, and I'm visually aroused much more than emotionally, I guess maybe I'm not a 'real' female? Such a young guy,too, to have such an old fashioned mindset
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is a matter of being a "real" female. It is a matter of being less emotional and more physically sexual. You aren't "less" of a woman, you just want sex more than most women. You'll probably need to find a guy who can match your sexual drive in order to be fulfilled.
DeleteI'm sitting here having a little giggle. All these generalisations are fascinating to me. Why are they necessary? To make you feel less uncertain? More in control of the uncontrollable? These apparent 'answers' are a mirage. We live in a post-modern era where, yes, we need to be aware of other people's realities but we don't have to accept them as our own. If I took on board the general consensus in here I would start questioning everything I know to be true... and I'm not about to start doing that. I do agree, however, with the general agreement that 'looking after yourself" is very important and so few people actually do this. So many many people are sabotaging their lives and potential for success by eating non-food (highly processed, coloured, flavoured, mucked-around-with-rubbish) and by refusing to use their bodies in the way nature intended - WALK instead of drive... and no I don't want to hear any excuses as to why you drive everywhere. Give me excuses and be fat, end of story. Drink Coke and be fat and age prematurely... end of story. Oh but I am generalising now? :) People are wonderful and people's lives are fascinating and should never be pigeon-holed no matter how tempting that process may be. You just never know... you really don't. Love the discussions though, well done, I especially enjoyed the perspective of the 79yo fellow... he is right, life is short, just be happy with what you have here and now and appreciate it before you blink and it's gone. And be kind because everyone is dealing with some form of internal struggle... it doesn't matter how young you are, if you can read and understand this you are probably already mourning your lost youth ;) The only way to guarantee happiness is to really look forward to being old and reaping the wonderful harvest of the seeds that you planted in your youth. Just make sure you don't scatter those seeds on a cold and sterile ground... and don't feel angry with how the world is at the moment, be patient "this too shall pass".
ReplyDeleteAndrew you are very old-fashioned and have not noticed the world changing around you. Studies actually show that many men will choose older attractive women over younger ones and that it is a myth that they will choose quantity over quality if you want to talk on basic animalistic terms of reproduction. There are many beautiful women that are aging better than ever and are open minded enough to have relationships with younger men. In fact, what has even motivated to write your opinions on this topic. Perhaps to understand your need to be validated by a young women? Be careful, I'm sure that once a younger women hears some of your views that she will be completely turned off by your archaic views.
ReplyDeleteI never said that men would prefer younger women to older attractive women. In fact, if you read the post titled "What Men Think About Older Women" you will see I say that - all else being equal (looks, weight, etc.) - men prefer older women for their personalities. I agree with you (and the study).
DeleteI also never said men would choose quantity over quality. Again, if you read my other posts (Men and Sexual Variety) you will see that I agree with you; I say that men choose quality over quantity (i.e. they get married or have girlfriends), I just point out that they make a sacrifice in doing so.
I agree with the post above andrews. I'm a young girl. I'm 22 and I'm turned off completely. Andrew your a sexest goof and no absolutely nothing about women! Your just a nobody sersiously why are u even posting this shit on the internet, do you not have a life
DeleteWell said Anonymous September 13 :)
ReplyDelete"Women peak somewhere in their twenties for external attractiveness."
ReplyDeleteYou will be hard pressed to find an extroridnary looking female that is past the age of 25.
logic could take you from A to B . immagination could take you everywhere( Einstein).
ReplyDeleteThere is no absolute rules on earth. Everything could happen. Every human is a unique dance of life. let's enjoy the dance before the body disappears :)
Totally disagree with older women being easier to 'nail'.
ReplyDeleteIf one is conservative in their 20's then they will likely continue to be so in their 30's, 40's etc...
I've only once had sex with someone who didn't want to marry me.
Age hasn't changed how I don't like casual sex or sex with someone who
isn't crazy about me - and a man's intentions are always obvious.
A very good looking and successful man married a woman 10 years older than him (he was 36 and she 46 at the time). We met a year after they married through work. Over a period of a few months we became very close (he made the move) and became lovers and very close friends. I am also older by 6 years, and this has been going on for 6 years now. He is 42, I am 48, and she is 52. He spoke to me many times of the mistake he made marrying and the desire for us to be together. Still, he is very attractive and can have any woman he wants, he likes all women, not older as a rule, and he looks younger then 40. I also look younger and have no issues attracting attention from men of all ages. But why he chose me?! I asked him more then once and he said it is because we became very close and developed a connection, he finds himself very attracted (sexually) to me, and he trusts me completely. I am really not sure if I like to take things further and this upsets him. Still, my question is - is he honest, why me, it's been 6 years! It is not just about sex because we canot meet often, and as he travells all the time, he can find this easily elsewhere.Just wandering...
ReplyDeleteI think this pretty much confirms the post - "Older women should be cynical about younger men who claim they want to date seriously". He is screwing both of you around. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.
DeleteI thought about it too, but 6 years is a very long time. He can easily have much younger lovers and without problems if it is just about sex. By seeing me he is risking his career too and this worries me. Oh, and another interesting thing - he did want children but told me that for him it is more important to be with a woman he connects with and that he is in peace now about not having kids.
DeleteStrange guy, right?
the word CAD comes to mind
Delete"He can easily have much younger lovers and without problems if it is just about sex."
ReplyDeleteHow do you know he doesn't?
Every man who's unfaithful takes risks - taking risks is a type of excitement a lot of men crave - at least the cheaters do.
If you're happy with the way things are (I suppose you don't care about ethics/the fact that he is married to another woman), fine. If you're hoping for something other than sex to develop between you, forget it. It's been 6 years - if he wanted the two of you to be a couple, it would have happened by now.
We are both separated and he did try to convince me to go and be with him many times. His career took him to another continent and I am afraid to take the risk, leave my job and family and follow him. I know he is not seeing others from our mutual friends who lobby on his behalf. We are also known in our area of work and this would not help- he does not care about it, but I do.
ReplyDelete"A woman's attractiveness doesn't take a swan dive after 30. "
ReplyDeleteVery true.
I hear other men say 25 is the expiration date, but they cannot be serious
"I hear other men say 25 is the expiration date, but they cannot be serious"
ReplyDelete25 is the expiration date? Ha! It's just a way of trying to get the upper hand over women by creating an illusion that they'll have to settle as soon as they're approaching 30. The amount of men 40+ who has a shot with gorgeous under-25s is terribly small. Most men aren't George Clooney, after all. I'm 22 and I am the only one of my friends who find men over 40 attractive, and I am the only one who's ever dated anyone over 30. And the amount of over 40s I find attractive is very, very small.
This entire thing about men being so damn fortunate age-wise is true for only a very small amount of men. I think people forget what it's like for MOST guys out there. A man really has to stand out if he's 40+ and wants to get with a hot 20 year old (of course people's definitions of "hot" vary - some men would give everything to get with a 20 year old, regardless of what she looks like).
Also, men don't get more attractive as they get older. They just peak a bit later. Liam Neeson was hot in his 40s, post 50, he's an old man.
The most significant disadvantage for women is fertility, which limits the amount of time available if you want a family. But I don't know a single woman who thinks she must find someone before 25. As said in another post, 26-29 is a woman's most attractive age to find a partner.
Relationships are more complex than the over generalizations expressed here. I'll take my dog over any man. He is more faithful and doesn't give a shit if my ass is wobbly.
ReplyDeleteIt is ridiculous to state that the woman's most attractive age is 26-29! All women are different and have their pick at different age, child bearing has nothing to do with it. I live in Germany and the women here don't have kids before they are in their mid or late 30's. They look good, have succesful professional and social life and attract plenty of eligible bachelors. From my experience, women who are confident, successful, and take care of themselves have plenty of admirers regrdless of their age. And those 20-somethings - we eat them for breakfast and throw them away after because they can't provide anything except sex!!
ReplyDeleteI think I agree that women are most attractive between 26 to 29. When you think of all the Hollywood stars their biggest roles they seem to have have occurred in the 26-29 timeframe: Reese Witherspoon: Walk The Line, Kate Beckansale: Pearl Harbour, Diane Kruger: Troy. Also the current crop of late twenties women are pretty wow: Mila Kunis, Amber Heard, Scarlett Johansson, Katy Perry, Mandy Moore, Olivia Wilde. Early thirties seems good too for women who were attractive to begin with..Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Zooey Deschanel, Rachel Mc Adams to name a few.
ReplyDeleteI believe women are most attractive between 20 - 30.
ReplyDeleteOf course my opinion might change as I grow older
In my view there is a huge difference if you talk to men in their 20´s, or those who are in their 30´s and 40´s. The older guys already have kids in most cases, many had difficult relationships with younger women that they find boring and unfulfilling and absolutely love the company of older, attractive, sexy woman who knows how to please a man. Often those "older" ladies are in a lot better shape then their past girlfriends or wives, have better skills socially and are more adventurous in the bedroom. These women are confident, not desperate to get married or have kids as most have that already, and look for fun and pleasure. Often this attracts men a lot more and, in many cases, loving relationship develops.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of self-convincing going on here. The post clearly states that there are positives and negatives to dating an older woman. I agree on them, but all these comments on older women being sexy, gorgeous, amazing and "eating younger women for breakfast" are a bit desperate. It confirms my impression that 30-something women can get a tad full of themselves and THAT is a turn off. If they're all superstars, how come there are so many single 30-something women? And why do men leave their wives for younger women?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds a bit like the Sex and the City tune, "If I repeat that I am fabulous often enough, it will eventually be true". And PS men don't care about your "professional success" or "financial independence".
I think there are too many fixated on the age 30 and over 30's. 30 isn't the universal point where a woman's looks go downhill. It varies from woman to woman. I am 28 and I get carded more often than not(bearing in mind that I live in a country where the drinking age is 18)and it is constantly said to me even by strangers that I don't look my age. I do think women and men age at different rates..I know a man of 23 who is already grey with prominent wrinkles. I know of women my age and younger who look ravaged. I know older women with bodies I envy. Genetics are the main determinant (face shape,fat distribution, skin type) followed by lifestyle. Now I don't know what I'll look like by 30 in two years)...might end u like Betty White but I'm not expecting a huge change. 30 seems to hold a stigma that needs to be let go of.
ReplyDeleteMany women chose to be single after being in boring marriages. As a matter of fact,in most cases women walk out on a marriage after the kids are grown-up, not the men. The middle age crisis in men chasing young girls just to prove they can still pull is different to the women's view where she is looking to live an interesting and exciting life, not just taking care of husband and kids. And it's not just about sex either, that you can find easy at any age if looking good. Personally, I prefer men in their 40's but of course most are either married or attached.
ReplyDeleteWell,I am a 23 year old girl, very pretty and sexy according to all men I know until...they meet my mother! She is 47, in great shape and has lovely personality. She never dresses provocatively nor flirts with my friends but most of them are crazy about her. Sometimes it is embarassing for me to sit with them and listen to all comments about how fit and sexy she is, etc., etc. Don't get me wrong - I am not jelaous. When I tell her sometimes that she has a fan club she just laughes it off. This year she received 9 cards on St Valentine,flowers and chocolates. And she is not even interested in seeing anyone since her divorce from my Dad 2 years ago. So, I do believe that young men can like or fall in love with older attractive women,I can see it in front of my own eyes.
ReplyDeleteI bet 50%+ of ya have ONLY seen attractive 25+ women in pictures and in movies.
ReplyDelete:-p
I see women over 25 all of the time who look VERY sexy.
Deleteolder guys want younger women, and no one will want the aging 25+ crowd xcept the 4everaloners
DeleteI guess that's why no women ever get married after 25...
DeleteNow you are just trolling. I am guessing you are under 25 by the way you write..when you get older you might have different views.
Every girl I've met on PlentyOfFish after 25 start to get gross
DeleteWell, that could be to do with the quality of women over 25 that YOU can attract as opposed to the general quality of women over 25. You are making a generalization relating to male preferences when in fact men have different tastes so that "unappealing" over 25 that you meet could be very appealing to someone else. Granted women then to peak in attractiveness in their twenties but asserting that any woman past that point is "gross" is retarded. If that's the way you feel though, don't agree to meet them.
Deletemost women start to look old & wrinkly past 25-26.
Deletei read that on bodybuilding.com so it must be true :-p
Scientifically speaking, women start showing visible signs of aging at 35. That doesn't mean some women don't start getting wrinkles and sagging skin before that due to a very bad lifestyle, but a woman with a "normal" lifestyle or even someone who lives very healthy, will start showing signs at 35. Attractiveness is of course linked to fertility.
DeleteWomen under 25 are typically considered more desirable than women over 25. This is universal. A 27 year old women will be considered marginally less appealing than a 23 year old.
DeleteOf course. And a 19 year old is more physically attractive than a 23 year old. The point here was when "aging" really start. I'm 22 and my sister is 27 and I do not see any "aging" on her, nor any of her friends. They do take care of their figures, but I don't see any change in their faces either. IMO, you see it after 30, and mainly after 35.
DeleteI think the word marginally is a bit of an exaggeration. I am 27 and I get a lot more attention from men than I ever did at 23. It varies from person to person.
Delete"And a 19 year old is more physically attractive than a 23 year old"
Delete4real. I can tell if a female is 19 or 23 just by lookin at her :-p
Come to Europe and stroll the streets at lunch time in Milan, Munich,Paris and Madrid. I am sure that you will see plenty gorgeous and stylish women and you will not be able to even guess their ages. European women are great in keeping their natural beauty longer and have sex appeal. That's my view as a 32 year old guy who had the opportunity to experience a lot of women. I will take a well kept 40 year old Frau or Madam over a 20 year old Miss x full of herself any day! Boring and desperate to land a husband...
ReplyDeleteI don't think this proves anything age-wise. Europe has much less obesity than the US (along with other bad lifestyle habits) so a 22 year old European generally looks better than a 22 year old American as well. European women still don't look better as they age, they peak the same age.
DeleteIn my experience in Spain it's the reverse: 20 year old women are looking to party and 40 year old women are desperate to get married! But, it's true, the 40 year old women are often pretty hot.
DeleteMy mum is 48 and my stepdad is 40. They met 13 years ago when he was dating a girl his age and my mum was going through a divorce. She rejected him at first bcause he was so much younger but he fell in love hard. They love each other to bits, have 2 kids together and you would never guess the age gap! Everyone is different,you can't plan who you fall in love with!
ReplyDeleteInteresting views. I am one of those older women seeing a much younger man,9 years to be exact and he is 33. I did not approach him, actually I ignored his attention for almost a year. But he wants me and he knows that I will not want children. I love him too and struggle to let go. He proposed to me last weekend and I said that I need more time...difficult.
ReplyDeleteI'm 47 and I a have this 35 year old guy flirting with me a lot. He lives an hour away and invited me to go on a bike ride today, in which I declined, but he texts me several times a week. I don't look my age and when I first met him, he thought I was the same age as him. But damn, thanks for clearing up all my thoughts on the matter. So if anything happens, it will be sex only, no attachments!
ReplyDeleteWell,this is according to the opinion of a 27 year old man who has never been married. And also if your guy has a nasty mother who may not like a 47 year old daughter in law!
DeleteBut I see no reason for you to ignore him if you like him. Go and have some fun!
most men will find
ReplyDelete13-15 year old women still a little bit too childish and 24-28 year old women a little bit too old, so the average guy is the most attracted to 17-23 year old women
By her mid-20s a female has definetly lost that "hotness". A woman's peak (as far as looks go) runs between the ages of 17 until she is roughly 21
ReplyDeleteHe only wants you when you're 17... when you're 21, you're no fun. He'll take a polaroid and let you go, says he'll let you know, so c'mon.
ReplyDeleteI bet the guys that are commenting here about a woman having lost her "hotness" by mid twenties/21 or whatever else have an ex that rejected them above that age so they are just using this logic to somehow devalue her. Just because a woman is "past her peak" does not mean that she's no longer attractive.
ReplyDelete"Take a Polaroid and let her go?"..I'd wonder if you are about sixteen Anonymous if it weren't for the Polaroid references.
24-26, their face starts aging in a groce way
DeleteNo females wants to face, head on, the horrible truth that a woman's physical attractiveness, for ALL woman on the planet, rapidly decreases over the age of 25.
ReplyDeleteI think for some men it's more of a case of age as being a badge of honor than anything else..so they can say to their friends "Duuuude, I'm banging a 22 year old"..because looks wise it varies from woman to woman. I read somewhere that if a woman manages to retain attractiveness 25-30 she is more likely to retain that attractiveness to an extent for the rest of her life.
Deleteand no man want to face head out that they look like hell when they get older too, and the only reason a woman will sleep with them is only if they have money!
DeleteAnonymous, I agree that the peak of attractiveness occurs usually in the early twenties but that does not mean that a woman's attractiveness dissipates entirely after 25 as many men here are attempting to imply. Perhaps the manosphere is a better place to comment regarding this as there are women here like me and many others attempting to use the advice that Andrew gives to better our love lives.
ReplyDeletea woman's attractiveness dissipates entirely after after sweet 16.
Delete:-D
i just want sex with 70 year old girl to make her smile
ReplyDeleteAge is important, of course,in women and in men. But an ugly, fat, or unattractive 20 year old is likely to get less if any attention in comparisson with a pretty and sexy 40 year old. After all, looks and behaviour are by far more important in finding someone a turn on than age.
ReplyDeletei am 30 yrs old. i hav e been enjoying secretly sex wtth my 58 yrs old aunty.she appears more sexy and satisfying than my wife.my aunty provokes me to have sex with her when she is in traditiona1 indian dress saree.her lips are sexy.we kiss a lot.
ReplyDeleteSome of this stuff about older women is pure nonsense to me. I think the choices they make in dating all points back to their physical preferences based on the quality of their own looks. The myths regarding older women and easier access is not necessarily true. More false actually. Some are definitely easier than others and some are pickier than others. I personally avoid curious older women who all of a sudden have a new found love interest in shorter guys. I'm a 5'5 guy. Women don't like short guys and they never cared for me in the first place so why now all of a sudden at such an advanced age? Their disdain for short men and all the negativity our society imposes on us is well documented all over the web and this world.
ReplyDeleteWomen who have kept their looks with age still choose men based on the attention they receive. They all desire the 6 foot and up guys so don't let them fool you by saying that a man's height is not important. Short guys are always the very last choice or remain unchosen.
mid to late adolescence between about 14 and 18 r generally a girl’s most attractive years.
ReplyDeletePlease let me know isn't any health problem if young man will have sex with old women may be 20 years of age different?
ReplyDeleteI am 34 and have never dated younger men but after my L TR with my ex 45yold I am now free to live life. I am still hot and quite a few younger guys pursue me. Lately fallen for a sucessful 27 handsome man we been dating 3 months . i dont want marriage or kids but i fear later he might want those things. He thinks i am beautiful , sex is great . passionate and good chemistry.we both work in same jobs , same hometown , enjoy same interests. is this relationship doomed ?
ReplyDeleteIn my view it is not the age issue that may be a problem in your relationship, it is the fact that you don´t want marriage and kids. If he wants that in the future, he will move on when the initial lust fades away...
ReplyDeleteInteresting -- and sadly off-mark on so many points. I don't even know where to begin. Let me just say that, as a now-37-year-old woman, I get TONS of interest from guys as young as 19. I'm not interested in them because (come on now) they're children: I don't have time to teach these boys how to have sex; yet I get far more interest from them now than when I was 19 myself.
ReplyDeleteIf we assumed that your points were valid, then shouldn't the converse be true? I don't think most men get better looking once they're past their mid-30s. In fact, many of them lose most, if not all, of their hair at that point, and it seems pretty clear to me that most men age far worse than most women. If I look around at men my own age, for example, they almost all far older than I do, and yet are looking for women at least 10 years younger than they are. Do you see the utter hypocrisy here? If we're just going by looks (and this seems to be your primary concern) then I should be dating men who look at least as good as I do, in other words, men in their mid-to-late 20s. And men my own age (late 30s) should be dating women whose looks are on par with theirs...so say, mid to late 40s. Get real, we all know this isn't really about looks, it's about maturity. Men mature far more slowly and that's why they look for women younger than themselves. And vice versa.
(sorry, word missing: "they almost all LOOK far older than I do,"
Delete"If we assumed that your points were valid, then shouldn't the converse be true?"
DeleteNo, I don't think so. Read this: The Analogy Between Confidence and Beauty
I think a lot of women are missing the point here. If a woman looks better at 35 than at 20 it is because she takes better care of herself, knows which workout to do, diet to follow, what makeup and hairstyle suits her etc. It's the case for a lot of women, but STILL - they are more attractive now than before because there were things they did WRONG when they were younger.
ReplyDeleteA 25 year old who does all the right things will still be more physically attractive than a 35 year old who does all the right things.
Well stated.
DeleteMaybe this is the case for the majority of women, I don't know. But my mother didn't come into her best years until past 35. And Elizabeth Taylor, was 35 in Cleopatra, I believe, and she looked stunning. I have a baby face as well, and an ex just recently told me I've gotten prettier than when he first met me several years ago, and I was gorgeous back then, too. But I think I'm just starting to grow into my face even more. So I really don't think this is exactly accurate.
Deleteeveryone seems to obsess about women getting older and "less hot", but in reality men don't exactly all age gracefully either. Most of them become fat, bald and even partially impotent after 35/40
ReplyDeleteAs a woman in the LGBT community, I've had the chance to date a variety of women (as well as men). I was most active in my dating between the ages of 16 and 23, and with very few exceptions, dated male and female partners who were around a decade my senior. One partner was 15 years older than I was. The relationships never worked out, typically because the older partners had serious issues with emotional immaturity. People their age did not want to date them, and did not put up with their stunted approaches to problem-solving. Most of them were hypocrites. They held me to strict standards of behavior, dress, and emotional control (i.e. if they acted in a physically or emotionally abusive fashion, I was expected to shut the eff up about it, and in some cases, even apologize for making the abusive partner feel bad about him/herself) that they did not have to adhere to.
ReplyDeleteI am in touch with some of those exes and not in touch with others. One female ex has a string of arrests to her name and is still single. Another fled the state after cheating on me, then a man she was briefly married to, then another man, then another woman. Another man is now dating women young enough to be his daughters, and I'm sure he's screwing with their self-esteem and telling them that, at age 20, 21, 22, they'll be ugly old bags soon, "unless they do exactly what he says." Another man, who delighted in frequenting bars I was far too young to get into on our "dates" while I sat outside, has been convicted of rape. I understand this is politically incorrect to say, and I expect to receive many howls of protest, but I believe that men AND women who date way younger – ESPECIALLY those who seek partners in their late teens and very early 20s – do so because they are emotionally stunted and incapable of carrying on a relationship with their peers.
My husband is 9 months older than me, but we were in the same university class because I skipped a year in school as a teenager. It is not enough of an age gap to matter. We started dating when I was almost 24 and he was almost 25, and have been happily together for going on a decade. We spent an 18-month period experimenting with an open relationship, during which I dated a younger woman – it was the only time in my life I had a significant relationship with someone much younger. The age gap sunk the relationship almost immediately, because I found myself losing patience with her party lifestyle and sorority like living space, and she, equally, felt abandoned when I interrupted make-out sessions because I had to get up early for work the next morning. This experience reinforced my belief that individuals who date younger are too emotionally immature to date their peers.
I totally agree with the last statement.I recall being in my early 20's when many older men would want to date me and I always felt that there was something wrong with them. They were definitely emotionally immature or stunted.
ReplyDeleteI also think that while men tend to be attracted to younger women, they end up marrying women about the same age, give or take a few years - and the reason is because of compatibility etc. At least in the first marriage. Men do tend to marry women much younger on second marriages.
according to this http://www.google.no/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=attractiveness%20as%20a%20function%20of%20age&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDAQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fstagetwo.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F04%2F04%2Fsexual-attractiveness-as-a-function-of-age%2F&ei=SO7EULufIKja4QSgnoC4Ag&usg=AFQjCNGpVgpOsbpDO3Shrn4dlFMUGNVlTg 4
ReplyDeletea woman's attractiveness does take a swan dive after 30
Well, older men are no prize either!
ReplyDeleteIve always been atracted to the older woman that are into hairstyling and cutting, they know how to take car of themselves and most of them are down to earth and personable,
ReplyDeleteI come back here to kansas
and all I see is ones taken by guys with no gumption, or the farmer or slob crowd,
all taken or high school ones,
everyone works and then dont think about getting together,or seeing what another person need's,
Swan dive is not the case for all according to these articles:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249298/Looking-young-age-Thank-Peter-Pan-gene.html
http://34goingon24.blogspot.ie/2012/04/how-do-you-know-you-have-peter-pan-gene.html
I know a number of women like this (of different races), including me. Since I was early teen I have been taken as at least 5 years younger than what my biological age is. I am near 30 now but without makeup get confused for a teen frequently..I can make myself look older with makeup (21-25). I remember waiting for a flight at the age of 26 and began a conversation with a man who asked me where my parents were..he thought I was at least 16..and that is just one example. I like the way in the second article the lady goes through the negative aspects of this because I often found it hard to get boys interested in me as a teen and find it hard even now to be taken seriously professionally. It makes me curious as to how this will develop in the future..biological clocks are obviously getting longer.
I am in the same shoes. But as a girlfriend of mine said, I may look very young but my eggs are still going to get old, I believe.
ReplyDeleteI'm Asian, and my mother seemed to have come into her true prime at the age of 45. She remarried a very successful man who was the same age at that time, too. She was always extraordinarily beautiful, but she just looked her most gorgeous at that age. I look younger than the girl featured in that blog at 22, and 30. We exist, but it's rare I guess.
ReplyDelete