I was sorely disappointed by her looks in the video, but more importantly, the story line also bothered me. It didn't take me long to realize why...
After apparently being cheated on, Katy Perry dumps her boyfriend (which is smart), and then decides to overcome the emotional pain by cutting her hair, joining the military and being "tough" and independent. I am hoping the not-so-subtle message of the video is less catchy than the song (which is still stuck in my goddamn head...), because it essentially says "if you are hurt by a man, an appropriate and liberating response is to de-feminize yourself."
Nothing could be further from the truth. No reaction to rejection will damage your chances with other men more (especially if you cut off your hair like she does in the video). A woman who responds to rejection by becoming more masculine is like an athlete who responds to a difficult loss in sports by intentionally injuring himself or skipping trainings and practices - it is absurd. The athlete damages the body or lose the skills that made him a competitive athlete in the first place, just as like Katy Perry throws away the disposition and looks that attract men the most. She gains her personal independence at the expense of attracting men. That is to say, by throwing away her femininity and closing herself to male companionship, she sacrifices the potential for long-term happiness in a good relationship (however difficult it might be to find) for the momentary happiness of personal "liberation."
When a message like this is surrounded by a catchy song and a flashy music video with a famous celebrity, it is inevitably romanticized, and the message can be difficult to divorce from its medium. Be careful about getting sucked in.
I really like your blog in general, and appreciate your insights. But here I think you are really off the mark.
ReplyDeleteIn the video, because her heart has been broken, she has decided to give up on relationships. She is intentionally injuring her sexual value ON PURPOSE, because she doesn't want sex, love or romance any more. Becoming unattractive to men (and therefore cutting out the possibility of male companionship) is exactly what she's after.
Kind of a depressing/cynical response, but very common after a breakup (don't a lot of people do the same, going on a ice cream binge or something similar?). There's nothing there about female liberation whatsoever.
I have to disagree. The video shows her making herself happy by taking charge of her life and joining the marines, not by shunning men. If it showed her hanging out only with her girl friends and ignoring guys, I would agree with you; but she takes distinct measures to become manly (joining the military, taping down her breasts and cutting her hair), strong (she is shown fighting, being tough, shouting, etc.) and happily independent (arms outstretched, singing - liberated).
DeleteI think your response to this video is correct if you take this video very, very literally. Having my fair share of film classes, I feel it is much more likely that the military was used as a metaphor. Katy embarked on a journey (as her divorce began), and through that journey she tapped into her inner strength. Although her partner was abusive and/or hurtful ("throw your sticks and your stones", "you chewed me up and spit me out", etc.), she is coming out strong, showing that the abuse she endured is not enough to break her spirit.
ReplyDeleteBut I totally agree. If she was suggesting that women cut their hair, bind their breasts, and become macho military members post-breakup, that sounds like a horrible idea.
I think, instead, she showed how she went from a life in which her happiness was dependent upon a man (or any one person, for that matter) to one where she fulfills herself through her personal strength. What a great idea! Learning to be a self-sufficient person is like #1 on my list of ways that a woman can make herself a more desirable partner, on the inside. Becoming hotter (as you have extensively written about) probably does work a little more dramatically :P. But if she is a hot mess mentally, she probably won't keep a guy around for long.
While I could be convinced of your first point, I cannot disagree more with your second, and this post was meant to attack that mentality specifically, so I feel obligated to reply...
DeleteLearning to be self-sufficient is ostensibly a good thing, but it should only be a stepping stone on the path to dependence on a partner you really love and trust. The modern, feminist mentality tells women to become independent and stop there. Nothing is more damaging to a realtionship for a woman than when she closes herself to a man. A man's typical role (in proportion to how masculine he is) is to open and enter a woman - both emotionally and sexually (and the analogy there is not a coincidence). If a woman becomes self sufficient and closes herself to masculine love - that is, a man's ability to open her and enter her life (again, emotionally and sexually) - she is done. She cannot receive love.
Granted, there is a superficial dependence that women (and men) need to overcome as they mature. But to champion complete independence, without pointing out that it is only instrumental in allowing a woman to give herself fully to a man one day, is like telling a soldier that the be-all and end-all of his existence is to kill the enemy, without letting him understand that the ultimate goal is peace.
Katy Perry's video suggests that a woman should overcome her dependence on a man in order to be fulfilled and happy, when the truth is that she needs to become independent only so that she can then give herself willingly to a man in a committed relationship.
Ending a relationship (for any reason, especially for cheating)is a masculine move itself. The singular emphasis on development of femininity is misplaced - some development of the masculine is necessary to support the feminine. In fact I argue that the younger the woman in the given situation (in terms of psychological maturiy), the more beneficial her masculine response is.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Can you elaborate?
DeleteHaving read your comment above (about self-sufficiency being a stepping stone to fuller femininity), I think I am saying something similar.
DeleteThe two women that I've known intimately who have been cheated on were already in non-stellar relationships - and it was lack of their masculine that kept them their. It's not that they weren't feminine enough - they weren't maturely feminine. Developing the masculine side is the way to keep non-beneficial outside masculine energy on the outside so that inner feminine can mature up.
I can definitely see how that could be true for some girls.
DeleteThat role was previously carried out by the womans male relatives.
DeleteI think all women can identify with this (although less extreme). After a bad experience with a man, I go through a cynical phase and convince myself that I must become as independent as possible. I get over it soon enough though. I'm actually surprised by how quickly I go back to my usual feminine self. I think the desire to find a man to love is incredibly strong and I don't think I'll ever actually lose it. It's the same for most women I know (although they are all around my age, 20-24).
ReplyDeleteI have tried to come up with a few reasons why I, like others, get cynical and 'masculine' after a break-up. Number one is the idea that you must change your habits. You were always sweet and feminine, and if that gave you a bad result, shouldn't you become different? Maybe he even treated you badly because you were a doormat or too sweet - time to get serious. Second is the need to punish men for how other men behave. It's possible your next man has always been a gentleman - but let's face it, probably not. Finally, a lot of girls get this way to make it easy for you to prove your affection. You've probably had a fight with a woman who knowingly exaggerated and made you seem like an asshole. You called it off or you met someone else, and she twists the truth to make it sound like you saw her as a piece of meat and never had feelings for her whatsoever. You're afraid she got it all wrong, and feel like you're forced to tell her that you cared about her. So in the same way, a woman can hope that you see her cynicism as bad luck with men and that you feel challenged to prove that you are completely different than the men she's been with before (make extra romantic gestures etc). After all, women have learned from romance movies that men are up for any challenge and just need a bit of motivation to confess their feelings.
I'm not justifying any of this, it's just nonsense that goes through a woman's mind after a break-up. But it might serve as an explanation, although I'm sure you were aware of some of this already :)
Yes Andrew. Femininity is indeed very fragile, in a way that masculinity can never be. This is why feminism was able to take hold so strongly...
ReplyDeleteThat hadn't occurred to be before but I like it...
DeleteGawd help us! We don't need disgruntled women in the military.
ReplyDeleteVery intelligent points.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many behaviors that we (women) do that are so completely wrong. For example making ourselves completely avsilableb to a man in hopes that he will appreciate and stay around only to find out that it does not work. And then behaving the complete opposite only to find out that that doesnt work either.
Where is the median?
I've been reading this blog, which is wonderful and helpful, and trying to mesh ideas from The Rules.
I'll get it someday.
Great post. Besides making herself look pretty and being 'open' emotionally, what else can a woman do to be feminine? I've heard that femininity is the most attractive quality to men and you don't even necessarily have to be pretty to achieve that. Suggestions & advice?
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't you reply Andrew :)?
DeleteDo you not think Katy Perry looks good in the beginning of the video before she is cheated on?
DeleteNo seriously, why are you not replying to any questions?
DeleteI've been extremely busy recently. I haven't even read some of the more recent, longer comments.
DeleteYou shouldn't be forcing yourself to be more feminine, but merely allowing your femininity to shine through - not suppressing it. You do this by not forcing yourself into masculine roles like society tells you to: achiever, commander, protector, etc. Leave this for men and embrace what you want to be naturally (assuming you actually DO): receiver, lover, nurturer, beautiful, energetic, etc.
DeleteI'll write about this soon.
And yeah, she looks good at the beginning of the video.
DeleteThank you for taking the time to reply. I really look forward to reading your post :) Is it possible you could include a bit about girls that are high achievers such as get good grades, have really high paying jobs.. etc and how they can manage this with being feminine and attracting a man? I feel as a woman in her late teens that this is one of the main dilemnas of western women in the 21st century.
DeleteWhy would you want to be a high-achiever? It isn't going to get you anywhere with men, and I would argue that a constant focus on your achievements actually eats away at your femininity.
DeleteA woman trying to balance a career with "being feminine," would be like a man trying to balance being a hairdresser with being masculine - yeah, maybe a few guys can pull it off, but they are exceptions to the rule and could probably get more fulfillment from trying something more in-line with their natural sexuality. If a guy is naturally less masculine, then it will work for him well, but he also probably wouldn't be writing into blogs online asking how to make himself more masculine while being a hairdresser. He will improve his masculinity be constantly challenging himself, putting himself in physically or intellectually strenuous situations, and trying to achieve his goals - not by expressing his intuition for beauty by styling hair.
Likewise, if you are feminine enough to really want to let that part of you show, I suggest doing so by letting go of your supposed desire to achieve, and instead allowing your female energy to shine through. Be a hairdresser, a nurse, a singer, dancer - or best of all, a mother.
I'd guess that either (a) you are not so feminine that you actually want to be more feminine despite your achievements, or else (b) you are feminine enough that - if you are honest with yourself - you'd admit that you don't give a shit about these "achievements" and would much rather be one of the things I've listed - or something like them.
If you are a balance of masculine and feminine energy - which happens, very rarely - I think you will be content to not be extremely masculine or feminine, and wouldn't be too concerned with increasing your degree of one or the other.
Dear Andrew,
DeleteAs a regular reader to your blog and as the girl that wrote the comment in the first place, I feel I have to reply. I really respect your opinion and it is the 1st place I consult on these matters, but I have to disagree with you here.
"Why would you want to be a high achiever -it isn't going to get you anywhere with men...and will only eat away at your femininity"
As someone that's still in school, you are completely sending the wrong message to 1/2 of the population. Are you telling me to purposely flunk my exams even though I'm really smart so that men can be attracted to me?
Are you telling me that I should not try and be successful by working hard, so that men can feel like they're protecting me?
Whatever achievements that I do, I do it for myself. So that I can have done something with my life. I also try and be a caring person and help others.
I believe the fact that I'm passionate about what I do and have interests and hobbies should not mean I'm less attractive. Are you telling me that men like lazy women?
I think what you're trying to say is the women who men like most are the ones that are most feminine. And in another blogpost you argue that women should only let their natural level of feminity shine through.
But I would argue that females have another internal conflict -they have to juggle what they will do for themselves against what we will do for men.
Men don't revolve their entire lives around trying to make themselves as desirable possible to the opposite gender, and at the same time, neither should women. Women (and men) should try to make themselves as accomplished and desirable as possible, because in the bigger picture this adds to a better society.
If you look at the countries where women don't work and are completely in the protection of men (the whole day they are cooking and looking after their children and making themselves pretty for their husbands), a supreme majority of women are completely unhappy. I know this because I come from these countries. They all want to be able to do something for themselves and not have their whole lives revolve around another person.
And that's why feminism was so successful- women wanted it. Women wanted to be able to vote and to work.
So instead, when I'm lucky enough to be in a country where I don't have to be economically dependent on men, you are telling me to become a nurse, when I'm smart enough to be a doctor.
What you're saying is flawed, because every human has a work ethic, and while that should to some extent be channeled into making oneself desirable to the opposite gender, should not be ones whole life. I think if you interviewed women who are in your opinion, supremely feminine, such as nurses and what not, alot of them are just stupid and lazy, and if they could, they would become a doctor, they're not doing it to 'let their feminine nature shine through'
Please have a think about what I said. If you had a daughter, and she was intellient, would you basically just want her to put all her time and efforts into making herself as much as a barbie doll as possible?
"Men don't revolve their entire lives around trying to make themselves as desirable possible to the opposite gender"
DeleteActually, most of us do. Ask a guy why he wants a good job, money, power, etc. and you'll find that it normally stems from his understanding that these things attract women.
I don't think that women should all try to be ultra-feminine. But I do think that many women use achievement to mask the femininity that would be much more natural for them to express. And I do think that many women only want to be career women because our culture claims that it is "better" than being a stay-at-home mom.
I've never said that men like lazy women. And I've never said that men dislike women who work (and are successful at) their jobs. I've merely made the point that men don't like women BECAUSE of these things, and that a woman would be wasting her efforts if she did this in order to garner male attention. If she wants to do them for her own sense of accomplishment, more power to her, but she should know that her energy would be better spent elsewhere if she wants to attract men.
When I have daughters, I will encourage them to follow their natural instincts and talents. Intelligence can be applied equally to all kinds of skills, and not just the ones that you get diplomas for. If my girls aren't very feminine, I won't force them to be barbie dolls; and if they aren't very masculine, I won't make them get a college degree or a high-paying job. I will never let them be lazy, but I will also make sure that they don't waste their diligence on something they aren't inclined naturally to do, just because popular opinion says that an advanced degree is all you need to be "successful" or that a high-ranking position in a powerful firm is the height of feminine achievement. I will make sure that they understand that they don't need to prove to the world that women can do those things; others before them already have, and further efforts to make that point (for the sake of making that point) are a waste of time. Most importantly, I will make sure that my girls understand that being a mother of happy, healthy children is just as much of challenge as getting a big annual bonus or graduating with honors.
I have never said that women shouldn't be accomplished. I HAVE said that women shouldn't feel like they need to be accomplished in the same way as men, and I HAVE said that women shouldn't expect men to want them to. But I've never advocated laziness.
I am not telling you to be a nurse when you are smart enough to be a doctor. You can do whatever you want. But the fact is that if you spend the extra effort to become a doctor instead of a nurse, you will not have as much time or energy to improve your appearance or to stay in shape, and you will constantly be forcing your mind into masculine routines of thought. Men will want you less because of this.
Don't get me wrong. I've met doctors who are feminine and beautiful and attractive. But they've also been in their early thirties and single. And I have also met girls who are doctors at that age and could definitely have spent more time working out, on their appearance, and preparing to be a mother (studying child psychology, learning to cook, learning about medicine and medical treatment, etc.).
But isn't doctor a feminine job because your looking and taking care of people?
Delete"I am not telling you to be a nurse when you are smart enough to be a doctor"
DeleteIn what way is a doctor smarter than a nurse? I'm offended as a woman and as a nurse. Education does not equal intelligence
Andrew I get your point, I really do. At one point in my mid twenties I knew I had to face this choice, men/relationships or money/social status. I chose money because I was raised by a single mother, and I have seen the financial sorrows of being a child without a father. I have also seen women clinging desperately to men who don't love them and/or treat them very bad because they have no means of supporting themselves. Yes, in a ideal world, women should be feminine and taken care of, but what about the quality of the men they dedicate themselves to? I know countless women who struggle with raising kids alone because the father is not around and they sure would have been happy to have a career and money. I think nowadays being single is becoming more of a choice than a social punishment. I thank you very much for lifting the veil off my eyes
DeleteTaking care of yourself can cost a lot of money. Clothes, nail polish, accessories, hair products, getting waxed (+$120/visit), etc., all of these things can be really expensive. If you need to get your hair permanently straightened in order for it to look really good, like in my case, you're gonna have to go to the hair salon and pay around $500 every two or three months. (And it can be really worth it - I can go from a 6 to an 8+ when I straighten my hair.)
DeleteUnless you're already rich, or your family pays for everything, you're gonna have to work in order to afford looking your best and attract the guys you know you have the potential of dating.
I study a lot and expect to get a great job after graduating, not because I want to be "independent", but mainly because I want to *eventually* have the money that will allow me to look my best and attract ‘better’ guys.
I think you usually don’t talk about money in your blog. But I've been poor before and it sucks. Self-improvement when you are poor is almost impossible.
I've worked hard all of my life, earned a scholarship to study in the US, and currently I'm a student and have a part-time job that pays really well, something that wouldn't have been possible in the country I'm originally from. Most of the money I spend I spend it on clothes and other things to improve my appearance. And if I compare myself now to how I looked 2 or more years ago, I have to say that I HAVE improved my appearance dramatically, and I have been able to attract better-looking guys because of this (actually, guys didn't use to look at me at all.)
So can you really say I am wrong in repressing part of my femininity, if only momentarily, just to become more feminine and attract better-looking guys in the future?
"Men don't revolve their entire lives around trying to make themselves as desirable possible to the opposite gender"
DeleteActually, most of us do. Ask a guy why he wants a good job, money, power, etc. and you'll find that it normally stems from his understanding that these things attract women.
---------------------------------
Ain't that the truth.
I used to read your blog with a sense of awe and respect, until I tought more about it and realized you were an idiot. You are a dweeb who tries to quantify love and reduces women to sexual objects. Also, what is the logic of getting advice from a you? You seem to think you are hot shit, judging by the post where you brag about realizing how many of your girl friends are attracted to you, yet I don't buy it. Any guy who spends his time analyzing dating situations, quantifying female attractiveness, and telling us what colors to wear is a nerd at best. I won't even beging to question your sexuality- that is another point. Overall, the blog has left a sour taste in my mouth; I am starting to suspect that you need dating advice more than any of your devoted readers.
ReplyDeleteSorry you feel that way. I am not hot shit. I am a guy who struggles to improve himself, appreciates the help he's received from other guys (blogs, books, etc.), and realizes that women don't have the same resources - so I created one.
DeleteYou don't have to read this blog, but I'd be sorry if you stopped just because you thought I was arrogant and not because you thought the content was false.
Quote:I used to read your blog with a sense of awe and respect, until I thought more about it and realized you were an idiot. You are a dweeb who tries to quantify love and reduces women to sexual objects:Unquote.
DeleteSounds like someones projecting.
Is dweeb synonymous...with anonymous? lol.
Women do stupid things when their heart is broken. In my teens, after my breakup with my first love, I joined the Army. I get it. It was a way of making me feel stronger than I thought I was. Regardless of how a woman handles situations like this, I think we have a need, deep down, to know that we can "make it".
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that a woman will become more cynical towards men after she's been hurt, no matter what. Red flags will always be red flags, but green flags aren't worth so much anymore. The things a guy do which you interpret as good things - making time for you, initiating contact, introducing you to friends etc. - can be all for show. And if you've experienced that before, once or more, you're going to get cynical. You might be willing to give it a shot, but the "sweet" things you do will matter less. I've heard guys complain about this, and friends have said that men "start at minus with me", but I don't see how I can do anything about that.
ReplyDeleteI know the army stuff is an extreme symbol, but I think few women run the risk of cutting their hair or dressing less feminine. The problem is the attitude. I don't know any way one can remain optimistic and sweet. The only reason women who've been hurt keep dating men is that there is no other options (except celibacy or going lesbian). But whenever you meet someone new, you'll always have to suffer some cynicism due to what they've been through before. Nevertheless, I see this in men too all the time, but naturally to a lesser extent, because even if she isn't "the one", it's not a problem.
Your response to this music video is absurd.
ReplyDeleteAbsurd, you mean yourself?
DeleteNice post! I see your point and agree.
ReplyDeleteInteresting analysis, I agree that women tend to make themselves more independent and 'masculine' after a breakup, but I'd argue that 'its not a bug, its a feature' at least as regards a serious relationship. The last thing that a woman recouping from a serious relationship needs is an immediate relationship. What she needs is detachment and reflection which can only be gained by taking time out of the dating scene. The masculine harshness that women tend to adopt after a break up enables them to stay single long enough to heal and mature, thus making them ready for a serious relationship in the future.
ReplyDeleteAs to the after breakup haircut, is a sign of grief as old as the hills and it does grow back (given time). It is far less hazardous than other forms of self-mutilation like drunkenness, tobacco or addiction, cutting, social isolation, or ice cream (comfort food).
Any woman with half a brain does not take cues from Katy Perry music on how to live her life. Maybe 14 year olds do, I hope you aren't interested in 14 year olds though.
ReplyDeleteOf course he is! All men are!
DeleteDidn't you read that in your feminist handbook?
*eye-rolls*
I have to agree with many of the comments above. I think you missed an important point - a point that feels intuitively obvious to most women, but to you seems plain idiotic, mainly because you see just the outside of it.
ReplyDeleteYou're right that men find feminine, vulnerable, dependent women attractive. You're also right that most of their lives women want to be attractive to men, and thus the things Perry does in the music video don't seem to serve anyone. What I think you missed is what it takes to be really vulnerable.
Women do have to first feel self-reliant and confident to be able to then give the control away. A woman who tries to skip this step quickly becomes needy and insecure in a relationship, or goes about seeking validation from just about any male. I believe you've met countless women like this, and you know they're a mess. Truly depending on someone and following their lead without becoming like this requires a great deal of security in oneself.
What I see as the story of the video, is that Perry has been in this state of dependency and opened her femininity for her boyfriend, and then (obviously) been hurt. You have to understand that this "phase" the character goes through isn't likely to be permanent, but it's very necessary. She is heart-broken - the very thought of relying on any male again, trusting their lead, having to support their masculinity by restraining from activeness, and just plain opening up as a woman seems unbearable to her. Not that she wouldn't want to receive that safe, protected and cared-for feeling from someone, she just isn't capable of receiving it at the moment.
The rejecting of her feminity is just a symptom of this, not the purpose. Her feminity is what put her in that vulnerable state, and during her mourning, it would also draw what seems only like further misery and disgrace to her - male attention. She doesn't want to be validated by men right now, she wants to feel for herself that she has more value in her than only the things men seem to appreciate. If she just follows the opposite sex's whims, she is defined by them. Only if she regains her feeling of dignity and worth without relying on male approval, can she feel secure enough to access and embrace her feminine side in the future, without being scared of getting hurt again. The hair will grow back, you know. :)
I guess why many women object you in this case, is that we feel we have the right to ditch our feminity at will. Our sex is not an obligation, nor is being attractive to men. It is however something we wish in many cases, in general we love the polarity of masculine and feminine, and appreciate greatly men for being men. For example your blog is generally a truly great and insightful source of information on how to approach the goal of attracting men. But there can be times in a woman's life when that is not her goal. During those times she can be and act really emotional and irrational, but it's her right to NOT WANT the things women usually want. I bet Perry's character would have zero motivation to read your blog to seek advice, and even less to hear you whine about her not arousing you.
Thank you for the helpful views your blog has to offer, but please try and remember women are also complete persons. I know that's like biggest cliché, but frankly, that is where your readers' irritation comes from.
- Mema
So to clarify, I strongly believe the song is personal, not political.
Delete- Mema
I think that you have this backwards. She is sacrificing the temporary love of another for the overall more fulfilling and rewarding love of herself. She needs to remember why she loves herself after being cheated on, since that really can strip away all dignity and self-respect a woman has. I don't care if anyone loves you. If you don't love yourself, you are never going to be happy. And even if it takes something as drastic as cutting off your hair and fighting for your country to love yourself again after your heart's been broken, you should do it. Because in the end, if you love yourself, you are going to be happy, and if you don't, you aren't. It's really that simple.
ReplyDeletetldr
I don't think you get women as much as you think you do, to make the long version into one sentence.
I agree with November 23rd. It hurts to open yourself up, literally, to a man that you care for and have him kill that trust. You are literally letting this person inside of you, in more ways than one, and if you feel that you have been used by that man after being open and vulnerable and feminine, what human being would want to then continue being that way, especially if that has been their experience on more than one occasion? Obviously the man took advantage of the "feminine" woman because she was willing to be so open. He may claim that he prefers a feminine nature in a woman, and I am sure most men do, but he then takes advantage of her for that nature. It's kind of scary to think that this man could be doing and saying all the right things just to hook you, sleep with you, and then start treating you less than ideal after he has achieved that goal.
ReplyDeleteSo then, the woman feels that even though men claim to like feminine vulnerability, they will always take advantage of it, and will only respect and understand a more obvious strength. It's a defense mechanism which I suspect a lot of women (the ones who maintain it anyway) hope will filter out the men who intend to use and take advantage of a more "passive" woman, leaving them with even more fractured trust in men as a whole.
I believe that men are the same way in a break up to. Men and women are created equal. I stayed home to raise my son until he was in college,and had a supporting husband,I am now working help with school cost.
ReplyDeleteI do not regret my choice for staying home, but that was mine and my husbands decision.
True, men and women are created equal. That doesn't make us the same. Especially in how we approach life and view members of the other gender. That is pretty evident in the amount of men who try to "collect" different women and brag about it to someone in relation to the women who have sex for these reasons, masculine vs feminine energy and mannerisms, etc. And sex apparently is different for us even if only for the vulnerability involved with being entered as opposed to entering. One transgendered woman (who identified as bisexual) I knew briefly talked about how much more incredibly vulnerable sex felt as a woman than it had ever felt as a man. It was interesting to hear from someone who had been both the enterer and the entered.
ReplyDeleteBut of course, if the man was in love with the woman, he will be hurt when it ends as well, but he won't handle it by becoming more feminine because femininity is considered more vulnerable by men and women, and no one wants to be even more vulnerable after someone just hurt and betrayed them. They want to be stronger and, therefore, harder to hurt again (at least temporarily.)
Woman giving up her sexual power: clipping her hair, losing her tits, joining the military.
ReplyDeleteMan giving up on his sexual power: quiting his job, moving to his moms basement, devoting himself to a MMORPG.
Hot, ain't it?
You know Andrew, maybe she just pushed her femininity aside for a while. After being hurt, I remember how much I didn't give a fuck about being attractive to other men. I just wanted a break from all the seductive games and bullshit. I built my confidence back and then naturally I became the ultra feminine girl I always were. In fact, looking more attractive than ever before.
ReplyDeleteI'm just a woman who is in love with creepy pretty things, practical jokes, and wants people to have fun.
ReplyDeleteI do films, improv, and write as well.
Is that seen as masculine? Probably, but it's what I love to do. Even if there's a breakup involved, I'll always love doing these things. And cutting my hair short, growing it long, or coloring it pink.
I have read what Andrew said about career women, etc...In ideal world and with ideal husband lots of women (I think) would prefer to stay at home and raise their children. However, not all men earn enough money, not all men treat their wives nicely and that is why women fought for their independence.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why successful women are single might be that they become picky. They do not need a man in terms of money, so they will not put up with a shitty man.
You can combine career with femininity. You can dress nicely, you can take dance classes to develop a good posture and femininity. You do not have to be bitchy career woman. Indeed, you can become a doctor and take care of people. I met some doctors (male and female) who were cold and lacked empathy, but I also met other doctors (male and female) who were kind and charming. It depends on personality, not profession.
Also, I live in UK. I have a young child and I see stay-at-home mums every day near school gates. Some of them are wearing track suits when they drop off their kids near school. Having children and staying at home is a full-time job and it requires lots of self-discipline. When you are not working, you might stop caring how you look. 'Why wash my hair, polish my shoes, do ironing if I don't really have to go anywhere tomorrow and day after? I can do all my shopping online, I can sit and read this blog all night (because I know I can sleep till noon tomorrow etc.).'
When you have a good job, people respect you. You are more interesting as a person, you have more energy and you meet people whilst working, you are socializing. And if you are single and looking for a man, you can go to the places where other middle-class professionals go (expensive sport club, golf course, cruise trips, whatever). It costs money.In my opinion, having a good career will enhance your chances of meeting a nice man as you will be mixing in the right circles. Even if you fail to find a husband, you will still have money and you will be independent. Once again, in my view, if you can travel the world, then sooner or later you will meet someone.
My husband broke up with me about two weeks ago, he didn't give me a reason why, he just told me that he wanted to be honest and that he didn't love me any more, I loved him so much but he does is to travel with different girls to unknown destination, I was all over the internet trying to find who could help me out with my situation but no results at all or little signs, I was about to give up, then luckily i found dr.mac@yahoo.com in the internet, when i contacted Dr.Mack , he said he will help me and just as he said, I received a call from my husband begging to reunite with me again, i accepted him and things really changed he stopped his bad habit, We came back together and I was astounded because so many say they are the best but can't back it.
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