In the spirit of paying attention to what a guy does and not what he says, you can put yourself into one of the following categories by considering how men behave towards you, and then you can adjust your efforts accordingly. These are in no particular order, and the list is not necessarily comprehensive.
1. Men hit on you all the time, and you get dates, but you struggle to get (or keep) a boyfriend.
You are hot but your personality needs work. Men are attracted by your initial shine, but they soon discover your lack of substance. They don't like spending time with you because you are either boring, too high-maintenance, stupid, too insecure or annoying - or some combination of these. Be honest with yourself in determining which of these are the biggest problems, then re-focus your efforts and do whatever it takes to fix them.
2. You never get hit on by men you are attracted to, or else they hit on you but then make an excuse to leave and don't ask for your number. They ones that want you are always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward. The hot guys that you want to hit on you never do. Or, you never get hit on at all.
This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.
3. Your friends always get hit on and you don't, or you always get hit on by the less-attractive friend or the obvious "wing man." It happens so much that you just expect it now.
Same as #2, with the added suggestion that - if none of that works (and again, it takes time) - you should start going out with new people who are closer to your level of attractiveness, at least occasionally.
4. Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates. Or they ask you on dates, try to sleep with you a couple times, then never call again.
You are projecting a slutty image by your behavior. Men immediately recognize that you are not girlfriend material so they just try to hook up with you. Tone down the drinking, leave bars earlier, and acknowledge that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a guy who will respect you.
5. Men treat you like a friend, not like a girl they are interested in sexually or romantically.
Most of the time this is because you aren't very attractive but you have a great personality, and you aren't bad looking either (if you were, men wouldn't even be friends with you). You also probably allow men to treat you like one of the guys. This isn't actually that bad of a situation to be in, because with just a little effort, you can improve your looks to a point that men will look at you in a romantic and sexual light. And if you start acting more feminine you can break out of the "friends" mold.
6. Men hit on you and then text you, but never call.
This is the unfortunate way of the future. Get used to it. But, give a lot of credit to the few guys who do pick up the phone and call: they are either more interested in you than the others, or just more confident. Either way, they are a step ahead of the rest.
7. You know you are attractive and men always check you out, but you only get approached by cocky players.
This is a difficult situation. It means you are extremely hot, and you intimidate most men. However, your personality is more to blame than your appearance. There are plenty of hot girls that get hit on far more frequently than you. Adjust your look first, because this will be the easiest part: dress a little more cute and a little less sexy. More importantly: loosen up. The women that are most intimidating to men are the ones that are insecure themselves, and mask their insecurity by closing themselves to social interaction under a facade of "hard to get." I've met a few girls like this - drop-dead gorgeous but perpetually single. They are all the same in a nightclub or bar environment: they stand alone or with their friends, and don't have fun, or are too concerned with looking "cool" or like a celebrity to relax and enjoy themselves.
Let me know if I missed any categories, but I think that covers most scenarios.
1. Men hit on you all the time, and you get dates, but you struggle to get (or keep) a boyfriend.
You are hot but your personality needs work. Men are attracted by your initial shine, but they soon discover your lack of substance. They don't like spending time with you because you are either boring, too high-maintenance, stupid, too insecure or annoying - or some combination of these. Be honest with yourself in determining which of these are the biggest problems, then re-focus your efforts and do whatever it takes to fix them.
2. You never get hit on by men you are attracted to, or else they hit on you but then make an excuse to leave and don't ask for your number. They ones that want you are always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward. The hot guys that you want to hit on you never do. Or, you never get hit on at all.
This happens either because you aren't making yourself attractive enough or because you have unrealistic expectations about what kind of men you can attract. Assume the former first: lose weight, spend more time on your hair, or work on your appearance in some other way. Then, if things still aren't working out (and be patient because this takes time), lower your standards.
3. Your friends always get hit on and you don't, or you always get hit on by the less-attractive friend or the obvious "wing man." It happens so much that you just expect it now.
Same as #2, with the added suggestion that - if none of that works (and again, it takes time) - you should start going out with new people who are closer to your level of attractiveness, at least occasionally.
4. Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates. Or they ask you on dates, try to sleep with you a couple times, then never call again.
You are projecting a slutty image by your behavior. Men immediately recognize that you are not girlfriend material so they just try to hook up with you. Tone down the drinking, leave bars earlier, and acknowledge that your lifestyle is not conducive to finding a guy who will respect you.
5. Men treat you like a friend, not like a girl they are interested in sexually or romantically.
Most of the time this is because you aren't very attractive but you have a great personality, and you aren't bad looking either (if you were, men wouldn't even be friends with you). You also probably allow men to treat you like one of the guys. This isn't actually that bad of a situation to be in, because with just a little effort, you can improve your looks to a point that men will look at you in a romantic and sexual light. And if you start acting more feminine you can break out of the "friends" mold.
6. Men hit on you and then text you, but never call.
This is the unfortunate way of the future. Get used to it. But, give a lot of credit to the few guys who do pick up the phone and call: they are either more interested in you than the others, or just more confident. Either way, they are a step ahead of the rest.
7. You know you are attractive and men always check you out, but you only get approached by cocky players.
This is a difficult situation. It means you are extremely hot, and you intimidate most men. However, your personality is more to blame than your appearance. There are plenty of hot girls that get hit on far more frequently than you. Adjust your look first, because this will be the easiest part: dress a little more cute and a little less sexy. More importantly: loosen up. The women that are most intimidating to men are the ones that are insecure themselves, and mask their insecurity by closing themselves to social interaction under a facade of "hard to get." I've met a few girls like this - drop-dead gorgeous but perpetually single. They are all the same in a nightclub or bar environment: they stand alone or with their friends, and don't have fun, or are too concerned with looking "cool" or like a celebrity to relax and enjoy themselves.
Let me know if I missed any categories, but I think that covers most scenarios.
I think at different times I have had all of them! Oh dear lol, although probably more often some combination of 1 and 2 these days, not sure which to focus on really.
ReplyDeleteSo with number 4 if you like socializing and are often out until the end and/or seen out and about quite a lot, just from that alone (barring being steaming drunk or allover guys etc) could people get the impression you are a slut? This is probably for me anyway when you have the most access to men, plus I like it, have you any suggestions for ways round this?
I love this blog by the way, ignore all the commenters who can't face up to reality, I think you come across as very fair and balanced, you've given more consideration to the woman's side of things than would a lot of men so they'd do well to bear that in mind!
It isn't from that alone, no. There might be an element of (the response to) #2 in there also.
DeleteThanks, as in if you were rude to the guys that were approaching you, or if you spent too long talking to them for example? I'm definitely not the first as I hate being rude.
DeleteI suspect my main problem is slight nervousness making me behave maybe a bit awkwardly at times, mainly around men I'm attracted to, I don't know that I will ever completely lose that but faking till you make it is the next best thing eh, so any tips for sort of go to responses if someone is checking you out for example, or if you want to catch someone's eye, would be very welcome.
I have an example of this from yesterday at the gym actually, I looked away the first few and gave a bit of an awkward smile as he went past, I was stretching in fairness! This sort of thing happens to me all the time and no approach, I never took it personally and always put it down to either the guys just checking all the girls out, or maybe wanting you to know they were looking but not really having their next move planned either? I was just wondering if there's anything I can do to come off better/ make myself more approachable in these circumstances?
Thanks again
The gym guy either wasn't attracted to you or didn't have a good way to start a conversation. Eye contact goes a long way towards indicating to a guy that you are open. Hold his eye contact, then smile without looking away. A lot of girls smile as they divert their glance, which this just comes off as polite. But if you hold eye contact as you smile, he will know the door is open.
DeleteThanks, my default is to look away I so I will try and be more smiley! I don't feel intimidated around sort of middle aged oldish men I'm not attracted to, like my local shopkeeper people like that, and there's another one who owns a shop near where I live, he usually sits outside, and would just stare relentlessly while you'd go past, so I said "Hi!" one time to break the awkwardness, and he's actually quite nice and I always stop for a chat now. Idk it always seems so different with younger men.
DeleteI just wanted to add as well, I'm always keen not to embarrass myself or come off as desperate or slutty particularly somewhere like my gym
DeleteIt seems different with younger men because there is more on the line; they could date you, so you are worried about screwing things up. I don't feel nervous at all approaching a 90-year-old woman, but approaching a hot girl always makes me at least a little nervous.
DeleteIf you visualize the guy you are looking at as an old man, it might help calm you a little so that you can act more naturally.
Thanks, in situations where the guys might be just throwing eyes at all the girls (but you've only actually seen them do it to you I mean), in these situations what would you suggest to do? Like hold back on the encouragement so you don't look desperate, or just assume that's how it is until you've differentiated yourself and go on the same as if the thought never crossed your mind?
DeletePlease excuse all the questions, I appreciate they could seem inane or be difficult to answer, but you're very logical and your answers are much appreciated.
No, I think you can still make and hold eye contact in those situations. If he really is looking at other girls, he probably won't reciprocate, or at least not as enthusiastically. I also think it helps to move closer to the guy so that you facilitate his approach.
DeleteCan you give some examples of high-maintenance behavior? The most common stuff which makes a guy label a girl "high maintenance".
ReplyDelete"Ew, vodka soda? No way..."
DeleteBeing late for things.
"I NEVER go to clubs where I have to pay to get in"
Getting jealous when a guy is just talking to other girls to be friendly, not flirting.
Etc
Are there things regarding a woman's appearance which can make her seem high maintenance? I have heard men mention (negatively) when a woman looks too 2done", have a huge wardrobe, spend a lot on clothes etc.
DeleteAndrew - I really like the concept and I get where you're going with this. The idea is all true, I think #6 can be written a little better.
ReplyDeleteA couple of problem areas you may consider adding to this is:
1) The masculine, I'm a career woman, I can do anything a man can do attitude that is such a turn off for nearly all men.
2) The attention-whore attitude where you have mainly only guy friends. Most men aren't going to take you seriously for a relationship.
3) The high drama, "i'm always just unlucky" woman where things just seem to always happen to her.
I think this is a very important topic and can be flushed out a little more to be more encompassing.
Awesome work as usual.
Andrew,
ReplyDelete"Boring" is a very subjective term. And if a man finds me "boring" then he's not someone I want. I could care less what men think of me; if they don't like me, there's the door, and good luck to them. I enjoy my quiet, happy life, and if a guy doesn't like that I'm not out every night of the week burning the candle at both ends, oh well! His loss, my gain of a quiet evening not wasted by someone who can't appreciate me for who I am. :)
So why are you reading this blog?
DeleteWow, Andrew.
DeleteI was just merely pointing out something. Goodness me.
I was trying to point out that if you really didn't care what men thought about you, or if you really had this "take me as I am or leave me" attitude, then you wouldn't read a blog that gives advice about self-improvement.
DeleteHi Andrew, enjoyed the post but.
ReplyDelete#2 I have a little issue with. I have been told by many guys that I am very cute but that I have a "serious sincerity" about me and that is what is putting guys off. Really! I don't think I'm ever going to get this. So what is it? Guys between 21-27 are not interested in serious relationships?
Have you heard of extended adolescence?
DeleteThere is a difference between being into serious relationships and being into relationships with a girl who is always serious. A serious relationship can be fun; help him make it that way.
DeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteSeriously sincere here, I think part of the issue is that I am an introvert and it takes time for me to get to know someone enough before I can relax around them. Until then I am on pins and needles. I have a great time with my guy friends (btw all of them have great Ltr-relationships)would it be weird to ask them to help set me up? I really like these guys and trust them I would be going out with them if they weren't already dating some of my girlfriends.
It really depends on your relationship with them and how you ask. I can see it being weird in some situations and totally normal in others. If you ask in a light-hearted way I think they might be open to helping you, but it depends on the guys and, as I said, your relationship with them. If you ask in a needy, desperate, depressed way, they will do whatever they can to avoid the situation.
DeleteThanks Andrew
DeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, thought I'd get your advice as I seem to have the #2 problem for some time now - About 65-75% of the guys who hit on me are "always short, or fat, or ugly, or awkward". I'm not looking for stunningly attractive men, but I would like to find someone who I am at least attracted too and who is not weird or slimy. But I don't know what am I doing wrong?
I don't think it is the first point as yet, as I am doing all that I can to look like an attractive, normal female. I use make-up accordingly, I dress well emphasizing my best features, I'm as thin as I could possibly be without having an eating disorder, although I could tone up quite a bit, but I have no motivation when it comes to exercise, I'd rather eat. I get along with most people that I know, and I have a large group of friends, both guys and girls. (Sorry that this sounds conceited, I'm not really)
Any suggestions on where I'm going wrong as all my friends don't seem to have this problem at all and it's becoming a running joke amongst us all about the "weirdos " I attract. Help?
Look for the upcoming post titled "attractiveness checklist"
DeleteThanks and I will. But I'm just wondering, is it them? or am I giving off this vibe that says "Please hit on me as I'll probably say yes?". It's gotten so bad to the point that I no longer respond to any guy who hits on me at all. Part of it could be that I did work in club for 6 month, so I never to take guys in bars seriously. But some of these guys are just... wrong. Is there anything that I can do for now to fix this?
DeleteYou probably do give off a vibe like that, yes. Try coming up with a couple simple "screening" questions that you can ask guys when they approach you, so that you will know (from their answers) immediately whether they are worth talking to or not. I don't mean "how much do you earn" or "what car do you drive" - be more creative than that.
Delete"you aren't bad looking either (if you were, men wouldn't even be friends with you)"
ReplyDeleteHaha! Are guys likely to hang out with attractive girls even if the girl is taken/they don't have a shot with her/they're not planning on making a move?
yeah kinda. depends on his other options.
Delete"Men hit on you and ask (text) you to go out drinking, but not to go out on dates"
ReplyDeleteAre you saying that if a guy wants to meet you "for a drink", it's a bad thing? I know that a dinner is more appropriate, but some may find that a bit full on. What if the guy seems very decent? He asked me out in person btw.
No, I mean "hey come out with me and my friends downtown tonight" = "Let's get drunk together and hopefully we can hook up"
DeleteInteresting! I have just posted them on my Facebook. Guess a lot of women will relate to this. They really got to know themselves before knowing other people. Thanks for this though.
ReplyDeleteCan you explain more about loosening up in regards to #7? Do you mean send more approachable signals, stop looking so good, or what? Thanks! I love having a male perspective and a mind to pick.
ReplyDeleteHey Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI really like this post… I am really struggling at the moment. I fit in to category one LATELY. I've had long term boyfriends before. My first 2 years of college I had a serious boyfriend (3 years ago) and last year I had another boyfriend. Guys ask me on dates all of the time but they never seem to turn in to relationships. Lately I feel like guys are either only sexually attracted to me-- just want to hook up with me (even all of my guy friends who have never wanted to hook up with me before) and once they find out that I am not down to have sex outside of a committed relationship they stop texting me. Where in the past it has been my personality that has attracted men. Now I am worried that I am boring. What do I do? I have been trying to be more "fun" and it's been backfiring on me… they didn't like me when I was too serious but now I'm just fun. Do you do personal coaching?
Re number 4 - should women always assume they project a slutty behavior if something like that happens?
ReplyDeleteI went out with a guy - he'd been texting me a long time and took me out to dinner. It was great, he said goodnight but didn't push for sex or anything. He's kept texting to see me again. He was going to a party Saturday but wanted to see me as next week would be busy, I told him to just let me know if he didn't leave the party too late. I got a text at 1 am, which came across as a booty call and obviously I didn't respond (don't respond to texts/calls from men after midnight).
I'm not promiscuous/don't initiate contact with men and I come across as slutty. What I mean is that I assume some men make advances like that because they are inclined to do so, and sometimes it doesn't really matter what you do? Because I see amazing girls getting sleazy advances all the time, and I don't think a girl can always think it's "all them". Aren't a lot of guys likely to go for it anyway?
My girlfriend told me this one... all you need to do is be "fun, sexy, and totally approachable".... everyone will want you. hah.
ReplyDeleteSally.
I like your honesty! Your blog hits some soft spots sometimes, but i think it is what i need to hear! This is my deal: I am a young women who is told by many people (men and women) that i am 'hot, beautiful..'guys hit on me, but they never follow through.. Like we have an amazing evening, a kiss might happen.. but then nothing. I am a sensitive, sweet women. As a kid i was always the girl that played soccer and had all the guy friends. I am quite a nerd on the inside, i just don't look like one.. ( love star wars, science). I am insecure because i feel i don't belong with the typical girls/women but also not with the guys anymore, because guy friends are always a little flirty. guys can hang around me all evening but the minute i go home, it's like it is all over.(never sleep with them only a kiss sometimes). what's your verdict? i can take it..
ReplyDeleteps: english is not my first language.
Do you think a woman should trust her 'gut' when it comes to men's intentions?
ReplyDeleteThere is a guy I have met a couple of times, and I have a "feeling" he's a player. First night we met he was quite forward - there was an after party at his place and he really put the moves on me - I had to say no very directly. He didn't ask for my number, and he seemed quite miffed, and feeling rejected. I think he has quite a lot of ego. He's always out, so I met him again this weekend. He pulled me aside to talk, and he asked for my number this time. He texted me tonight asking if I'd be interested in dinner or going to the cinema tomorrow.
He's a nightlife person, which makes me so unsure. He's got a "player" thing about him. I usually get asked out quite a bit and I have experienced men seeming super nice for a long time but actually just being interested in sex. Last guy I dated was a gentleman for so long and I was hurt when I realized he didn't genuinely care about me. Now I'm thinking if a guy CAN seem amazing but actually only want one thing, I should definitely say no if I have a sheer of doubt from the start?
If I end up rejecting him, should I just say "no thanks" or let him know the reason?
He sounds like a player. But this doesn't mean you can't date him to find out for sure what he is about. If you still to "the rules" and don't sleep with him until he commits to you, all you'll waste is a little bit of time if he does turn out to be a player.
DeleteI'm not sure what scenario I fall into. It's rare I will get asked on dates in person but usually the man will ask me later on some kind of social media after the first initial meeting. The men that I have gone out with in recent times in terms of a relationship seem to develop infatuations very fast, have no issue with wanting a relationship and introducing me to people however this only seems to last a short while and ten they lose interest somewhat or maybe they just get comfortable. I can never seem to get a relationship going beyond that initial infatuation phase and now I'm wary of going out with men who want to rush..
ReplyDeleteI really would like a relationship to last longer, I am constantly being asked why am I still single but it seems the same kind of man is attracted to me..the easily excitable and confident show off types..and I'm wondering where I am going wrong.
Do you have a post like this for men? It would be very helpful, and I would love to post it on my site and link back to yours.
ReplyDeleteNo but shoot me an e-mail if you'd like me to help you write one for your site. It's sort of out of the scope of this one, which is intended for women.
DeleteIf you end up writing one like that for men, please link to it :)
DeleteHey Andrew, interesting interpretations...for your number 7; is it possible that being overly intelligent may also contribute to intimidating guys? A friend of mine proposes to me that being smarter than most men will keep them away despite how good you look.
ReplyDeleteIf we are talking about a large disparity in intelligence and if the man has low self-esteem, then it is possible, but the short answer is no, not usually.
DeleteDo you have any specific tips for a girl in high school?
ReplyDeleteLook for an upcoming post called "Female Game for Girls in Their Teens."
DeleteIt should be out in a week or so - I just finished drafting it. It is part of a three post series; the other two will be one for women in their 20s and one for women in their 30s.
Ok thanks
Delete"you aren't bad looking either (if you were, men wouldn't even be friends with you)"
ReplyDeleteDo you really think most men really don't have interest in being friends with women without some other attraction? I spend a lot of time with guys and this really affects how innocently I could go about life...
95 % of the time, yes.
DeleteI think I'm group 1 - I get hit on and asked out quite a lot but I never get the relationship past the 2 month mark. Men always call me back and ask for a 2nd, 3rd and 4th date but somewhere down the line there seems to be trouble. Sometimes misunderstandings, sometimes me getting angry he didn't call when he was supposed to, sometimes he starts playing games. I have been accused of causing drama, but I think it is legitimate to be skeptical when I spot what seems to be a red flag. Filtering is hard in your early twenties.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm a bit shy, I don't think I'm boring. I've had fun with guys, and had responses that they had an amazing time on dates - we've laughed a lot together. I'm not a slob, my place is quite feminine and clean and I'm not promiscuous (or at least my number is lower than most girls in my demographic - who have boyfriends!).
I am losing faith in my ability to secure a great guy long term. Sometimes they seem so keen and we have a dispute and it is as if they give up entirely.
Do you think there is an "elephant in the room" I'm ignoring, or do you know great girls who have the same problem?
Andrew, could you pleases answer this question? I have the exact same problem that the poster above described! I don't think I'm boring by any means, but getting a relationship to last more than a few months seems challenging for me.
DeleteHowever, that brings me to another question: What do men find boring in a woman?
It is hard to give you an answer about an "elephant in the room" without knowing you personally. Probably, though, there is something you can improve. Have you asked any of those guys for honest feedback?
DeleteBoring in a woman is someone who just wants to hang out at home, doesn't share the same interests as a man (whether those are intellectual, athletic, culinary, etc.), or is constantly "down"
Thanks Andrew. I'm in my mid-twenties and I have the exact problem as the two posters above. I've dated young, old, black, white, divorced men, etc. And although I'm not the hottest female in town, I literally get who ever I want because I know my strengths and my weaknesses and know how to use them adequately... First 4 months, we live our romance passionately and everything is always too good to be true... but systematically, when it comes to the "where is this going? what are we exactly?" I get dumped, cheated on, or into constant drama. I am quite impatient, I tend to express my feelings (a lot?), but only once he's reassured me that it is ok to do so. Andrew said it right : I think this issue is a personal thing. I believe I go from the "over confident and balanced woman" to the "scared of disappointment, emotional drama queen"...
DeleteP/S: I love your blog, entertaining and interesting. You've got a French fan!
Does anyone have an answer to number 7?
ReplyDeleteHi-
ReplyDeleteI think you missed one category.
I get asked out on dates quite frequently and have fantastic first, second, third and fourth dates. The men tell me I'm amazing, compliment me on my physical appearance and generally treat me very well. In this day and age, everyone assumes that people are seeing other people until you have the "exclusive" talk.
What has happened to me more than once is that the guy will tell me that he picked the other girl he was seeing over me...and then marry her. I feel like I'm always the second-to-last girl the guy will date - he'll marry the one right after me. The first time this happened, I felt like I was respected when he had the decency to come over to tell me in person. The second time, it was on the phone and I was crushed. Both times, I was extremely nice about it and told them both that I thought they were awesome - because I meant it.
So, what kind of girl does this make me? None of your categories above captures this!
Were the guys in leagues that were too high and/or happened to marry girls who were above your league? Sorry to be so blunt. Hope it makes sense. x
DeleteIt could be the opposite. I'm probably a 9, but I'm lazy about relationships at this point in my life. Dating down gets me completely pampered, BUT the confidence boost they get from being with me means they usually leave me for a 7-8 with a great personality. Que sera sera, but if that's not what you want, don't let yourself be the leap frog. Try going up a level before you try going down one.
DeleteI don't think that it is always the woman's fault for who walks up and says something to her. I've been approached by men often and 99% of the time I wasn't attracted to them. I have gotten the men I said "hi" to first.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is the men I don't want and not attracted to want a relationship. But the attractive guys I've dated (actually just one particular guy) disappeared when he couldn't get sex. I usually find that attractive men usually have the lowest self-esteem. They normally won't approach while the ugly men will try because they have nothing to lose. I feel that personality is what they see. One may not like it while someone else will.
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your blog and I've been reading it for the past 3hr (it’s Sunday night and I am recovering from an accident so I've plenty of time), it’s awesome! I also read most of the posts above. See, I'm in my late twenties, and I did focused a long time on a lot of other stuff besides finding me a good man, and I truly don't regret it. And that's why I kinda enjoyed this post, because it gives you a sincere feedback on what you can do to change your priorities.
Now and after my accident, I’ve had a lot of time (about 6 months confined at home) to think and change perspectives. After accomplishing lots of my goals in terms of career, traveling, parties, experiences, etc. I now realize I’m ready to share myself with someone else. However, I find myself within a weird combination of several of your categories, and I believe many woman shares my position on this. Apparently, and quoting a very close friend and my brother, I am “overqualified and emasculate man”. This was shocking to me at first, but after thinking about it, it might be true. So I followed my brother’s advice and tuned-down my independency and self-sufficient personality a little bit. I’m fairly attractive, and I am asked out often enough. The same story repeats constantly and I have no idea what’s wrong. At the beginning they always seem so interested in going out with me, and when we do, the first date is fun and hopeful. But then second date takes a little longer to happen, and so on, and then they just start to fade away as if they are no longer interested in me. The first couple of dates I get a lot of complements of my looks, the way of conduct myself, etc. I already tried to ease my “masculine” qualities, I’ve always been very sociable and extrovert, I kill jokes so I avoid those but I compensate with a very silly sense of humor … so what category do you think I should focus on?
Don't get me wrong...I have read damn near every article on this website; I have learned a great deal about the opposite sex, but the one thing I just cannot process is...Everytime it is stated that a guy is not be interested in a woman it means a chick is either fat or isn't very attractive. Lol, huh? There are over 6 billion people on this planet and the reason you do not get hit on or asked out is because you are either overweight or unattractive (who is official keeper of the 'hotness scale' anyways?). You are telling me all guys are attracted to the same type of woman? This in itself is hilarious. Really?
ReplyDeleteA couple things. First of all, you have to take the author into context. What guy would have this kind of blog? Do you REALLY think Andrew is interested in helping women hook up with other men? NO, Andrew is experimenting to see what works FOR HIM and based on what is successful or fails, he writes about it. Look at his most recent post about the three tries. Andrew is attracted to the women he emulates as desirable. H does from time to time reference that there are other women in the galaxy that exist--from time to time. Second, if you look at postmasculine that he references from time to time, this blog is kind of similar except it's for women. A lot of people have advice to offer. Third, sometimes when I read this blog, I wish women would be empowered enough to be confident and not take his words as, for lack of a better term, the rules. They are not definitive, they are merely his opinions.
DeleteI too heart his blog, but the rules aren't anything but Andrew's opinions. Some of which are clearly misguided, but they are his.
Andrew, after how ever long he has this blog going, has not found what he's looking for. Based on his earlier posts, he seems attractive, but settling seems to be where he ends up. The women he has dated probably aren't close to 10s, not based on what he's written about them. It might very well be one of those scenarios where someone knows "the rules" but has never attained what he emulates. Anyway, who knows, and my point to you is that as a person you should be confident in yourself. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses and improve what you can. I think he also says some of that, but the undertones of the skinny to be attractive come through. "Not settling" should be the message not "settle because you aren't good enough" or "settle because she's free and easy sex"
Check out this post from postmasculine: http://postmasculine.com/change-your-mind
Here's something about the life of a beautiful woman taking a look at asian women in thailand whofall into the categories of prostitute, bar girl and good girl. Looks aren't unimportant, but you don't want to end up like a prostitute in these examples. http://postmasculine.com/life-through-the-eyes-of-a-beautiful-woman
DeletePeople may not say a lot about certain behaviors, but I bet people would agree that dating a woman who is a prostitute or sleeps around is good. Andrew had a similar post about friends w benefits. It's not very different.
dating a woman who is a prostitute or sleeps around is *not* good...
DeleteThis blog is a copy of postmasculine. It's the same. What a phony.
Delete"Everytime it is stated that a guy is not be interested in a woman it means a chick is either fat or isn't very attractive. Lol, huh?"
DeleteYes. Or she's a nasty, mean person. Or all of the above.
"There are over 6 billion people on this planet and the reason you do not get hit on or asked out is because you are either overweight or unattractive"
Yes. Or you're a nasty, mean person. Or all of the above.
"(who is official keeper of the 'hotness scale' anyways?)"
Mother Nature.
"You are telling me all guys are attracted to the same type of woman? This in itself is hilarious. Really?"
Yes, really. If by "same type" you mean "not fat, not ugly, and not a bitch".
"This blog is a copy of postmasculine. It's the same. What a phony."
DeleteIf by "the same" you mean "not the same at all". Maybe this is some weird attempt to poach readers or something...?
I'm a woman and I definitely agree with most of the things on this blog. However, I also know that I'm not going to find a boyfriend in the fun to dance at bars so instead of letting guys waste my time who I can tell only want to bang me, I put up this really unapproachable guard up because my friends are so busy these days that I want to be able to have fun with them while I can!
ReplyDeleteI typically don't get hit on by the guys I want at bars, but I do get hit on by guys I find attractive in places where you don't normally go looking to meet someone (ie the office, grocery stores, etc.) why would this be?
ReplyDeleteAndrew, I definitely relate to #1, what do you suggest I work on improving?
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ReplyDelete