There is no question that you look better with your hair and makeup done than you do without it. If your boyfriend tells you that you are hotter without it, because he prefers when you "look more natural," he is either lying or you aren't doing your makeup correctly. Makeup is designed to make you look better; saying that it doesn't is like saying that a fresh coat of paint on a house doesn't make the house look better: it is only true when someone screws up the paint job by using the wrong colors or applying the right ones incorrectly.
In any case, although cosmetics give you an undeniable advantage when it comes to controlling your appearance, they come with the burden of deciding when and where their use is appropriate. The following points explain what men think about seeing you done up or in your natural state, so that you can better choose between the two when that decision proves difficult.
1. He cares about first impressions. We all do. They matter. Initial experiences leave an impression on the mind much deeper than most of those that follow; this is simply the way the human brain works. So make sure you are looking great the first few times you meet him; he will remember it. (Note that I did not say that you should be looking "your best" the first few times you meet him. This is because it is always good to keep a little something in reserve. If your "great" isn't good enough for him, your "best" probably won't be either. And even if it were, you would have to be completely focused on your appearance in order to barely keep him interested, making your life a living hell.)
4. He hates a women whose life is dictated by her appearance. The negative effect of being unwilling to do activities that would require you to not wear makeup (camping, surfing, etc.) by far outweighs the advantage you gain by always being seen at your best - especially considering points #2 and #8.
5. He loves a woman who is confident in her own skin. Confidence is a character trait that both sexes find incredibly attractive in the other (even if women value it more than men) because confidence is rooted in a healthy self-perception and acknowledgement of one's own self-worth - which all diligent and contentious people have. The attractiveness of your confidence is much more important than whatever advantage you sacrifice by occasionally being seen without makeup.
A final point is worth noting: a genuinely feminine woman loves looking her best. She takes great pleasure in adorning herself and amplifying her internal beauty via her external beauty. You don't need to be a supermodel to enjoy this; you simply need to know that you are looking your current best. The more you allow yourself to enjoy looking beautiful, the less you will resent the "need" to do so, and the more comfortable you will feel when you don't.
In any case, although cosmetics give you an undeniable advantage when it comes to controlling your appearance, they come with the burden of deciding when and where their use is appropriate. The following points explain what men think about seeing you done up or in your natural state, so that you can better choose between the two when that decision proves difficult.
2. He is going to see you without makeup eventually, so don't make inordinate attempts to avoid being seen bare-faced after the first few dates. By inordinate I mean things like canceling a date because you won't have time to do your hair perfectly, or completely avoiding a hike with him because full makeup and hair would be inappropriate. I don't mean spending an hour getting ready for a date. Spending time to make yourself look your best is normal, not inordinate; so err on the side of doing this more frequently rather than less. Just beware that there is an upper limit to the benefit of added effort, since he will see you without makeup eventually.
3. He doesn't stop wanting to see you done up. There is a misconception among some women that as a relationship develops, a man becomes either (a) less turned on by seeing you done up, or (b) more turned on by seeing you in your natural state. Neither of these are true. In fact, if anything, the opposite is true in both instances, since, as a man grows accustomed to your look, his sex drive starts nagging at him, inclining him to desire other women (though in a good relationship, this is counteracted by emotional investment, time investment, love, etc.) In any case, he certainly doesn't stop wanting to see you look your best, or grow less disappointed when you reduce the effort you put into your appearance. There is no point at which you can "relax" without implications while you are both sexually active with each other. If this seems unfair, remember the analogy between confidence and beauty: you taking a break from being beautiful for him is like him taking a break from being strong and confident for you. While you could probably sympathize with your man's desire to relax in this regard, and might even be OK with him showing his weaknesses to you from time to time (see #7 below), you'd prefer to always have him being his strongest, and you wouldn't be any less turned off by his weakness just because time had elapsed in the relationship.
5. He loves a woman who is confident in her own skin. Confidence is a character trait that both sexes find incredibly attractive in the other (even if women value it more than men) because confidence is rooted in a healthy self-perception and acknowledgement of one's own self-worth - which all diligent and contentious people have. The attractiveness of your confidence is much more important than whatever advantage you sacrifice by occasionally being seen without makeup.
6. He loves you looking your best during sex. Remember that men are primarily stimulated visually. While there is a certain attraction to being naked with a woman who bares her whole self to you, most of the time a man wants to be sleeping with the hottest woman he can. Again, remember the analogy between confidence and beauty, and consider how you'd feel if your normally confident man man turned into a weak pushover in the sack. I am not saying that you should never have sex without your hair and makeup done. There are some instances in which getting done up just for sex isn't appropriate, and he'd certainly rather have sex with the "au natural" you than not have sex at all. But when you have the option to get done up, and you find yourself tempted to think "oh, he doesn't really care" or "we love each other so much it doesn't matter," remember this point.
7. There is something intimate about seeing a girl without makeup. When I've seen my ex-girlfriends without their hair and makeup done, I've had two thoughts: (a) she is less attractive, but (b) it is nice that I get to see this side of her. It is an expression of intimacy - and her confidence - that she can be herself in my presence, and this is worth something. Don't use this as an excuse to ignore point #3, but allow it to help you if you struggle with point #5.
8. He isn't expecting you to be as hot without it as you are with it. Men understand that you aren't going to be as beautiful without your makeup on and hair done. This is expected, and it is factored in to their evaluation of your attractiveness. Yes, there are some women who get more benefit from makeup than others, and it is possible for a man to be surprised by how much less attractive a girl looks without it. You can avoid falling into this category by understanding your complexion and wearing makeup that is compatible with your natural look; but regardless, know that men definitely hold you to lower standards when you aren't made up.
7. There is something intimate about seeing a girl without makeup. When I've seen my ex-girlfriends without their hair and makeup done, I've had two thoughts: (a) she is less attractive, but (b) it is nice that I get to see this side of her. It is an expression of intimacy - and her confidence - that she can be herself in my presence, and this is worth something. Don't use this as an excuse to ignore point #3, but allow it to help you if you struggle with point #5.
8. He isn't expecting you to be as hot without it as you are with it. Men understand that you aren't going to be as beautiful without your makeup on and hair done. This is expected, and it is factored in to their evaluation of your attractiveness. Yes, there are some women who get more benefit from makeup than others, and it is possible for a man to be surprised by how much less attractive a girl looks without it. You can avoid falling into this category by understanding your complexion and wearing makeup that is compatible with your natural look; but regardless, know that men definitely hold you to lower standards when you aren't made up.
A final point is worth noting: a genuinely feminine woman loves looking her best. She takes great pleasure in adorning herself and amplifying her internal beauty via her external beauty. You don't need to be a supermodel to enjoy this; you simply need to know that you are looking your current best. The more you allow yourself to enjoy looking beautiful, the less you will resent the "need" to do so, and the more comfortable you will feel when you don't.
Related Posts
Andrew, I notice that you never post pictures of redheads in any of your posts. Are redheads generally seen as less attractive?
ReplyDeleteThere are fewer of them, so they are less likely to come up when you look for photos. There are also less makeup guides for redheads out there, since they represent a minority. It has nothing to do with attractiveness.
DeleteNo, they just aren't common so when I look for photos, fewer are photos of redheads. I do think I had one in this post though: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/05/how-to-avoid-looking-fake.html
DeleteCool, thank you!
DeleteWomen look better without make-up. You cannot polish a turd. an ugly girl is still an ugly girl with/without make-up.. A pretty girl wearing make-up looks spoilt by the muck on her face.. I find make-up particularly unpalateable
Delete"You aren't going to be as beautiful without your makeup on and hair done. This is expected"
DeleteThis is why the society interaction sucks so bad, conform to the norms or expect to be shunned. No wonder why girls self confidence hits rock bottom ever so often.
I know a man who sincerely prefers women dressed down and without make up. Now, I have liked this guy for many, many years, but I also love dressing up and making myself look good. His past girlfriends have been lovely ladies who either went frequently without make up and in casual clothes before dating him or started to while dating him.
ReplyDeleteRecently, we were at a play together in which all the characters wore sweatsuits. Afterwards I commented that I just couldn't stand the costumes. And he replied that he found them sexy, because they set the bar low in terms of being able to take them off. With that comment, my ten plus years fascination with the guy disappeared. I finally understood why he dates women who are 1) poor dressers 2) always undone 3) far less intelligent. He likes the bar set low.
I think wearing make up and dressing well can be a sign of confidence just as much as going without make up can be. I don't think it's impossible to meet a nice guy who finds you pretty if you don't, but just remember, he may be lacking in the strength and confidence it takes to land a girl who likes to take care of herself and yeah, show off a little bit.
very well said Laura. I definitely agree, especially the last sentence!
DeleteMaybe he just thinks of makeup being fake. Some men do, and it is.
DeleteHi Laura,
DeleteThat’s very insightful! Especially the “I finally understood why he dates women who are 1) poor dressers 2) always undone 3) far less intelligent. He likes the bar set low.” Can you please elaborate on the “He likes the bar set low.” ? I'd really appreciate it.
This man has always excited me because he has an incredible mind. He is not physically attractive. I'm a very petite woman so I don't mind that e's pretty short and has a small build, but in competition with other men I've dated he does not stack up as ummm... an alpha male?
DeleteIt's always driven me crazy that he dates women who aren't nearly as bright... Though it's true they are all naturally very pretty. Now, I have liked him since high school, well before I "blossomed" (former geeky teen here) and while I know now that I can pique his interest, it's by being more aggressive than That which I'm naturally comfortable. At 27, over ten years into this crush, I've realized I'm dealing with a brilliant and gifted, but very insecure man. Ever fallen for a hopelessly romantic & troubled artist? Yeah, this is the type I'm talking about. When I realized that the way I dress and make myself up (which is minimal, compared to the above pictures) intimidates him to the point of dismissal.... Well, why let ths crush keep dogging my confidence? And, for the record, he all but destroyed the confidence of hs aforementioned girl friends.
Geez Laura wake up!
DeleteYou're the one who's insecure. You're the one with a confidence problem.
He knows what he likes and wants and maybe you just ain't it.
You're (and all the other women with these thoughts) delusional in telling yourself men are "intimidated" by whatever you're wearing or saying.
They may be put off, think you're a slut, or just don't like you.
But we don't get intimidated, that's what women are.
You can't really be such a fool - you truly don't believe men can be intimidated by women? How absolutely hilarious.
DeleteAs a twenty-something year old woman,I have met far more men who lack genuine confidence and a solid sense of Self than I have the opposite. I have known many men who have, at some point, expressed they initially found me intimidating and were it not for my being a social/friendly person would have been unlikely to approach me for fear of rejection. I do not delude myself into believing I am God's gift to man, but I am an attractive and confident woman. I have found that the vast majority of men under 30 are indeed intimidated by successful and attractive women - the older the man gets the less likely that is true of him. Oh, sometimes there is the facade of confidence, of course - or the entirely undesirble idiot who inexplicably believes all women want him despite all evidence of the contrary (he's always an entertaining show).
As for women being intimidated by men- well, while I am sure there ARE women who are easily intimidated, generally speaking, women believe they have the upper hand when it comes to dating and sex (even in instances where this is not the case). Society tells us we possess this great power over men- The Magical Vagina. It is deeply ingrained in so many aspects of our culture. Men are the pursuers, women are the pursued. This subconcious belief allows women the luxury of an ofherwise ungarnered confidence when engaging with men. Most women do not feel intimidated by men at all - in fact, women are much more likely to be intimidated by other women - Since more attractive women are subconciously deemed as possessing greater power over the opposite sex.
I wonder if perhaps you believe "insecure" and "intimidated" are the same thing, and you are confusing the two...In which case you would still be a fool. Both men and women experience insecurity equally- it simply manifests differently with men than it does with women.
"I have found that the vast majority of men under 30 are indeed intimidated by successful and attractive women"
DeleteMen can be intimidated by women. 9 times out of 10 it's by her beauty. A woman can alleviate this with a warm and inviting personality. Men are usually NOT intimidated by a woman's career success. Our minds usually don't even think in those terms when it comes to women, unless the woman goes out of her way to make a big deal about it. What you perceive as intimidation is more likely to be disinterest.
I didn't mean that anytime a man isn't trying to engage me that I think "oh, he's obviously intimidated by me". I don't view myself as intimidating at all - as I'm generally a friendly and easy-going person. I simply was disagreeing that men are never intimidated by women- as I have known several men who have admitted to it -which I would never have known or noticed otherwise. If I noticed anything at the time, It was only that the person was a little shy or socially awkward. If someone acts indifferent or disinterested, in order for it to stand out to me, I would have to already be attracted to that person and paying attention - at which point I would process it accordingly - "he's not interested".
DeleteAs far as being intimidated by success- I think that can be found everywhere regardless of the nature of the relationship. People (men and women) can be intimidated by the success of another person. I don't necessarily mean financial success - since the definition of success is not fixed and varies from person to person. I don't know many people who talk about their income in normal social settings, but there are various ways that details about where a person is at in life arise during natural conversation. It is perfectly plausible that if a man is initially intimidated by a woman's physical appearance it would hurt and not help, if he feels she is more successful than he is (based on what he knows about her and his personal definition).
I would agree that the majority of women who tell themselves "he's intimidated by me" probably are delusional... It's a convenient coping mechanism for rejection. But my point wasn't to say that the original commenter was right, and that the guy who preferred women in sweatpants to her was actually just intimidated by her. My point was that the response of "men don't get intimidated you (women) do" is ridiculous.
Yup understood. Allow me to elaborate a bit.
DeleteWhat I was trying to say was that in a first-date or general social (non-work) situation, there is a far greater likelihood that any given guy would be intimidated by your looks rather than your career. It may sound bad, but that's because in those situations, guys aren't thinking about you as a whole person yet (even if they give a good show of it). At this stage, a guy is far more interested in making a good impression and charming you. When it comes down to it, they're not all that interested in your family history or travels or career choices.
Another example is the "see her across the bar, should I approach her" situation. In this case, he most likely has no idea what you do for a living. He is only going by looks. Therefore if he doesn't approach you, it's because he's thinking something like "a girl that hot must have a million suitors. I'm not going to stack up." The chances are extremely small that he's thinking "man, she looks like an engineer who's pulling in 200k a year".
Now of course in a professional environment, a guy may very well be intimidated by a woman who has more experience or skill than he does. In that world, a woman may very well be his boss.
So as I said in my last post, guys most certainly can be intimidated by a woman. It happens all the time. But it's most likely by her looks, not her career. Unless it's in a work environment.
As far as the guys who told you they were intimidated by your career, I'll certainly accept that. I'm not trying to say it never happens. But I bet when it comes to hot girls, for every guy who was intimidated by her career, there's 50 that were intimidated by her looks.
awesome! I feel more confident and feminine with makeup. Sure, I'm the only dressed up chick at college where everyone is in sweatpants and messy bun heaven...but hopefully it'll benefit me in the long run...love-wise.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, are you still answering e-mails by any chance? I'm anxious for you to answer mine! I really want your opinion! I'm dying to know your perspective!
I'm way behind on emails but i plan to answer as many as possible tonight.
Deleteme too!! everyone else is so sloppy at my college, but i do it for myself anyways :)
Deleteok great! thanks Andrew! you should have a show.
Deleteand @Anon, haha! me too!!
stop trying to suck up to him, its college, you shouldnt have to worry about what you look like, you should be learning! oh golly.
DeleteThis is why every woman should a) work on her skin and b) perfect a no-makeup makeup look. If you are working on your skin you will need less makeup in order to look your best. With a no-makeup makeup look you want to make sure that the end result is not too far a deviation from your completely makeup free self. Here is a great tutorial for no-makeup makeup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGpLLWnO3XY .
ReplyDeleteI would myself wear a no-makeup makeup look in scenarios such as maybe watching a DVD or going for a walk..etc.a lot of the time actually. I save the smokey more dramatic looks for dates and nights out. I just think the important thing is to look after your canvass (skin) so the difference between you with your makeup on and makeup off is minimal therefore reducing the shock factor.
excellent advice. best thing to do is invest in quality skincare. Also watch your diet for foods that ruin your complexion and get sleep.
DeleteAny advice for skin issues Emily?
DeleteBump. There are guys that delude themselves into thinking that they like women au naturale. However, when guys say "I don't like girls in makeup", they usually mean "I like girls in natural makeup". Example (source: reddit):http://i.imgur.com/pdBB1l.jpg
DeleteAlso, makeup can be magical (extreme example): http://www.wimp.com/bravewoman/
Agree with Eliza there! They mean, they like simple makeup: foundation, a little liner. but not NO makeup at all.
DeleteOneBigMistake,
DeleteI mean Andrew has an article here that would cover a lot of the things that I would advise:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/03/ten-ways-to-improve-your-skin.html
If you have acne especially of the nasty cystic variety the only thing that has worked for me is extremely intense exercise..you need to sweat your gut out. This sort of exercise will detox and give a natural glow. If you suffer from spots I would also stick to mineral foundations (just a light dusting) as they do not clog your pores like other foundations and allow your skin to breathe.
Diet, exercise and sleep, plenty of water and all of that boring stuff is essential. Don't be afraid to use oils on your skin either. Grapeseed and rosehip oils are two of my favourites for face..avoid any areas of skin congestion if in doubt. I use oil everywhere...coconut oil for body (used as a bath oil in a warm bath..incredible) and argan oil for hair. Be sure to add lots of good fats to your diet and try to stick to the fresh food section in the supermarket.
I have very sensitive skin so I tend to stick to very basic skincare products. I think if you have any issues with sensitivity avoid anything harsh..like if it stings the skin even slightly, throw it out.
Re: working on your skin. Go to the store Lush if you have one near you. Get them to give you a free facial and have them prescribe you a routine. Buy as much as you can and have them give you samples of what you can't afford right now. Feel the difference in your skin. I've often had men tell me they love a good "cheek" meaning a soft, smooth cheek. You will notice your cheeks especially feel different. Lush is also all natural and not full of junk and chemicals that will do more damage. This is how I am nearly 32 and have a forehead most 25 year olds would love to have. My boyfriend also gets his skincare there and is sort of amazed at the money I spend but understands that's why I look as young as I do and he appreciates it.
DeleteI've never heard of Lush, but I like anything that is both all natural and non-irritating for your skin. I use Hylunia. I'll look up Lush too though in case I ever want to switch up my routine.
DeleteJust looked up that "extreme example" that Eliza posted of makeup being magical btway. No matter how many times I see a major makeup transformation, I am still amazed every time. I really hope her face does clear up though. She has such cute features and it seems like her personality is really bright too. She actually reminds me of one of my best friends.
Hey Andrew, a little off topic, but you should do a post on finding someone based on interests. And how important common interests are. I am a total retro junkie, I collect old records, films, listen to 60s-90s music, I like vintage cars etc. and I always wish I could find a guy who was similar but I am cutting my pool really short. To what degree are specific interests and values (music, religion, politics) important in relationships.
ReplyDeleteWhile we are on that note, how do you feel about women who cheer for their guy's favorite sports team even if they know nothing about the sport?
A little off topic from this post but since you were reading comments......
Having something in common is really important! r u kidding?
DeleteI don't think it is critical. I think it is more important that he is attracted to you and enjoys your personality, and that you admire him and respect him than it is that you have the same hobbies. I DO think it is important to have a reasonably similar taste (e.g. for decorating a house) and lifestyle expectations though, so if your or his interests affect these things, then it could be more important.
DeleteI wouldn't rule out anyone for dating until you've had a chance to talk with them. If you "click," take it to the next step and don't stop until you DON'T feel that chemistry anymore. Don't rule someone out just because they have something that, on paper, seems inappropriate.
Thank you! I agree. It is hard, similar tastes is a big part of my life since I'm a movie/music lover but I can live with enjoying these aspects on my own.
DeleteHey Andrew (or anyone) whats your opinion of denim on a first date, or in general. I have heard its a bad idea to wear it on a first date. What says you?
ReplyDeletedark denim is dressier. In general, it is widely agreed that jeans heels and a cute top are the go-to date outfit. Although I like to show a little more personality.
DeleteTry dark denim. It's a really great way to show off your ass-ests on the first date.
Yeah I was just wondering because I have heard the contrary. Im a denim girl and usually wear form fitting, dark-wash, high-end denim. The outfit you describe was exactly what I wore on my last date.
DeleteThanks for the response!
depends where you are going! if you're going on a simple, fun, cute date (especially if your young), then denim (dark) is fine. Like a simple dinner, walk on the beach, or anything sportsy. If you are going out to a nice restaurant then I don't know...
DeletePersonally, I opt for a simple dress. Often guys don't tell or describe well enough what we'll do, and a simple floral dress can be dressed up or down. with a jacket and flats, its good for simple outings. without a jacket and heels, its chic!
Yeah it completely depends on the date. It can be appropriate.
DeleteLike if you're going to a country/western bar!
Deletehigh end dark wash denim works in my city (a fashion capital) in most nice restaurants, (a food capital). Trust me you're fine. wear an elegant top and nice heels. The shoes are incredibly important. high end denim (150-350+ USD).
DeleteHowever, I will add that dresses are preferable and my personal favorite for a date outfit. I just don't want you to be convinced that denim won't work for a date or only certain "casual" dates. That's silly. It won't work for the ballet, obvs.
some girls can't pull this off, but if you are improving yourself following Andrew's guidelines and you are working out, (improving your beauty).... you should be one of the girls that can. Believe in your ability to pull it off. Also...dark denim + red lips . YES!!!!
Make sure your butt looks good in those jeans. Best not to wear brown shoes and jeans for a date, now that's too casual.
question:
ReplyDeletea close friend has been dating a guy for about 6 months. She is definitely a 7/10. Not just saying that because we are friends, I actually don't like her too much (bitchy). She looks great with makeup done. She has a great complexion because she's Greek.
so her bf has been telling her from the very beginning not to put makeup on because he prefers her natural. tells her she doesn't need it. Can't be true . She looks great and does her makeup well. I work in the fashion industry. I see professional makeup artists all the time. I know what good makeup is. ..
So why does he tell her this? Is he mate guarding? He doesn't want her to look hot anymore because he doesn't want her to attract attention?
Similarly, my sister's ex used to get annoyed when he saw her getting done up. Asking her why she needed makeup if she had a bf.
My other friend's guy jokes about trying to get her fatter so she won't attract anyone else.
What do you think about this?
It is almost definitely jealousy, especially if she really does do a god job with the makeup.
Deletedefinitely mate guarding
DeleteThis post seems to be written from a woman's perspective. Wouldn't learning a man's perspective be more helpful to women?
ReplyDeleteTo wit:
1. First impressions matter far less than responsiveness after meeting.
2. The kind of men heavily made-up women attract are unlikely to care what she looks like after they get what they want from her. They won't stick around either.
3. Most men despise make-up on the women they love because most women make themselves up into nightclub tramps.
4. True, but not in the outdoorsy practical sense you're proposing. Men don't like women whose lives are dictated by their appearance because those women are selfish in a multitude of other ways too.
5. Men don't care any more about self-confident women than they do the opposite. Men care about women who respect them. Self-respect and straightforwardness also help.
6. He cares less about what you look like during sex than how you behave...and smell.
7. Truth and trust lead to intimacy, rather than just a naked face. For most men, a made-up face is garish once intimacy is established.
8. This is partially true. Men's expectations of hotness are attached to a woman's figure and her behaviour as well as facial attractiveness. A man will usually not change his opinion of a plump girl's 'hotness' simply with better make-up.
I'd also add one more item to the list.
9. If a man is worth keeping, he'll know that girls who wear makeup to change their appearance are practising deception.
Most men know that girls wearing makeup (and push-up bras for that matter) are deceiving them - just as savvy girls know when a PUA is trying to deceive them with Game (Game arose because men needed a way to level the playing field.) With or without Game, men worth keeping are aware that women who practice to deceive from the get-go are likely to do so in other ways as well, and are therefore poor choices for serious relationships. The made-up women in the pictures above are just that: made-up. Pretenders. Con artists. If you want an honest relationship with a quality man, use make-up only to accentuate, not deceive.
and smell? I shouldn't ask, but I have to know.....what do you mean?
Deletealso can you say more about the after ex behavior? I always feel extremely shy. Extremely. Sometimes I think it's a turnoff
DeleteJacob, you seem to have a pretty extreme view on the make-up topic. By saying women who wear makeup are con artists, you are alienating quite a large population of women. Yes, there are a minority of women (think British club-goers and college frat hoes) who do make themselves up to look like "tramps", but the women in the photos above are not wearing "trampy" makeup.
Delete(trampy makeup = http://apt46.net/wp-content/upload/snooki-make-up.jpg)
Jacob, Your list is full of projection. You are in the minority - at least in the united states. Your views would be closer to the norm in the religious Middle East or in some Latin countries, but not in the U.S.
DeleteI am not saying your opinions are wrong, but I am saying that they aren't representative of American men.
I see what you mean when you say, "A man will usually not change his opinion of a plump girl's 'hotness' simply with better make-up. " but I don't like how you isolate plump girls in your sentence. But in general it's true. I know that wearing make-up enhances what I have and doesn't push me up in the estimation of guys who probably wouldn't go for me anyway. That's okay because that's not the reason I wear make-up.
DeleteMost men seem to think 'make-up' equals a full clown face, without noticing that a woman could have ten products on her face and not look overdone. So when men say they don't like women who wear make-up, it's sometimes a half truth.
But there is some cultural variation. I'm from the UK and there are plenty of women who don't wear make-up at all. I have noticed that American women tend to be more 'done up' than British women in general, but that's an observation, not a criticism.
Actually shortblonde.. I think the first girl looks kind of trampy with that makeup. Too tan, very unnatural. Looks like she's either going to a frat party or do a weather report.
DeleteThe second one... I am too distracted by the horrible hair to notice the makeup. Looks like she's going to a wedding. In 1997. Definitely not an everyday look.
The third girl, I admit, looks great and classy. She already has great skin and looks even better in the done-up state. I think her hair and nice eyebrows are what makes her look good in the second photo. But the makeup is also well done.
Still, I think she would look great with her hair as in the second photo, and just a bit of gloss/blush.
hi andrew,
ReplyDeleteI've never worn makeup before, except for on halloween. I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend for five years. I take wonderful care of myself in every other way (skin care, lots of exercise, good diet, fashion, hairstyles, etc.) but when it comes to makeup i get really insecure about using it. I hate knowing that my face will never EVER be as pretty unless i wear makeup ... it's such a self-esteem blow. I'm reluctant to start wearing makeup now especially after 5 yrs of dating because I KNOW he will obviously think im much hotter with it on, and as a result, that just makes me even more depressed. Then once I take off the makeup at the end of the day, he would probably be like... "oh yeah, I forgot that you're not as pretty..."
If I were to start wearing makeup, sure, it would make him more attracted to me, but then once I take it off, he'd find my plain-face even LESS attractive than before because now he has something to compare it to.
You are less beautiful when you change out of a nice dress and slip into something more comfortable - why doesn't that bother you?
DeleteI think your insecurity about makeup is due to your inexperience with it, not with the principled reasons you give. Read the post about The Importance of Taking Fashion Risks, and consider how it applies to makeup in your situation.
Give it a shot for 6 months or a year and see how you like it. Don't knock it till you've tried it, as they say ;)
I'd add that maybe you're not confident about makeup because don't know how to use it. Go to a MAC store (not the counter in a department store--a freestanding store) or equivalent, and tell them you need help. They'll select the right products and colors for your complexion and demonstrate for you--make you up on the spot.
DeleteMAC is mostly a great place to get good makeup but DO NOT let them make you look cheap, that is sort of their thing. And I would also suggest going to Bare Escentuals for foundation because MAC's foundation is heavy and will lead to bad skin. Their liners/shadows/mascara/blush are all good though.
DeleteNo no no ...
ReplyDeleteFor Andrew & the guys:
ReplyDelete1) When we do makeup, do you prefer makeup that looks more natural (that you can't really tell the girl is wearing anything) or makeup that's not fake-but visible?
Example of natural makeup:http://theberry.com/2010/06/18/celebrities-that-dont-cake-on-makeup-9-photos/natural-makeup-7/
Example of visible makeup: http://www.fashionindie.com/kate-hudson-will-be-the-new-face-of-almay/
2) About your last point--how does the divergence between a girl without makeup and a girl with makeup work in guys' evaluation of their attractiveness? So, all else being equal, which would you chose, Girl A (7 without makeup, 8 with) or Girl B (6 without makeup, 9 with)?
Thanks!
the model is another example of natural makeup: http://nunaat.com/KARITE/
Delete1) I am fine with either one. I think the visible makeup is more appropriate for more formal occasions, but I wouldn't hold it against a girl if she wore it in the grocery store. As long as it works with her natural look, a little extra punch just adds some flare; it doesn't make it unattractive.
Delete2) I'd PREFER the girl who was an 8 without and a 9 with. Ha. But given your two options, I'd say it would depend how willing she was to wear her makeup frequently. If the 6-9 girl was willing to wear it often, I'd go with her. If she wasn't, I'd go with the 7-8 girl.
I find it really surprising that you would go with the 6 over the 7. Is it because you care about how other people will view her next to you when you are in public?
DeleteIt seems really important to some men that their girl is viewed as attractive to other men.
yes a lot of men get off to the idea of their girlfriend or wife as being a "trophy" this is why a lot of men like to boast about their sex life with their partner and also like when they're partner get's dolled up. personally, my partner doesn't mind me natural but having said that he does appreciate when i get dressed up especially if it's for him. I tend not to wear much makeup unless i'm going out to dinner, parties or if i feel like my skin is looking a bit dull.
Deleteat the end of the day the girl you end up with could be what you consider a 10 and your best mate might consider a 5. Men have different tastes and a lot of them don't have a 'type' either. I have met men that like olive skin with dark eyes, dark hair etc and some men who don't find olive skinned women attractive at all. some guys are crazy for redheads, some like blondes, some like the girl next door look and if your extra lucky some guys just like women as individuals.
personally I'm not a fan of this article I don't like the message it's putting across and i think this is the very reason that many women are uncomfortable in their natural skin. i do feel more confident with a face of makeup however I still feel like I'm naturally beautiful with none on me.
"personally I'm not a fan of this article I don't like the message it's putting across"
DeleteThe message being put across is that if you want to be more attractive to men, then understand what men find attractive and do that! Seems pretty logical to me. (If you don't want to be more attractive to men, then you're on the wrong blog.)
Believe me, men need this advice too. If a man wants to be more attractive to women, he needs to find out what women actually find attractive, and then do that.
Accept reality.
So glad you're here telling the truth.
ReplyDeleteWhile eating lunch once with a group of friends, a guy friend of mine once commented that he loves when women are "natural" and makeup-free, and referred to our friend Mya as an example. Mya laughed- she had spent twenty minutes doing her makeup that morning! She just happened to choose a paler, less obvious palette that day, but was still fully done-up.
On a related note, sometimes another girl friend of mine goes without makeup. She gets irritated at the fact that every time she doesn't put any on, people are concerned, asking her if she's tired or not feeling well, noting her sullen appearance.
I ever met a man that I liked. First time met him I was messed up. Didn't wear make up even face powder. My hair messed up too. But communication with him was great at first time because of work concern and then friendship. Then at second time meeting, I wore natural make up and natural hair style with natural sporty feminine clothes and shoes.
ReplyDeleteGuess what ? He was surprised and me too. I didn't expect he amazed to see me like that. Cause I was still look natural with less make up. I was happy and he was happy too. It helped to lead to great conversation and we had same interest so it was great moment with him. How he looked at me so differently, not in lust thing but amazed and happy.
I was happy that he saw me first with no make up no hair style, really mess up performance then I could make me happy to see me with natural make up. He is A plus guy so it was great experience for me cause I'm just an ordinary woman.
Good skin care is essential and the basics of looking beautiful. Now matter how great a girl's features are, if her skin is jacked then her overall attractiveness goes down the tubes. From my experience men love a woman with smooth flawless skin. Clear skin is actually rare these days because so many women are neglectful. They use make up as a crutch. Once a woman reaches 25 years old, she needs to have a good skin care regimen in place. The key to healthy skin is preventative care, facials every few weeks, and visits to the dermatologist if needed. In fact a woman with smooth flawless skin doesn't need much make up at all and won't look bad if she goes barefaced.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Good skin is the most important. Don't need big effort to change look with make up if has good skin.
DeleteI attracted a man that I liked with good skin with natural make up and he liked it much. When we met and also my natural picture, he liked them.
I was glad I didn't have to put fake make up and did much effort with make up to attract him.
I agree. I don't tend to wear foundation on a daily basis, and at the very most I'll wear BB cream, and that's because a full base doesn't suit my needs. I spend a lot of time on my skincare and change it over for different seasons to make sure that my skin looks its best in the conditions. I think the look of natural clear skin outstrips the look of a foundation face any day. No matter how well I blend it, it's always possible to tell that I'm wearing it. I reserve foundation for evenings where the lighting makes it look more subtle.
DeleteI can't go without at least mascara though, because it really makes me look awake. Sometimes I'll wear a natural eyeshadow, subtle bronzer and a light blush. Eyeliner really brings out my dark brown eyes and I know the make up tricks to make them look bigger.
Eh, even with great skin you usually need to define your other features. Personally I am fair and blonde. I have long curly eyelashes that you can't see without mascara, likewise my eyebrows and almost non existent unless I fill them in. You don't need to have cat eye every day but working the right lines and shadows into your face takes little time and goes a long way.
DeleteGood skin is important, but no woman should leave the house without concealer and a bit of mineral powder and blush. No matter in how great condition the skin is, there will always be different color pigmentation on different areas of your face. Every woman needs concealer around her eyes and nostrils.
DeleteUm, no they don't, anon. Concealor under the eyes looks cakey almost always, and bad.
DeleteNot all women need concealer but it is lifesaver if you DO need it and know how to use it effectively with the right concealer for the purpose at hand. If you use a solid concealer from a pot or tube under eye..yes, it is going to look cakey and shit. Those kinds of concealers are designed for the covering of blemishes such as acne on the face and they settle into ANY fine lines and wrinkles. Also, you are damaging the delicate skin under your eye through the action of blending these tough consistencies. You need to use a liquid concealer from a pen that blends easily for eyes..I use Clinique Airbrush Concealer. I use just a tiny bit in the dark area between the eyes and nose, the outer corner of the eye and any dark areas under the eye. Small amounts go a long way.
DeleteAnon: no, it doesn't. Every "make up free" celebrity you see is wearing concealer. When it's done right, it looks like you're wearing nothing. It makes a major difference. Just because you don't know how to apply it, doesn't mean professionals don't.
DeleteRe:concealer under the eyes. Some people need it not matter how much sleep they get, more of a function of genetics. I don't get dark circles but the skin around my eyes is very light and my eyes are deep set so I get a bit of a shadow. I actually use a slightly darker shade to fight the shadow. benefit makes excellent concealers that are versatile, you can use the same on blemishes as you do under your eyes and even with the best skin, most of see one or two zits when we are PMSing.
DeleteUm, no, anon. Not everyone needs to wear concealor, and I can always tell when they are. I don't know how to apply it because guess what? I don't need to wear it! Sorry if that offends you!!
DeleteAlso, wearing a lot of foundation and concealor makes your skin break out more. I used to wear it every day and I had bad skin. Now I don't wear much face makeup, other than a bit of powder, and my skin is blemish-free. Maybe some women NEED to wear makeup to cover imperfections...many of us don't! sorry!!
DeleteHah you's are fighting over concealer. I think concealer is great irregardless if someone needs it or not if it allows them to feel better about themselves. Many would argue that I don't NEED the extra help either but I like to use foundations and concealers because I enjoy the whole process of buying them, trying new ones out and applying them, etc..it makes me feel more feminine. That's just me. What work for one woman may not for another but there's no denying that these items give confidence to some women and that's the main thing.
Delete@Julia - Yeah I know a few lines and shadows help define my face. I still try not to do that so often though because I prefer the no-make-up look. However I'm a recent convert to wearing mascara everyday and gradually getting into more of a routine with my face. You still won't get me doing full face foundation though. And I'm confident in knowing that it won't affect my chances with men. Although I've changed my look and lost about 30 lbs, I actually think part of the reason I'm getting more attention now is more due to my demeanor and radiance (been a lot more happy recently and it shines through).
DeleteI don't think concealer is always necessary. My skin tone is slightly uneven but not badly at the moment since I've been using treatments. I also live near the Scottish Highlands and lack of sunny weather and population means my skin has kept in fairly good condition. I use a cucumber eye gel on my eyes in the morning and I'm good to go.
It sucks for us girls with hormonal acne :(
DeleteYou seem to prefer a more heavily made-up look. That’s fine; like every other aspect of attraction this too is subjective. Most men I know like a ‘natural’ look. To some this means absolutely NO makeup, no exceptions. To the majority it means that subtle enhancement is appreciated and is far favorable to a full face of pancake. The men of my acquaintance who go for the plastic, done-up aesthetic tend invariably to be players and dudebros, or otherwise watch a lot of porn.
ReplyDeleteI get that the aim of this blog is to teach women how to maximize their appeal to the largest number of men, and makeup — when done well — will certainly help them do so. That said, I was taught that makeup is an art that requires a light hand. It should accentuate, not deceive. A man should not feel misled or disappointed the next morning after the mask has come off on the pillow. To that end, while it is useful for a woman to know how to apply makeup to highlight her best features, it might be to greater benefit to invest in a good canvas.
I wear little to no makeup in my daily life. Never have. Maybe I’ve just always been confident in my looks, but I have felt no need despite the constant barrage of cosmetic advertisements and peer pressure starting as early as high school. I have not suffered for male attention. Total strangers — both men and women — often stop me on the street to pay me a compliment (some have even been extravagantly flattering!). My beauty routine is simple, and hugely effective for getting the most of what you were born with:
* Take care of your skin. This is your greatest asset. Heavy foundation — both the wearing and washing off of — damages and ages skin, creating a vicious cycle that will reinforce the necessity of makeup. If you are young, you already have youth on your side; you shouldn’t even need to cover up. Your skin wants to breathe; let it. Drink plenty of water. Get plenty of sleep. Cut out the junk food and sugar and eat more green stuff. Don’t ‘wash’ or scrub your face, just use water and seal in with a gentle, natural moisturizer as needed.
* Take care of your hair. Seriously, you’d be surprised how far healthy, attractively styled hair can take you.
* Take care of your eyebrows. Trust me on this. Eyebrows are often overlooked; no guy ever says to his wingman: “Damn! Check out the BROWS on that babe!” But NOTHING will do more to immediately improve your look than eyebrow grooming. Eyebrows frame the face. They can make or break the illusion of symmetry. Don’t overpluck. Don’t draw them on (though do invest in a good brow powder one shade darker than your hair color). I might even go so far as to encourage you to get your brows professionally threaded. They’re that important in my opinion.
* Curl your eyelashes. Eyelash curlers are inexpensive and give you big bang for your buck. Curled lashes open the eyes, making them appear larger and more attractive. Essential to achieving the classic doe-eyed look. A light coat of mascara will help hold the curl.
It amounts to little more than dedicated basic grooming and hygiene: clear skin; nice hair; symmetrical brows; curled lashes with light mascara. Easy peasy. Keep in shape, mind your posture, cultivate some fashion sense—you’ll be good to go! When I want to polish my look more I might dab some concealer under my eyes (if necessary), swipe some blush across my cheek and some gloss across my lips. I never wear any kind of foundation unless it’s evening and I am going to a party or event where I expect to have my picture taken (I’m fair skinned and camera flash washes me out). I then prefer a light mineral powder. I rarely wear eyeliner or shadow, which can create a dramatic and alluring effect, but isn’t really suited to an everyday look in my opinion.
Some examples of the minimalist, 'natural' look done extremely well:
Delete1) http://24.media.tumblr.com/af06e87dd69b54bd7543b1fb18086edb/tumblr_mje0nqRFFK1s2stnio1_400.jpg
2) http://24.media.tumblr.com/c121ea15a7f760e36019abd1e55b47f1/tumblr_mje0nqRFFK1s2stnio2_500.jpg
3) http://25.media.tumblr.com/bfc443a162ddf19a4fb18647995b54d5/tumblr_mje0nqRFFK1s2stnio3_500.jpg
4) http://25.media.tumblr.com/f00c8c69e9ac0659555d14b872341612/tumblr_mje0nqRFFK1s2stnio6_400.jpg
5) http://25.media.tumblr.com/ff9ff1d17bd3ed33a0cf75fc27754866/tumblr_mjdzrrZf441s2stnio1_500.jpg
6) http://25.media.tumblr.com/da23637ea6862bb00268a9007531db00/tumblr_mjdzo9yl1X1s2stnio4_500.jpg
7) http://24.media.tumblr.com/3d7b2d5aa4d802eacc0999b140e1f02e/tumblr_mjc5r5MMX11s2stnio4_500.jpg
8) http://25.media.tumblr.com/3c1afa9745b4b57416539e7f6aa9fe06/tumblr_mjc5r5MMX11s2stnio3_400.jpg
9) http://media-cache-ec6.pinterest.com/736x/7e/85/12/7e85126fc694fbfb48161e5ad28b6c92.jpg
10) http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/736x/a8/56/6e/a8566ea31776f2a953e648c7622e39da.jpg
11) http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/736x/c7/3c/b7/c73cb7cd05e54c84d0e767eb9b5e133a.jpg
12) http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/736x/e0/c1/56/e0c15660371b907ff5fe6c53ad226e70.jpg
13) http://media-cache-lt0.pinterest.com/736x/ae/94/6b/ae946b2446288711ff32b8ed9630bbca.jpg
14) http://media-cache-ec3.pinterest.com/736x/67/ce/70/67ce70c4b3b0fd40942eedcee0a1e746.jpg
15) http://www.hoerspieler-muenchen.de/imogen-poots-2.jpg
16) http://images1.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Olivia-Wilde-Jenny-the-black-donnellys-847076_655_1023.jpg
Sorry but most of those pictures show the women wearing a ton of makeup. Especially Megan Fox. It's obvious.
DeleteYes, they are all wearing makeup. Some of the looks are subtler than others, but I had wanted to illustrate the wide range of looks possible within the 'natural' palette which I believe these all conform to (no smoky eyes or heavy shadows; minimal liner; colors that don't veer wildly from nature, etc.).
Delete-Liv (whose iPad won't let her sign a name)
But all these girls in the example are wearing more makeup than what you recommended in your original post.
DeleteI have a similar routine as you. I moisturize my face daily, and sometimes wear and little blush and lip gloss. My skin tone is even enough at my ripe age of 28... I never feel the need for foundation, unless I'm going somewhere formal and i do the whole foundation and eye makeup thing.
Example of good skin, groomed eyebrows.. not much makeup necessary:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GEwmEjSbQ9M/ULZULZFXxdI/AAAAAAAAAbU/4EtShUE9fY0/s1600/Adriana_Lima_No_Makeup.jpg
I think she has the curled eye lashes going on... I should try that.
I think a bigger impact than wearing makeup is hair. I have long hair and I wear it down 90 percent of the time.
DeleteThe exceptional circumstances that I wear it up are playing sports, or...if for some reason have no access to hair styling tools...
Example wearing your hear down, and a smile, you can look good without makeup for most ruitine things...
Deletehttp://izismile.com/2009/12/28/jessica_simpson_without_make-up_9_pics-1.html
and here's ms simpson with full celeb style makeup...
http://celebsnetworth.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/JESSICA-SIMPSON-NET-WORTH2.jpg
Sally, your Adriana example is a great one. My pictures were really meant to be more illustrative of the sort of makeup look I aspire to when I do doll up ('natural' but 'enhanced', which I think is what most women strive for in a daily look and what most men prefer). My two posts were meant to be one but the second was cut off in posting and originally better clarified that the examples were of what I felt a good naturalistic style of makeup to be.
DeleteFor strictly non-madeup examples that are more reflective of my original recommendations, the best reference would perhaps be Polaroid headshots of professional models in their 'blank canvas' state:
http://izismile.com/2010/04/22/louis_vuitton_paris_fw2010_casting.html
(How gorgeous is Emily Didonato?)
And some more Adriana because one can never get enough:
http://adrianalima7.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/adriana-lima-without-makeup_1.jpg
http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/hollywoodbuzz/default/adriana-lima-without-makeup--large-msg-134961356345.jpg
-Liv
http://images.topiat.com/images/118876/originals/121420121337/emily-didonato-without-make-up.jpg
DeleteClear skin, shaped and groomed brows, curly lashes.
I was trying to figure out why the girl in Andrew's last example looked so much plumper to me in the before pic, and I think it's because in the second she's wearing her hair down which slims the neck and face.
-Liv
Yeah, emily looks good in that photo, but she would look better with her hair down!
DeleteThe before and after examples are great, definite motivators to continue wearing makeup regularly.
ReplyDeleteIt can be really easy to slip into a rut and think that it doesn't make a difference, but teaching high school has provided me with not-so-subtle reminders of how much of a difference hair/makeup have, simply because high school students lack the filter that most adults possess. For instance, the day I put my hair in a bun because it wasn't cooperating, and one of my male students asked with genuine concern why I had my hair up, and if I "wasn't feeling well." Even more extreme, one of the few days I've ever gone to school without makeup one of my classes was trying to figure out why I looked so different when one of my female students loudly announced that it was because I hadn't filled in my eyebrows that day. Definitely put on blast, but it kept me in check, appearance-wise.
Haha that is interesting. True, kids that age don't have a filter - though they don't always think the same way grown men do, so I'd take their outbursts with a grain of salt (which I am sure you do).
DeleteI have big blue eyes. One day I didn't wear eye makeup and had pulled an all-nighter. I come into class and my prof told me I looked like I was "tripping balls on LSD." Thanks, professor.
DeleteAndrew, I like that you conveyed that making an effort with make-up has a limit and can go too far. It makes me not worry so much about looking perfect in order to be considered attractive.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this statement too: "The more you allow yourself to enjoy looking beautiful, the less you will resent the "need" to do so, and the more comfortable you will feel when you don't." I have been making an effort to make my everyday look better and it has become routine now so I don't notice it, and it hasn't turned obsessive. Actually it makes me feel great because I know I'm practicing good self-care and gives me a great buzz for starting the day.
Its absolutely worth the time to make yourself feel pretty. I feel better when I am with my guy, when I am in a meeting, having coffee by myself....
DeleteI know what you mean. Since I've started wearing make-up more, I feel like my general well-being is better and I feel more confident.
DeleteThis is unrelated, but I'd really like a response (or even post) on it.
ReplyDeleteWhat are the best ways for a woman to communicate that she is looking for something serious, as in a life partner? I'm not just talking about withholding sex, filter after red flags etc. to communicate you want a relationship. I mean communicating that you are looking for marriage down the road, and not too far down the road.
I'm 22 and most girls my age fall into one of two categories. The first are those looking to have fun, travel, focus on their careers and perhaps have some flings along the way. The second are those who look for relationships, but not necessarily ending in marriage. Typically they'll be in a relationship for 4 years, or perhaps two of 2 years each, either they marry someone in their late twenties or stay single.
It has become so common that it seems guys assume it is the case. Where I'm from, the average age of first marriage is slightly above 30 for men and late twenties for women. I am the only woman I know who'd love to be married by the time I'm 25. I don't want to spend years "dating" or being engaged either - I read that men on average propose after 19 months.
It seems to me that a woman, these days, has to communicate that she is different than others, especially if she lives in a feminist culture. I honestly think you have to be pretty clear when expressing it. Other than acting like a decent woman, what are the best ways for a woman to communicate that she actually would prefer to settle down in her early to mid twenties?
Oh my god, I really really want to hear Andrew's approach on this. I am also in the same boat. I'm a year younger than you and have no desire for flings or short-term anything. I am anticipating engagements really soon, but if I am going to date, its going to be taken seriously-as in marriage or commitment is my goal. I am #2. Funny, one girl once told me women fall in two categories as well: the girl you hook up with and the girl you marry.
DeleteAnd I cannot emphasize how much I agree with the last bit of your post. Figuring out how to communicate in our feminist culture. It's sad that its shocking to people my age that I prefer relationships over flings. It used to be so normal. I too would LOVE to know advice on how to date seriously in their early 20s. Especially since this feminist wave of: screw relationships, lets behave like men. It's hard to be old-fashioned these days. It's so "weak" to have emotional needs and want to be feel protected by men and that you want a loving relationship, not just sex.
A guy who is looking to get married knows within 18 months or so whether or not he wants to marry you. A guy who is not looking to get married won't know this. If he isn't ready to have a serious conversation about marriage by that time, kick him to the curb.
DeleteI agree with Joe but I would actually put the time frame at something like 6-12 months.I have some other things to say about this so I will do a post.
DeletePlease post this soon Andrew! x
DeleteSix to twelve months. And all this time I thought two years would be the maximum I would wait.
Deleteyou can't know anyone in 6 months. Its a great idea if you are looking to get divorced in a few years.
DeleteYeah, I'd be interested to read a post on this Andrew!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteJulia, I think Andrew believes that a guy knows within 6-12 months whether or not you are marriage material. I don't disagree with that, but I don't think a guys can know you well enough in that time to know whether or not he actually wants to marry you. However, I do think by 18 months he should know. If he doesn't know by 18 months, he needs a kick in the pants.
DeleteI've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months and the one thing I am certain of is I have no idea if I want to marry him. We simply don't know each other well enough. People can be overcome with chemistry and usually can't see clearly in a new relationship for 6-24 months. I think 2 years is a good amount of time to date before you get engaged but certainly anything under a year is a recipe for future divorce.
Deletei know of several people who dated for WEEKS before tying the knot and have been married 20+ years, it's not a "recipe for divorce" at all. i am currently engaged, my fiance made it clear he was interested in marrying me after we had been dating for ~4 months, though we didn't get engaged until we had been dating for a little over 2 years. i suspect it would have happened a lot sooner if we had already been finished with college and had steady jobs. you should definitely know where things are heading within a year.
DeleteFunny, one girl once told me women fall in two categories as well: the girl you hook up with and the girl you marry.
ReplyDelete-and they same can be said for men.
Great post, Andrew. I love this website (blog?). Keep up the good work, on behalf of womankind, or at least myself :).
ReplyDeleteI was at a Starbucks one weekend and a guy and I ended up talking. We had a great conversation and so we had dinner that same night. Afterwards he gave me a hug. Is this normal for a guy to hug a stranger? A sign of romantic interest? Or just friendly gesture? Normally, I have my makeup done, but that day, my makeup was on the light side. Maybe it's a self-confidence issue, but it seems strange that a guy would be interested in me when I wasn't looking my very best.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I met another random guy at another Starbucks who hugged me after talking to me as well. All this hugging, is it normal?
Don’t waste your time in interpreting what these hugs could mean. If these guys really wanted you, they would have asked for your number and tried to see you again.
DeleteBut keep on drinking your coffee in Starbucks! It seems, it is a lucky place for you :-)
In my experience, a guy will hug you (instead of kissing you) at the end of a date if it is the first time you are meeting (i.e. blind date, met-online date). In your case it makes sense, since you met that day. A hug in this case is not usually a reflection of his interest, but more so a reflection that he feels it's not appropriate to kiss someone he just met. If he asks to see you again, he's interested.
DeleteI agree with ShortBlonde. Unless the date went horribly bad, a hug on a first date is generally safe. I would venture a guess that unless a person had crazy chemistry (and beware of crazy chemistry) with their date, most people wouldn't be comfortable kissing on a first date. If he asks to see you again, and gives you a hug and a kiss, then he's interested.
DeleteI give a hug and cheek kiss at the beginning of a date! If I guy doesn't kiss me I usually doubt he is interested (though I've been wrong.) But for me I definitely hug and cheek kiss at the beginning, I feel its warm, flirty and feminine. Plus who wants to shake hands with someone you might sleep with one day?
DeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteCould you perhaps write a post about how one should go about "defining a relationship"? Should a girl bring it up? If so, how?
In some ways, I would want the guy to bring up the issue of commitment and starting a relationship, but if this isn't the norm, what should a girl do?
wait for a guy to do it. Feminine energy means being receptive and letting a man lead. If a man wants a relationship with you he will know but if after a few months he hasn't, he's probably in it for a casual fun.
DeleteI don't see why a woman should have to wait for the guy to ask. There's only so long you can wait around before forcing an answer out of a guy (if it isn't otherwise wise to simply walk away). I have done that lots of times and I'm not afraid to spin the tables on the guy if he isn't being up front. That's cool. If the guy's intimidated by that, he's not the bloke for me.
Deletei try to wait until he does it, but if he wont after two months I would pull a fade out to see if it matters to him. if it doesn't, fade out becomes ghost out aka cut him off.
DeleteIf you have to ask... forget about it!
DeleteIf the guy I am currently seeing has said that "we are a couple" and that "we are together" when talking to other people, does that mean he is my boyfriend? We haven't explicitly talked about it defining the relationship and I just don't want to presume...
DeleteNot exactly. You are his girlfriend. YOU determine whether or not he is your boyfriend.
DeleteThere are ways for changing appearances for real.
ReplyDeleteBecause from evolution standpoint, men like to pick women who are "fertile" from physical appearance indications. Such as healthy skin, hourglass figure, which implies good fertilities.
And the traits like that can be really obtained rather than "faked". Most men do NOT like significant plastic surgeries because they entail that the beautiful traits are faked. Since skin make ups have limited effects, men may be ok with this when it is slight.
There are ways to fundamentally improve lookings for real. If a woman can really change the body shape from obese figure into an hourglass, for example, then there is no need to worry how to dress to cover up a fatty belly and appear to have a nice butt. Instead, any type of dress can make one pretty. And the dress that reveals the beautiful figure rather than cover them up can be sexier. Tricks to trick eyes into believing the figure is good would no longer to necessary.
As for skin complexions, if a woman can ensure enough sleep every day, and healthy body, and regularly sweaty exercises, and nice nutritions, and good mental states, then the complextions can improve, and unlike improved by faked make ups, they will improve for real better qualities.
With that being said, some make ups can make women more competitive in lookings. Because real nice figures and high quality skins have to be earned by lots of efforts. But make ups can change them rapidly in short term. When time is short, make ups can give women a quick boost in lookings when going out to see guys. But I think smarter strategies should be for women to focus on improving lookings for real instead.
Total bs, but then again, I don't need to wear much makeup. I actually look worse with more than a little bit on. If you actually leave the US and travel to European countries like France, you will see gorgeous women everywhere who don't wear pounds of makeup.
ReplyDeletewrong. I've been all over Europe. women wear makeup too. granted, they may be better at it.
DeleteThe idea is not to wear tons of make-up or look fake or whatever. The idea is to wear make-up to enhance your features, dress to suit your shape, eat right and exercise for your own self-improvement. Why not aim to be hot?
ReplyDeleteA better you increases your confidence and consequently makes you more desirable to the opposite sex.
Aim to be hot? Sorry, but you either have it, or you don't. If you don't, a pound of makeup won't help you.
DeleteWhilst I don't think I can be 'hot', I can't see any issue with my trying to look my best. No problem as long as I don't get delusional. And I don't think 'you either have it or you don't' is useful to most people. Most people aren't hot. Most people are shades in-between. I'm pretty relaxed about my status.
DeleteBy hot I was saying to be your best. I also agree with Lucy – not everyone is born hot. Sure, some have nicer physical features than others. But at the end of the day the way you dress, behave, whether you exercise regularly, take care of your body, etc can increase / decrease define your hotness factor.
DeleteComments to point #6:
ReplyDeleteHow should it work in practice? During the passional sex the make-up of my eyes will get smeared and I will look like a witch. After a few kisses the color of my lipstick will disappear completely from my lips. My hair will lose in bed its form and style. And instead of the taste of my skin he will get the taste of the chemistry. Who really wants this?
^ exactly. A perfect, full face of make up is hardly compatible with uninhibited, passionate sex.
Deletetwo words... liquid liner.
Deletemore words:
Try not to wear black eye shadow or colors other than browns/taupes. Those actually look good when they smudge a bit. depending on your skin tone.
I think the after sex is face is just as sexy as full makeup. Your lipstick may come off, but your lips will be the perfect shade of deep pink after a passionate makeout.
natural blush on your cheeks... you get the idea.
there is no reason your liquid liner should smudge... or am i wrong?? (?!)
as far as the hairstyle goes... don't do anything too complicated. if you do the hairstyles that Andrew suggests on this blog it should be fine.
Here's a post sex tip... fluff out your hair so that it doesnt fall flat. rake your fingertips through the roots and give the a little shake or carry a few bobby pins and put them in to give it some shape.
you can also toss it all to one side and keep it close to your face like so:
Sexy in Bed
I have clearly given this too much thought...let me just excuse myself....
Even Hollywood stars look horrible without make up but their husband/boyfriend are still with them. Just human being.
ReplyDeleteNews flash: women are not ornaments. It disappoints me tremendously that women actually read your advice and take heed.
ReplyDeleteNews flash: Most women like to look beautiful and like attracting men. If that's not you, I'm not sure why you're here.
DeleteNews flash, Annette. Some women are beautiful without even trying and they don't care if they attract men or not...but the men flock to them. Funny how that works.
DeleteNewsflash Anon is a hater.
Deletelmfao at these comments! ^^^
DeleteAnon, if you think this post means that "women are ornaments," you obviously have reading comprehension problems.
DeleteLol at these
DeleteAnonymous, I'm with ya 100%. F these stupid b*****es. You have the right answer.
Delete"News flash, Annette. Some women are beautiful without even trying and they don't care if they attract men or not...but the men flock to them. Funny how that works."
DeleteNews flash. Those women are lucky to have their natural beauty. Not all women are so lucky. Many women benefit a great deal from makeup.
I agree with Anon, this article is so stupid. Women are more than just their appearance, and any guy who thinks that their girlfriend looks "better" with makeup doesn't even deserve a girlfriend. The men who agree with this misogynist article are dumb pigs, just like the author.
DeleteYou are stupid, and probably unattractive. Stupid because that's not exclusively what Andrew is saying. Unattractive because you've probably failed to realize how makeup can enhance your appearance. There are two things that can prevent a woman from enhancing her appearance with makeup: ineptness or incorrectable unattractiveness that even makeup can't fix.
DeleteI don;t always agree w Andrew, but he's right on this one.
"any guy who thinks that their girlfriend looks "better" with makeup doesn't even deserve a girlfriend"
DeleteSurely you're not serious. Any woman looks better with some makeup, when it's done right. Why else would women use it? Why would celebrities spend 3 hours in makeup before shoots or appearances? Because it makes a significant difference in her appearance.
Why are women "just their beauty" or not their beauty at all? Why is it one or the other? So all rich men are assholes or all confident men are stupid?
People are complex. Men like women that are beautiful AND have great personalities. You'd feel less defensive if you put effort into your appearance.
I wish I could wear makeup but my husband hates makeup. He says that he isn't turned on by illusions. What should I do?
ReplyDeleteMy first guess is that you aren't good at your makeup, which is why he "doesn't like it." Have you had a stylist teach you how to do makeup or read books about it? If not, then this is a likely candidate.
DeleteHowever, it IS possible that a man can dislike the idea of makeup so much (through some kind of cultural bias that says women shouldn't paint their faces) that he will dislike it on principal, even though it undeniably makes you look better. In this case, there isn't much you can do. I would let it go and look for happiness elsewhere within the relationship.
You could also be dealing with some combination of the two, in which case I would say you should try improving your makeup to the point that he finds it attractive enough to overcome his prejudice.
the essence of makeup is to accentuate the good and hide the bad. Not to change you dramatically (unless you are going out maybe want to have a sexier look for fun).
Deletefocus on foundation, concealer, a little liner and mascara to highlight the eyes. maybe a lip stain for lips but nothing too crazy. bring out your positive features, and fix the flaws, which everyone has. I doll up my eyes to compensate for my thin lips.
I was responding to his word usage "illusions". Sounds like you are completely changing your face. Don't do that! He clearly loves your natural face as he should. But as a bonus, you can add a little more beauty with makeup.
Deletehow awkward that I was anonymous and then forgot to change my name.
Deletecould it be that he is a jealous man?
DeleteAlso.... why can't you wear it? Don't wear it around him. I still would, even if he didn't like it. I would just keep a clean face around him. Makeup is kind o fun. I don't always wear it to attract men.
I've worn some wild makeup that I know won't attract any men, but it's conceptual... for my particular outfit.
I respectfully disagree at the possibility of her being bad at wearing makeup. If she attracted her man at first when she was wearing make-up, it's possible that she could be doing a good job. Like the other posters said, he could be just the jealous type or is against makeup in general.
DeleteI do look better with makeup (which is why I want to wear it) but he dislikes makeup on principal. I was comfortable with this when I was younger, as I felt confident enough to go without it, but now I am starting to have less confidence in my natural face and I am itching to start wearing makeup, especially since every other woman in the world wears it, and I feel like they all look much prettier than me.
ReplyDeleteYou don't get it.Explain why we see a beautiful car and you see a rust bucket.Women see awesome flowers we see the lawnmower ten rows down.We are not made like you.
DeleteFor those of you who are confused (or maybe a bit intimidated) about make-up please check out Carmindy's videos.
ReplyDeleteI know she is a celebrity make-up artist and some of you may be rolling your eyes, but her 5-minute face is an excellent primer for more advanced make-up looks and a great natural everyday look (not this "pound of make-up" some of you are referring to). You still look like you, just letting the best features show. Since we know men are visual- why wouldn't you want to make a great first impression? That's like going on a job interview and telling your prospective employer why you wouldn't be a good fit.
At the very least, look at Carmindy at the beginning of the video with no make-up. She's good looking. But when she puts her make-up her best features are enhanced.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT2NEGKSq3s
Andrew-You say that some men prefer their women without makeup, because they are lying or the woman isn't doing it correctly. I think that some men just don't want other men looking at their girlfriend when she looks her best. I've seen controlling men tell their women to do the exact opposite of what you're recommending women to do with their looks. One man even told me, "I don't like it when my girlfriend wears tight clothes. That stuff is for me, and not for other guys to drool over her."
ReplyDeleteThis article is ridiculous. No offense, but that is an unrealistic thing to ask of someone. You wear makeup because it makes you feel better about yourself, not because a man will hold you to a higher standard if you do. It's not my sole purpose in life to actively change myself to please a man. If he doesn't like it, he can take a hike (and obviously not worth it). Misogyny at it's finest, ladies and gents.
ReplyDeleteI don't prefer women with makeup. Unless they have some sort of disfigurement, I actually find their natural look (not as in natural makeup) more beautiful. Why can't you believe that? Even those women that do it correctly, as in your photos, look better to me without makeup.
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons why I was attracted to my wife was because she didn't wear make-up, a rare thing these days.
ReplyDeleteWomen lie about everthing.You give bad advice.
ReplyDeleteWhy should it be all about men? If I wanna go natural I'm gonna go natural. I don't give a flying fuck what men think. I don't wear makeup for them. I wear it for me.
ReplyDeleteEarth to readers, this is Andrew's fantasy to help him find the right woman. Wear whatever you want, when you want it. If you are skinny or fat enjoy your life and do the best you can with what you have and can afford to. Andrew may not be attracted to you, but from what I can tell, that's probably a GOOD thing.
DeleteExactly my thoughts! Some men really do need to stop thinking that the world revolves around HIS preferences. Putting on makeup isn't about lying or being dishonest. It's about self-expression, it's about having fun. It's about painting my eyelids the colours of a butterfly's wing because I feel like being a work of art that day - and in no way would I think that I would be attracting a man if I did that.
Delete"Why should it be all about men? If I wanna go natural I'm gonna go natural. I don't give a flying fuck what men think."
DeleteUmmm you realize this blog is about attracting men right?
"I don't wear makeup for them. I wear it for me."
Utter BS. So you often dress up all sexy and put on makeup and then stay home by yourself and read a book? It's for you right?
What a totally sad ass blog man, both men and women here are just full of stereotypes and weird projections. Oh well, I guess the narrow mindedness would explain why u peepz hav no partners.. good luck yall.
ReplyDeleteAll that money you spend on makeup, you could have used on a dermatologist and other ways to make yourself prettier without makeup! Sure, makeup might still help even after all that, but at least then you'd know you don't need it. Why insist using slimming clothes, if you can just lose weight.
ReplyDeleteMost women do both. People should strive to be their best self. That includes taking care of your body and enhancing your features-with make up. As for how much make up you use, it is up to personal preference. But most men like women who take care of themselves on most fronts. And you will find that most women deemed 'hot' such as models or actresses wear makeup.
DeleteIf most women did both properly, they'd look better in those "before makeup" photos. If women did both, the beauty industry would quit selling ineffective, outright lying products (yet most of them are crap). With cosmetic skin products being what they are, I'm convinced most women are cosmetic-illiterate.
DeleteOh....MY God.... I cannot believe my eyes. I can't. Who is the total ASS HAT that wrote this??? Andrew? You couldn't be more male chauvinistic. I don't think you've ever contemplated using your, what I will call, rules on yourself have you? Hey, why don't you try it. I'd like to see men going through all the "look great" processes every day as well. Most men I see, would actually look "their best" with a full face of makeup on too!!! You make me sick you shallow San Diego bred spoiled mommy's boy. Get your face out of the porn and perhaps normal and natural women will look great too. What a joke. Don't listen to this clown ladies!
ReplyDeleteDon't be ridiculous blaker999. Most men want looks and personality. And most women use both in becoming attracted to men, as well. If you don't care about looks, then stop reading. Maybe natural is just due to your own laziness? Idk. Either way, there will be non-natural hot woman being ogled by every man as you sit on the sidelines with your martini.
Delete"natural is just due to your own laziness" LOL who cares what men think. honestly. if you are with a guy that is going to check out other girls because you didnt decide spending hours putting on makeup, doing "feminine" stuff, then he is not worth having anyways. Id rather look awful but have a genuine guy that doesnt care about all that stuff and wont make you do it to "please him" that is just so selfish.
DeleteI wish these "rules" were a joke and most of the comments above were too. Stop wasting your money and time on the beauty industrial complex and start focusing on something that really matters. And to Andrew, one person is not a "reliable source" speaking for all men in the world. Make-up (hair products and nail polish) are often toxic and detrimental to animals and the environment. Think of what else you could be doing with all the time and money you save and who knows who or what else, by not doing your self up all the time. Please, don't be so vapid and vain. Make-up doesn't make you feminine. God made each of us beautiful. Stop trying to artificially alter it.
ReplyDeleteYou look so ignorant right now it's incredible. Who are you to tell anyone else how to live our lives? It's just the truth...if you cannot handle it, get off of this page. Granted, you are right, in the fact that one person cannot speak for all the men in the world. But look at the majority of men..they ogle over hot made up women. That's enough right there to prove that obviously a lot of men agree with him. Anyways, make up and nail polish by itself is not detrimental to animals. The cosmetic companies who test products over and over again on animals are the ones who are hurting them, not the products themselves. I hope to god you don't drive a car, because gas is much worse for the environment and has killed more animals than any lipstick ever will. And just think about our economy...you think it's bad now? If the cosmetic companies were not around we would be even worse off. Just a few things to think about before you rant to someone in person and completely embarrass yourself.
DeleteSo what if doing makeup and our hair makes us feel more feminine and beautiful? What's it matter to you? If I was not spending money on makeup I would probably not being doing anything better with it and I doubt many other women would either so stop trying to tell anyone where to spend our hard earned money. And just because we like to make ourselves more beautiful than we already are....does not make us vain. It's not altering, it's enhancing. So do us all a favor and stop shoving your opinion down our throats and quit being so condensing, it's not going to stop anything.
So I was apparently one of few who actually enjoyed this article! I'm sorry but I feel like some people on here just cannot handle the truth. Throughout history women have done things to themselves to catch the eye of a man, the only thing that has changed are the products we use! So why are some women on here getting so offended? If you don't care so much...good for you, but why are you posting anything on here if you don't care? Anyways, yes there are actually men out there who really do prefer the real natural look, but there's a lot who think they do, but what they don't know is that the makeup is just done really naturally....but it's still makeup! Personally I love doing my makeup. But lately I was wondering what makeup look really is preferred by men. What I found was a bunch of men saying "I love when women wear no makeup" and I called bullshit. Just like when my bf says it (non stop)...I call bullshit, seeing as when I look my best, I can't get him off of me (pretty damn enjoyable haha) rather than when I wear no makeup it's a simple "you look pretty today" vs. "wow babe you look hot as f**k" so what am I going to choose? Exactly. So back to my point, I am glad there is a man out there willing to admit that is a lie. Not for all men...I know there really are men who just love a pure face. But there's also men who like women who just down right look fake. So the argument can go either way. But for the most part...what I've personally seen is most men react to a woman wearing well done makeup that doesn't look too bare or too fake and just enhances. What I personally get the most attention for is a sexy smokey eye, lightly bronzed cheeks and a nude lip. But maybe that's just what suits me best..who knows. So to Andrew, thank you for having some balls. I wish my bf and men around the world would just tell the truth (maybe the reason they don't is for people like you ^^ who can't seem to handle it!) and say hey wear some makeup just not too much because I like it when you look beautiful! Obviously it's not everything but ladies!!!! Listen: if you love your men, why not give them something extra special to look at? Like why not? Why are some women SO against looking gorgeous for their significant others? I love doing it. Because I know that's not what matters but he appreciates the fact that everyday he gets to wake up to a pretty face (in his opinion) and that when we go out his friends say "nice job" like he loves the fact that I do this for him and myself....it's not that hard. And he does it for me too! So it's a win win, I feel better when I enhance my features and I get a hot bf in return...maybe some of you guys should try it instead of bashing it. The truth hurts sometimes.....but truth is, looks DO matter, and Andrew is just saying what others are thinking. So don't bash him, don't call him a pig for pointing out the obvious in the majority of PEOPLE...not just men. Thanks Andrew! Mwah!
ReplyDeleteSilly people... I'm a guy who prefers no make-up. Yes, make-up can look nice, but it's fake isn't it? My exes and my girlfriend have all been very attractive to me - but I found the most beauty in their face, not the crap they put on it!
ReplyDelete"There is no point at which you can "relax" without implications while you are both sexually active with each other."
Wow - what a way to put both women and men down in one fell swoop! That's a ridiculous sweeping statement which is simply untrue. Not all men like the look of makeup - not all men think the same. Why is that so hard to believe?
And if a woman can't relax and wear no makeup without implications, what does that say about the man? It says he's shallow and narrow minded and sexist.
No woman would ever hear that bull from me. Women who are reading this: don't stand for it. Ignore this rubbish article and find a guy who respects women, and doesn't pander to media orchestrated ideas of beauty.
Yeah, you are probably a guy that values personality above beauty. We have all heard that one before. Most can admit that they initially attract mates through physical appearance. And while two people love each other more each day, sex is an important part of a relationship. Sex=physical attraction. And most guys don't know what 'no makeup' really is. Most women wear the 'no makeup' makeup look.
DeleteMaybe you are all about all natural girls. But most guys prefer their women with make up, even though they don't realize it. Women don't wake up looking like the super models in magazines.
You sir, are a giant douche. congrats!
DeleteI think its all in the eye of the beholder... I found some guys like my natural look but are thrown off because i look 15, even though I'm 24. Then some guys think I'm hideous, its the same with make up, even though i don't care to wear a lot of make up to begin with because its extremely hot where i live, so make up and sweat don't mix well so i wear a bit of eyeliner, and gloss. But in the end its all in the eye of the beholder, and your personality really, cause face it you can't please everyone.
ReplyDeleteThese women look like shit with all that makeup.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how bland most women look without makeup. I think makeup is what makes guys get too "head over heels" by women.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want too many unsuitable guys hitting on you, all you have to do is not where any makeup.
Personally, I don't want to fall in love with a fake face but with the woman's true appearance.
I think, actually, I know, sex can be great even if a woman doesn't look her best at the moment. Sometimes it builds on that intimacy you were talking about. You hit some details in point 5 that I've noticed could apply even during sex. Either she's alluring/sexy even without being done up, or there's some sexual tension built, or a good relationship...
ReplyDeleteI would add to my previous comment that sexual tension and attractiveness are built in the mind and the same goes for both women and men. It's good when appearence complements that.
ReplyDeleteAny women agreeing with this are out of their minds, I wear makeup when I want to look good for myself not for a guy.. as if. Women are hot with or without makeup, and unless you are a guy who wears makeup and does your hair especially for your girlfriend shut up..? Men like you are so conceited and ignorant thinking your opinion is what counts and that women should bow to what men want.. haha. You don't deserve any woman, you will miss out on meeting the most beautiful people you could in life because you are so superficial and can't see beyond cosmetics..
ReplyDelete"I wear makeup when I want to look good for myself not for a guy.. as if."
Deletelol this is such bullshit. think about it. why would you wear makeup to look good for yourself? why makeup? why not carry around a giant feathery purse? i'll tell you why. because giant feathery purses don't make you more attractive to MEN.
do you ever get all made up and just stay home and watch tv?
"and unless you are a guy who wears makeup and does your hair especially for your girlfriend shut up..?"
men do ALL KINDS OF STUPID SHIT to make themselves more attractive to women. men are trying to impress women all the time.
that's life.
What a wally, honestly....why the hell should women do any of this....what a load of cods wallop. there's a great deal more to life than wondering whether a man finds you attractive. Sort the wheat out from the chaff very easily ladies, don't wear any.
ReplyDeleteYeah you'll sort the wheat out alright, leaving you with the chaff.
DeleteI'm not sure why so many women are apparently against make up. I think it's because...
ReplyDelete1.) They are lazy (I can understand that. I'm lazy too.)
2.) They don't want other women to improve their looks because it will make them look a little less hot in comparison. Women sabotage each other all the time.
3.) They are deluded, spoiled princesses that truly believe they inherently deserve to be seen as attractive no matter what they look like. They are OFFENDED that what they would like men to find attractive in women is not what men actually find attractive in women (I actually understand this too, because men are similarly deluded about what women find attractive)
You scare me with your mentality.
DeleteInteresting post, Andrew. I just have a few questions. Is makeup fake? Do men feel it is fake? I know makeup is supposed to enhance your features and not make you look like a completely different person, but do men feel deceived when you take off your makeup and you look kind of different?
ReplyDeletemakeup makes the woman.
ReplyDeleteAndrew- I think that you are kindly really a superficial guy.
ReplyDeleteThis is a load of crap. I think that the large majority of women truly do look more attractive, cuter and hotter without makeup. Get out of yer box and look at the part of society that is truly unique and individual.
ReplyDeleteOf course all the fakes, posers and wannabes are going to agree with public opinion. They only care about what other people think. However, in my preference of women and makeup, it has absolutely nothing to do with them looking natural.
ReplyDeleteI can't decide if you seem like somebody who has flirted with too many fakes when you didn't wear makeup and been put down with all the guys except for the ones you aren't attracted to, or you just don't have any experience or know what you're talking about at all. It's society kid, and the vast majority can't even tell the fakes from the reals so I'm trying not to be too hard on you, bet over your deal son.
I assumed you were a female, however my post remains the same. You have no idea as to what you're really talking about concerning the majority of males. I'd bumble you just for making that shit up. Women are way over self-conscious as it is. You'd best not make your private info public on your account, this is a dangerous game that you're stepping into.
DeleteOne the surface, this is pretty hateful, and up there with the most ridiculous things I have ever read. Reading between the lines, I find it fascinating that you seem to know more about hair and makeup than many women do.
ReplyDelete***This refers to the impulse and expectation of makeup wearing; not as play or situational enjoyment***
Wearing makeup can be broken down as a daily routine where so many women put on paint because they're not "good" enough... for the likes of you? K. For many, it takes years of critical thinking to realize that being a person is plenty, and that there's whole industries and plenty of dudes that benefit from women's crippling insecurity that's perpetuated by slapping on an *artificial* *better* face than the one they're born with every.single.day. Yes, it can feel empowering, but it's the kind of empowerment that feels sort of like a nicotine addiction. Once you start, satisfying a craving makes you feel calm, confident again, right? No, it's not the smoking that makes you feel better, it's the not having that makes you feel worse.
And you see, your assertion that "the majority of males" feel that women really should be wearing makeup all the time, or at least, so long as it doesn't impede on the males' fun with her, makes me think that it's this male-thinking that women are oh-soooo-totally aware of. Where do you think the "over self-conscious" women come from? Not born that way, I'll tell you that much.
Quote: "Makeup is designed to make you look better; saying that it doesn't is like saying that a fresh coat of paint on a house doesn't make the house look better [...]"
ReplyDeleteProblem is: your face is not a house. Paint looks good on a wall, not on skin. If you limit your makeup to eyeliner and lip balm, then you can't go wrong.
Also: what looks good in pictures does not necessarily look good in real life, too.
ReplyDeleteHowever: makeup does improve looks of not very good looking girls, because it helps you alter your facial features. A beautiful girl will look better with minimal makeup (or none at all), whilst a less lucky girl will look better with makeup.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the point of showing before and after pictures of women with makeup? I find it completely unnecessary. Also, makeup is not a priority. Its funny how you generalize that men think this way. You are very ignorant, my friend.
ReplyDeleteMost men go for what they think they can get, not what they want-- so I would say it isn 't dellusional to say men are intimidated by women, just as many women have insecurities that unearth themselves and undermine their confidence. A man who really loves a woman will not care if nobody thinks she's hot; he will want her. He could've dated supermodels and she can be plain. He will want her. She could spit on him avow to never see him, be a total witch, take all his money, or conversely be an angel from heaven... He will want her. Men definately love harder, which is why they are less forgiving when they get hurt. They can love a woman for years and be married to someone else. It is a phenomenoa -- anyway even if they like seeing you dressed up if you strip down to your underwear and smear pudding on yourself, if he wants you he will still have sex with you.
ReplyDeleteNow a secure man doesn't pick a woman for status to validate himself to other men-- only beta men do that. If a man needs a woman to be a trophy for another man, ut is proof that he is personally lacking. A real man likes what he likes -- to hell with his boys. She could be 300 pounds and bald, if he is into it and confident it won't matter. So unless your man is a make up freak, be you. Most men who are about something will appreciate that. If you are with a man who doesn't find a new man.
Everything about this post patriarchical bullshit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I find the woman on the left in every one of these photos to look kinder, more honest, more approachable, and the "after" pictures that are supposedly "hot" to be fake looking and unattractive.
Going without makeup actually IS attractive to many men.
And it shouldn't matter what men think is attractive or not. Your value to the world is not in whether you are pretty or not, or attractive or not (and attractive to whom? Patriarchal assholes?)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteladies don't listen to this- "he expects you to look you your best during sex" "know that men definitely hold you to lower standards when you aren't made up."" as a man grows accustomed to your look, his sex drive starts nagging at him, inclining him to desire other women (though in a good relationship, this is counteracted by emotional investment, time investment, love, etc."
ReplyDeletehonestly men who really think that way aren't even worth your time...That is ridiculous.....we are human beings who should be treated the same made up or not. and who cares what men think, the world doesnt revolve around what they think. do what makes YOU feel sexy because confidence is what is beautiful and gets you noticed, not the makeup. Yes a lot of people look better with makeup, but it isn't fair for men to expect us to do these exhausting redundant beauty rituals in order to please them.
Nothing is expected of men? Men don't have to wear makeup and nervously do beauty routines in order to impress women. Men arent taught that if they don't do beauty routines, that they should be afraid their girl will cheat on them? See how ridiculous that sounds when you turn it around? I mean cmon guys....be fair here, gain some perspective. put yourself in womens shoes. doesn't that sound awful? You can't expect all this of women..its cruel.
There are plenty of people that are in love and faithful to very unattractive partners! Looks aren't everything, it is confidence and the actual person and their personality. We need to stop teaching women that they have to live up to these ridiculous beauty standards that no one can attain, and telling them that if they don't that their man will cheat. By thinking like that, we basically set it up to make women have low self esteems and blaming them for the man's mistakes. and We need to stop teaching men to judge women, and expect that they have to perform these beauty tasks to gain their love/attention. It just isn't fair and it isn't true. Men need to take responsibility for "desiring other women", and trust me it isnt the partners fault for not doing her makeup the right way, it is because he has these false misogynistic ideas of women in his head.. ;)
Don't tell me to wear makeup or look a certain way, unless you are going to wear makeup too, shave/wax, do your hair, and work on getting that six pack and put in just as much effort as we women do. ;) LOL