I was recently given a link to a blog that I found hugely impressive. Not only did I agree with the author on just about everything, but he also makes many of the same points that I do on this blog - and he is a lot funnier. His writing is geared towards black women, but the underlying principles apply across the board.
Go check it out:
http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/
________________________________
An unfortunately necessary disclaimer (which I am adding a day after the original post): obviously the blog title, Black Girls Are Easy, is intentionally provocative. And although it plays on a stereotype about black women, it does so in an effort to help correct the problems that cause the stereotype. It also does this in the best way possible: by offering sound and practical advice about how to correct them. While the reputation of being "easy" is undoubtedly a burden for the black women who aren't out there perpetuating it with their behavior, the author of the blog is doing more good by highlighting the issue and offering solid advice than he would by ignoring it.
Related Posts
1. One Way to Improve Your Look
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
Go check it out:
http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/
An unfortunately necessary disclaimer (which I am adding a day after the original post): obviously the blog title, Black Girls Are Easy, is intentionally provocative. And although it plays on a stereotype about black women, it does so in an effort to help correct the problems that cause the stereotype. It also does this in the best way possible: by offering sound and practical advice about how to correct them. While the reputation of being "easy" is undoubtedly a burden for the black women who aren't out there perpetuating it with their behavior, the author of the blog is doing more good by highlighting the issue and offering solid advice than he would by ignoring it.
Related Posts
1. One Way to Improve Your Look
2. Hair and Makeup Variety
Have you ever dated a black girl? what about hispanic (I'm hispanic so I wanna know!)? Whats your favorite race/nationality??
ReplyDeleteI've dated Black and Hispanic girls, yes. I prefer Mediterranean-looking women, but I don't really have a strong preference when it comes to personalities.
DeleteI thought you were the geeky white guy who goes for Asian girls. You should get some info on Asian girls. They are easy! I'm Asian and I know how it works: drama, manipulation and easy.
Delete^you're drama...
Deletehttp://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
DeleteIt seems that black women respond the most on okcupid and get responded to the least. And white men get responded to the most.
i saw the (extremely provocative) title and was so hoping this would be the post on race and dating! thanks for the link anyway- this guy made me laugh out loud. hope to see that other post soon!
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm waiting for that post too!
DeleteI do see similarities between the the but this one particular post
ReplyDeletehttp://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2013/02/girlfriend-pretty.html
Stands in the opposition of your core ideas
You're not hot enough that's why guys you want treat you bad (you) vs You are hot enough but you allow guys you want to treat you bad (him)
and
He's too good for you, improve yourself if you want someone like that (you) vs You're good enough and you need to recognize your value (him)
(beauty, beauty, beauty) vs (self respect, self respect, self respect)
What do you think about that?
I'm a girl so it's not up to me to tell the world what men want. But there are numerous instances (some of them my good friends) of women who hardly have any attractive physical features (say, they are overweight and have bad acne), who "score" really high in the dating game. Could it be their sense of value or perhaps their game? Then there are the magazine-cover-pretty girls who go through a string of being dumped by guys below their league. Could it be a lack of sense of value?
That is to say I like your blog and I can still see how i.e. successful self improvement brings a sense of value. So I'm not criticizing, just wanting to hear your thoughts
I also noticed the author of Black Girls are Easy is bashing submissive women.
DeleteHe's bashing stupid women, not submissive women!
DeleteGood find, Andrew. Very funny!!
"But there are numerous instances (some of them my good friends) of women who hardly have any attractive physical features (say, they are overweight and have bad acne), who "score" really high in the dating game."
DeleteAndrew completely over-exaggerates the importance of looks on this blog. They matter, sure (to both men and women)but you only have to look around you to see it's never a simple case of 'hottest wins' when it comes to finding love and happiness.Relationships just don't work like that.
http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2012/10/make-you-his-girlfriend.html
Delete"The problem is that some women have become so accommodating and submissive to the guys they’re in lust with that they give them the girlfriend experience for free."
In that post he advocates ASSERTIVENESS. And giving your own opinions importance
Andrew places great emphasis on the importance of looks bc to put it in short: it simply takes the edge off the competition and increases the pool of men who will be attracted to you. Much of dating is really a number's game.
DeleteWhen you are good looking you essentially start off the dating experience with higher value being placed on you, you can either heighten, and sustain this high value with your personal qualities after the initial impression or completely mismanage it and lessen it.
This initial audition that your looks grant you matters big. With every point you gain, physically, the wider the net you cast into the pool of men who can potentially fall in love with you.
I do find his emphasis on looks to be sound, but do not by any means think it will be the end all be all in your quest for the right person.
@ Anon 9:48:
DeleteI am glad you are reading both of our writing critically. However, I think you are misinterpreting what I write. For example, I don't say "You're not hot enough that's why guys you want treat you bad." I actually say "You aren't presenting yourself at your best, and that is why you don't get as much attention from men as you want."
I agree that "You are hot enough but you allow guys you want to treat you bad." But I don't think it goes against what I say on this blog at all.
In the second instance you are right. I do say "He's too good for you, improve yourself if you want someone like that." But I when I say "he's too good for you" it is with the caveat that you have the room and ability to improve - in other words, it isn't as condemning a statement as you paint it. And when you consider this, it doesn't contradict as strongly what he says on his side: "You're good enough and you need to recognize your value (him)."
In fact, in this second instance, we are speaking to different women: I address more frequently the woman who is lazy or shy and un-self-aware; he addresses the woman who is insecure.
Hope that makes sense. There are actually a couple points on which we have fairly different views, but they are relatively minor and unrelated to the two posted here.
Again, thanks for the constructive comment.
Thanks for your reply Andrew! That clarifies the idea behind your blog a bit.
Deletecan you say a bit more about scoring "high?"
DeleteSometimes what looks like scoring high is all about appearances. A man's true status is determined by so many things and often one assumes he can do better. Some guys just don't have the confidence to attract girls in their league.
I've dated some men who would be considered alphas, but after a while I noticed they were actually very insecure and didn't realize how attractive they seem to women.
By scoring "high" I mean men who are both physically attractive (tall, handsome, well-sculpted etc.) and very successful in their fields. Consequently, they also had a lot of options with women.
DeleteI wouldn't call a jobless handsome guy who sleeps on a friends couch, spends all his time in bars wooing women because he has a great game a "high" score. No matter how confident in dating he is.
That blog is ghetto trash I am afraid. He uses the word "NIGGER" so many times it is nauseating. I would never take dating advise from someone so classless. That blog will probably be helpful to lower class/working class men/women, but it serves no purpose in my life.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I remember reading a comments by you (Andrew) saying that you have no black male friends. Please do not find the first stereotypical black man who writes like a rapper in ebonics/slang and promote him on your black, as if your readers are so stupid to take his advice.
I am not impressed I am afraid.
Hey Anon,
DeleteI agree with you as well. I spent reading the blog and I feel that all it does is perpetuate the stereotypes that African-Caribbean women face in the US and UK a lot today. (Although, nothing he said would at all be relevant in the UK, which is my personal opinion). Truthfully, all I can think is that if these are the sort of women that he is encountering on a regular basis, that say a lot about him as a person and the people he spends his time with. I can say that I have never met a majority of Afro-Caribbean women in both UK and US who act in the way he talking about through my own encounters in the US and UK. Although, I have seen and heard of women who act in classless and debased way with themselves and with men, I would hardly limit this to one race or culture. Honestly, this blog comes across, as misguided attempt to build, an image of African-Caribbean women that I feel does not exist and just the bitter ramblings of a man who should really be more concise about who he dates, instead of going for the first female who flashes him a smile.
To be honest, Andrew, I am rather disappointed that you choose to recommend this blog to your readers. I have been following your blog for over a year now, I always considered you a rather insightful, perceptive and discerning person full of useful information in certain aspects in the dating world. The fact that you feel this blog is a good example of that sort of things that women and especially young teenagers who probably follow your blogs as well should be reading has shown you to be quite ill informed and narrow-minded about certain things today. If you feel that this blog is relevant to your readers then maybe you should a do more detailed and explanatory post about why you feel this way and give us some examples in which this blog could ever be considered as a useful dating guide for women.
What do you people think?
PS: If you feel that I come across as rather defensive, it's because I have experienced this same intolerance, but from the other side. I'm tired of people expecting me to act, speak or do things a certain way because of the colour of my skin. We need to stop segregating people in certain types of behaviours because of one person of the same colour skin who may have acted this way from past experiences.
Well said. I too am disappointed with Andrew's selection. In the past I too have enjoyed his insight and advice (although harsh at times). His tips and pointers can apply to all dating situations regardless of race or age. I guess I am still a little shocked . What a downer. Well Andrew, thanks for your blog, but I guess I will be moving on.
DeleteI think people in the comments above are overreacting. My friend circle consists mostly of White Americans and Europeans and I can tell that many of these girls (sometimes even me) could really use this guy's advice.I don't really see it as race specific.
DeleteGreat job finding this blog, Andrew!
It shows that you're an interesting person. You have a completely different style of writing and I assume you come from a very different cultural background than the writer of the blog. Despite that you can still recognize value behind all the ebonics.
As for black readers who feel offended by it: I do see why you feel this way especially if you don't fit the "stereotype". You have to agree though, that there are women (of any race) out there who fit the stereotype perfectly well. Maybe the author writes directly to them?
Sorry I wrote "White Americans and Europeans" with capital letters and "black" without. That was unintended. I am not American and I'm not sure which one is correct as I see names of races both capitalized and not.
DeleteI live in Houston and trust me, there are TONS of women who fit his description. I thought the blog was funny, but the posts are way too long. He could have summed it up in a couple of paragraphs. I'd be very surprised if Andrew has more than one black friend.That said, I think the commenters above should relax a little. Maybe don't be so easily offended. Andrew never claimed to be a saint. I think your expectations are a little too high. If your reading his stuff like it's the Holy Bible, then yeah move on. I read for entertainment purposes.
DeleteOh please dismount from your high horse. No one is impressed by your sanctimonious outrage and implied higher sense of morality. The fact that you can't distinguish between the pejorative "nigger" term which - as it stands - is of outdated use and the more updated usage "nigga" that is functionally used as a reference to males or even as a term of endearment shows that you're a person who simply revels in feigning outrage.
DeleteJust because a message is delivered colloquially doesn't mean that it is without merit or meaning. If you were so race sensitive, you'd apply some relativism to the blog author's particular culture in America and recognize that people communicate in ways different than you. It does not necessarily follow that you are a better or insightful person than they are. It just means you were born into different circumstances and communicate differently, full stop.
Spare me. And for the record, I am black so don't intimate "white privilege" or whatever other nonsense.
I added my response to the body of the post itself.
DeleteWell said, Cee! I think that the blog is useful and funny. Some people need to get off their high horse.
DeleteOh please. OP Anonymous, get a grip. You can't point to one instance on that blog where the author uses anything but plain and well-written English to convey his point. Like so many out there, determined to dismiss something they haven't even really read, you jump to a false conclusion.
DeleteI've been reading that blog for a while. I take the advice I deem insightful and helpful.... I know what you mean, but it's a favorite and his advice is very good. As good as Andrew's. I've been reading for a few months.
Deletehaha great blog ! thank you
ReplyDeleteI too was deeply offended by this website. Many Black women do not portray themselves in this manner. The words BITCH and NIGGAZ are not synonyms for BLACK WOMEN AND MEN. The fact that it is written by an (ignorant) Black Man doesnt make it acceptable. It is still offensive and degrading. If this is his opinion of Black Women, then he can keep his dating advise because I wouldnt want a man who thinks of me in that manner. But its probably the same reason why many educated Black Women who carry themselves with class wouldnt date a NIGGA like that.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you can't appreciate the etymological evolution and variance of words is most deeply offensive to me.
DeleteYay, now we're both offended! What next, do we now petition for an apology from the blog author for offending your sensibilities and then from you for offending my sensibilities with your one dimensional interpretation of language and your sanctimony?
I'm pretty sure a black man with a history of dating black women would have more access to the behaviors of black woman than you do in whatever liberal, gentrified, yuppie bubble you live in. Get over yourself.
Cee, leave the women on this website alone, especially the bw. Christ, you're like a wild dog lashing out at everyone's ankles. They have every right to be offended, or not. Regardless, YOU ARE NOT IN THEIR SHOES, period. You know...I bet women really love you (that is when they are so stupidly drunk even a wet terd in a clown sute looks like porn for girls). Seriously...
Delete"Education is power. Treat any guy you date like an SAT Prep book and study that bastard as if your future depends on it, because it does. You meet a guy, he talks a good game, cool. Now over the course of the next few weeks cross-examine his ass. Any reputable job checks the background references of their potential hires. Treat your vagina like it’s the most sought after job on the market and check that nigga’s credentials. Men aren’t going to want to give you personal details if they’re trying to play you. They want to stay mysterious that makes it easier to escape when the shit hits the fan. "
ReplyDeletehe's really funny :D
I don't understand all this negative comments about the blog... is it that difficult to be open-minded ?
ReplyDeleteI read this blog regularly too, and it's a good recommendation! To the people who are offended and calling all sorts of race-related claims, please read the blog articles themselves because you obviously haven't! "Black girls are easy", with any common sense, is not a title to be taken literally, seriously at first glance... the author engages in similar humour and blunt sarcasm in his posts, which after removing all the decorative nigga terms, you will find no form of baseless disrespect to anyone. In fact, he is, very respecting of women in general, and wise, and he encourages his female readers to be the better women they can be. His blog is a trove of priceless advice on self-improvement!
ReplyDeleteIm a woman that "does not fit the stereotypes" nor use the language the author uses but I find his blog entertaining nonetheless. He says many of the things Andrew has said, but with a different style and "urban flare". I have been reading that blog long enough to know the author grew up lower/working class but is now married and lives/works in LA with highflying producers(or so he says). I say that to negate the comments that say he is "ignorant" or "ghetto trash". Not true he is just writing in a tongue-in-cheek "urban style".
ReplyDeleteThis statement mat be inflammatory but here goes. I'm willing to bet the people getting their panties in a bunch over this blog are black women who feel they do not "fit the stereotype". Ok thats fine but every time someone uses the words "bitch" or "nigga" its is not in reference to you. For better of worse this type of speech is part of Black American vernacular and its here to stay. I don't see why some are going in on Andrew and the author of BGE. If you don't like it fine but no need to tear anyone down.
Andrew, I think I speak for many when I say I'm desperately awaiting your post on Race and Dating!
It's near the top of my list. Look for it soon.
Delete@Y-"Andrew, I think I speak for many when I say I'm desperately awaiting your post on Race and Dating!"
DeleteI second that Y!
@Andrew
DeleteDo you think you could write subsections within in your upcoming post about interracial dating/relationships within different ethnicity and races? I think that there are unique challenges in inter dating/marrying that differ from culture to culture, so it would be great to see you touch upon that.
Also, will it be mainly white male/non white female IR dating that your post will be focus on? Or will you discuss different kinds of IR dating as well?
To the people eagerly anticipating Andrew's posts on Race and Dating - I would not look to him for advice on that subject, since he has no experience what so ever on the matter. This is not a dig against Andrew, just a simple fact. I believe in one of his posts he stated that he has never dated a woman outside his own race (and please don't say you've dated an Italian - that's still considered white).
DeleteIt shouldn't be too hard to do a google search for blogs that deal with interracial dating/relationships that are written by people that have actually experienced that kind of relationship.
@Melanie,
DeleteIn a recent post, I think Andrew did mention that he's dated some Black and Hispanic women but has a preference for Mediterranean looking women, (which would still be white). I agree that there are other sources women could turn to for advice on IR dating, but I would still be curious to hear Andrew's point of view on the subject as a white male. I believe that he will be candid and say it like it is, unlike many others who keep their true feelings on the subject hidden out of fear of being labeled as a racist. I'm non-white myself and I observe many other non-white women who seem so hung up on snagging a white guy without truly realizing how they're perceived by some white males, (and yes, I know not all white males are racist, but still) or understanding the complex intricacies and power dynamics of being in a such a relationship. I'm not saying I'm against white/non-white IR relationships, but I just think there's a lack of understanding and a lot of unspoken sentiments that Andrew could perhaps help to shed some light on.
Not sure where you saw me write that I haven't dated outside my own race. While I won't pretend to remember every comment I've made on this blog verbatim, that is not something I would have said, because it isn't true.
DeleteJust making a quick estimate, I'd say that I have gone out with between 10 and 15 non-American girls (girls with accents, for lack of a more "official" criterion), and at least three black girls (one American, one Nigerian, and one Somali).
I stand corrected. You've dated THREE non-white girls, and two of those don't count because African women have a different mentality than American black women. I know because I'm mixed black and white, and my white boyfriend has told me there is a difference between American black women and African black women.
DeleteTo Anonymous that replied to my post, I don't think I would take interracial dating advice from someone who has only dated one black girl. Again, not a dig against Andrew, it's just obvious his advice is geared more towards educated, middle class white women. He does a good job writing about what he knows, so he should stick with that and leave the interracial dating advice to those who have more experience with it.
WOW so Africans aren't black? What a useless statement. Please, pray tell, why a woman who is half white, should count as black but full black women from Africa aren't? And please, "because my white boyfriend told me so!" isn't a good explanation. This should be good. LOL, SMH!
DeleteI eagerly await Andrew's post because he doesn't strike me as someone who is overly PC in his views. Nor does he strike me as someone who is racist/has a racial chip on his shoulder, despite some of his posts/remarks. It seems to me, the (white) guys most eager to write about interracial dating are those is the PC camp (i.e. race isn't important at all, to even suggest race affects dating/relationships is absurd. we are all the same!) or the racist types (i.e non-white women are a downgrade/only for sex/would never date one/she'd have to be the hottest woman ever for me to date/marry). Andrew doesn't seem to fall in either camp.
TBH the only thing "racist" Andrew has really said is he prefers black women with straighten hair to natural. I find it odd so many black women would take offense to this when what I see with my own eyes suggests many black women feel the same way. Most black women I see wear weaves or relaxers. Personally, Im a huge fan of natural black hair, its not for everyone so I don't judge black women who chose a more Euro style. However, I don't get the outrage over the hair thing when so many black women strive to achieve a European look. Actions speak louder than words, and black women's actions suggest MANY prefer long flowing hair to their own natural hair.
The only thing I really disagree with Andrew on was his views of dreadlocks. Most black people's dreads are not dirty. Once the hair is twisted you can continue to wash your scalp so long as you don't unravel the twist. After a few months the hair will fuse. Most people I know with locs wash their hair frequently (i.e. multiple times a week) once their locs have formed. Other races hair isn't like black hair so they have to avoid washing if they want their locs to last.
Y- Africans are black, but they have a different CULTURE and MENTALITY from American blacks. You can't deny there is a difference between dating a black woman from America and a black woman from Nigeria or Somalia. The same way as it's different dating a white woman from America and a white woman from Europe. It's simple - different history, different culture.
DeleteAnd I never said I should be counted as black or that African women aren't black. When someone says black the first thing they think of is an black person from America, not from Nigeria or Somalia. We are in America, I'm pretty sure Andrew is from America, so if he's going to talk about black women I would think he's talking about black women from America, not Africa.
And I never said I should be counted as black - it's American society that considers me black, same as everyone calls Obama black and not mixed. I just gave my race as a reference so people know where I'm coming from. Black people from American DO have a different mentality from black people from Africa. Yeah, my BF says so, because he has PERSONAL experience with dating them. He's dated black women from Africa, and he has said their mentality is different from dating black women from America.
Also, I never said Andrew is racist. I just said he does not have a lot of experience with black American culture or with dating American black women. I've dated tons of American black and white guys, and there is a lot of cultural differences between them. For example, white guys like skinny girls, black guys like heavy girls. Nothing wrong with either, just people from different cultures like different things.
Melanie, I said "I've dated 3 black girls" and you somehow turned that into "Andrew has only dated three non-white girls."
DeleteI am sure there are other points to argue but I stopped reading at that point.
@Melanie
Delete"Also, I never said Andrew is racist. I just said he does not have a lot of experience with black American culture or with dating American black women."
If you were referring to my post, I never said Andrew is racist either. I have however encountered white guys who are racist, even those who claim to loove women of color and "have a thing" for certain races and ethnicities. I don't think Andrew has this mentality, but since he's a white male, I just thought that he probably has an inside view on white males who do think this way,and might possibly be able to shed some light on it. Also, many white guys I've met seem to be of the belief that if a white guy isn't dating a white woman, it's because he can't get a white woman. There seems to some kind of a racial hierarchy in the dating world but which is never really openly discussed. I've heard white guys tell stories while rolling their eyes about how "non-white chicks who throw themselves at them," "chase them" and are oh so desperate to get with a white guy. Of course, that's not necessarily true, but I've racists who seem to have this perception of different races who indicate attraction and interest in them. Yes, I know, not everyone is like this, but unfortunately it happens.
"but I've racists who seem to have this perception of different races who indicate attraction and interest in them. Yes, I know, not everyone is like this, but unfortunately it happens."
DeleteSorry, bit of typo in my last sentence, it should read,
but I've met racists who seem to have this perception towards different races who indicate attraction and interest in them. Yes, I know, not everyone is like this, but unfortunately it happens.
Andrew- I'm not sure what point you were trying to make by saying you stopped reading my post. I wasn't trying to twist your words, I'm just saying people should not look to you for advice on interracial dating when you have such little experience with it. I am glad that you at least gave an explanation as to why you decided to post a link to the BGAE blog.
DeleteAnonymous - No, I don't think Andrew is racist either. You have a point though saying that he may have an inside view on how white males view dating outside their own race. And I've noticed the unspoken racial hierarchy as well. I know many white guys will date Asians or Hispanics but will not date black women.
LOL, I bet this post (Black girls are easy) gets the most comments out of any on Andrew's blog. Andrew, you should look into getting ad revenue on this blog.
I stopped reading mostly because I am not interested in having a political or racial debate on this blog (or at all, for that matter...).
DeleteI just noticed you were misrepresenting what I said, so I stepped in.
And just to be clear, the upcoming post on "race and dating" isn't exactly about dating people of other races. It will be titled something like "What Men Think About Your Race" - which just about any guy would be qualified to write about.
@Andrew
DeleteI know you were responding to Melanie, and I'm not trying to speak on her behalf, but I too was under the impression that your next post was going to be on interracial dating, however, I'm sure "What Men Think About Your Race" will be just as interesting.
Ladies and gents, I'd like to announce that Andrew is dating me :) He's great in bed and is hot and brilliant.
Delete...NOT true, but lighten up people. I can see how it can be offensive, but you don't have to read his blog.
the fact is that a large percentage of single women can be bitches and will be ruthless in pursuit of a man. some use sex to manipulate guys into dating them, some do everything to occupy a guy's time (ie having him dog sit for her; pretend to need a shoulder to cry on etc), some flaunt new guys to make a man jealous, and some crazy ones do that witchdoctor voodoo the spammer on your site posts. the world can be a fucked up place.
Can we change the subject now?
@Y, you CANNOT speak for the whole of "Black America", so please pause with the "its part of Black American vernacular" comments. I am African-American and have thousands of African-American family members, friends and associates. Out of all these people I would venture to say that only about 15%-20% use these foul utterances, and by anyone's remedial math, 15%-20% does not make a majority.
DeleteAndrew, I hope that you do not believe that Black women approve of being called "bitches"? It is NOT ok with us.
brownandlovely,
DeleteWe all know which group is MORE INCLINED to speak that way, so save that BS "NOT ALL!!!" argument for someone who actually cares. I never claimed to speak for "Black America" or anyone else. What I DID do was make an observation about the vernacular the author of BGAE uses. Nor did I say MOST Black Americans talk this way. If you disagree, fine but don't pull nonsense points out of the aether and attribute them to me.
Ridiculous.
Wow Andrew,
ReplyDeleteOut of all of the blogs you could have been referenced to you choose one of the most raciomysognistic to co-sign. I was once a big fan of your blog but this is really insane. Not all black women fill that guys warped view of what women are like. Very dissapointed.
Umm, not all women fit the stereotypes of all the other posts on any blog. There is no one-size-fits-all principle. There are always exceptions. Maybe the reason why it offends you so much is that there is some truth to the posts. After all, there are readers to those blog articles.
DeleteI added my response to the body of the post itself.
DeleteThis guy seems to think that it matters a great deal whether a woman has a degree. Do you agree with him? I mean, I have one, but I don't want to pursue a graduate degree and rack up a ton of debt just so I can quit my job in my late 20s and start a family. Am I trusting my boyfriend too much that I'm entrusting him with my financial future?
ReplyDeleteNo to both questions. Check out the post (on this blog) titled "men don't care about your accomplishments"
DeleteThanks for answering my questions! I think it's awesome how you always take the time to give advice to your readers.
DeleteMen don't care about your accomplishments, but YOU should. What if you get divorced and need to support yourself again? What if your husband loses his job? Get a degree, have a career. But don't expect your man to care too much about it.
DeleteI've always felt that women were in a lose-lose situation when it comes to modern life. I honestly don't believe that I could raise my children properly if I was trying to work a full time job. My kids are going to end up coming back to an empty house every day since we're not in a field where they have flexible job hours (law). On the other hand, you're totally correct in that I'll be screwed if I don't forge ahead in a career with a suitable level of aggression as I'll have to feed my children if anything happened to my husband.
Delete(i hope this comment doesn't get deleted)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what's more disturbing:
-the blog in mention w/ REPEATED use of the N-WORD getting recommended on here
-the non-black women posters telling black women NOT to get offended by the N-WORD use
regardless this is the last time i will be visiting this blog.
to the bw posters and lurkers, this is NOT the only site by a male that gives women insight into their thoughts and opinions about women and dating. There are many more sites out there AND they are def more welcoming to black women than this blog will ever be. this sin't the first time the admin has said or done questionable things regarding black women in his posts and he has the right to do that in HIS space. believe me there are wm irl and online who have MANY positive dating experiences and marriage advice with regards to black women.
if you were offended by this post, you have every right to be. just be on your way and let the "don't get offended" crowd remain oblivious :)
I added my response to the body of the post itself.
Delete@bwlivingwell- THANK YOU! You would have serious low self esteem ESPECIALLY as a bw after reading some of these postsm This is American men thinking. Feminine andnonreciprocal. Please travel especially bw..but if you have to stay in the usa look for openminded guys of all races.
Delete
Deletebwlivingwell,
Your comment is spot on. I have read some of the commentary on Black Girls Are Easy... Time is the most important resource that I have today. I will not waste my time overlooking stuff that I find offensive in order to obtain some "nugget of truth." The use of bitch and any variation of the word "nigger" are offensive to me. I will not criticize anyone who chooses to read that blog or who enjoys doing so. I have other sources on the internet to obtain a black male perspective that is hard hitting, truthful, yet they have a more tasteful name and delivery.
I also agree that before people make reference to another "group's" perspective they should consider their underlying purpose for doing so. This is especially true for those who are not coming from a marginalized history. Many times I have found that their underlying issue is to either justify (1) some idea or inner conflict or belief that they and they know would otherwise be met with resistance they can use what an individual from another group said in order to display their true beliefs or feelings. Essentially they can always fall back on: Well a black person or Asian person of Latina person says it too. (2) to compare and contrast in an objectifying matter. This of course results from the belief that the "anglo white" perspective is the norm or standard.
We are all human and yes there are many universal norms that exist. We are also defined culturally and socially and these definition space and from our realities. So when you choose to use a perspective that is from a group that you do not belong to be prepared for the feedback.
Wow.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I begin?
This blog epitomizes one of the fundamental issues within the black community that is so much bigger than the topic of dating. This author, has taken it upon himself to the ridicule behavior of a small portion of our people who are less educated and less conscious.
I've noticed over the past decade more and more black people throwing each other under the bus for a laugh or trying to differentiate themselves from those who they deem to be more 'ratchet' than themselves. I think it is the height of ignorance to make it your business to laugh at behavior that is symptomatic of bigger issues such as poverty, marginalization and a lack of educational funding.
What we need to be doing is healing from within the community. It has become such an epidemic that people from other cultures are beginning to think that this behaviour is somehow representative of what black culture is as a whole.
The fact that Andrew has recommended this website is the perfect example of this. I don't blame him for his ignorance, but I'm disappointed nonetheless.
- Sincerely an educated and selective (not easy) black woman.
I added my response to the body of the post itself.
Deletethanks for the link, andrew! yes i don't approve of the blog name, but the actual posts are really helpful/enlightening for women to hear. don't just bash without reading.
ReplyDeleteAndrew,
ReplyDeleteLooks like you've lost a lot of followers. You had to know you would offend the masses with this one. Care to respond?
To be honest, it really didn't cross my mind. I just thought "here is a blog that makes some solid points and happens to have a provocative name," so I posted the link.
DeleteI do have a lot of followers, but I don't write the blog just to accumulate them; I do it because I enjoy writing and sharing ideas.
If some regular readers are offended, I only ask that they judge this post in light of the ones they've liked or learned something from - not because those post will mitigate the "offensiveness" of this one, but because it might help those readers see that both came from the same (reasonable) person, and ask themselves twice why they are offended.
Next you will post a link to a Ku Klux Klan blogger who writes about why fat white women are unattractive. This is in the same vein as the "black girls are easy" blog.
DeleteThanks for responding, Andrew. And a big fat LOL on the comment above. KKK? Seriously? That is so ridiculous.
DeleteI think it's really ironic that people are posting about how the blog is racist. Since you linked to it, I've read nearly the whole thing, and (as a woman of color myself) I think it's one of the most empowering dating blogs out there.
DeleteESPECIALLY when writers like Rooshv are out there claiming that most women of color will never be considered as attractive as white women. (Whether or not it's true is irrelevant- BGAE at least gives women of color a message of empowerment to stand on.)
WTF I researched the blog you mentioned and I found the passage about how "women who cannot sexually please a man should commit suicide" because they are not fulfilling their role on this planet. Or how they should sacrifice their needs for the needs of a man. Or how Western women are all spoiled because they don't bow to men at all times. That blog is full of shit like this.
DeleteI know Andrew writes stuff like that every now and then (like how women should be submissive and stuff) but at least he doesn't use such offensive language. I find Andrew's advice on fashion and makeup most useful of all posts. As much as a man shouldn't listen to a woman on dating matters, a woman also shouldn't listen to a man on that. It's simply impossible to break down what draws you to a person.
For the above comment, you apparently didnt go to the website at all. Everything you said is far from the truth. I have been following this blog and BGAE for a while and both give good advice. BGAE focuses of waking women up from being stuck on stupid in certain situations and in general how to be a Spartan which is a woman that owns her life and doesnt let anyone run over her including men. If anything it empowers women to go after what they want by any means necessary. If you didnt get that from the blog then there is no wonder YOU need advice on how to get a man and keep one. Pay attention and calm down. No one is trying to sip from the same cup of ignorance as you or anyone else that didnt understand where Andrew was coming from when he posted the link.
DeleteAndrew thanks for mentioning BGAE. I can see the similarities b/t your blog and that one. Unapologetic honesty always wins any day of the week and it doesnt matter how it is written.
The points he makes on his blog are interesting - I just read a few of the articles. One thing though, I wish he'd be concise. Posts IMO are way too long winded. So long winded, in fact, that I cannot be bothered reading more.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can give him a few tips on this:
- Your visuals are / layout is easy to follow.
- Posts are to the point.
- Your sentence structure, paragraphs, whatnot make your posts easy to understand.
Yeah i tend to agree. He needs to break things onto paragraphs.
DeleteGonna be honest; the composition on that blog is pretty bad. I think my eyes are bleeding a little bit, and I'm irritated that my pseudo-racist opinions of black people/culture have been reinforced. Id rather listen to the smug obliviousness of a fox news pundit with a southern accent than one minute of petulant "jive".
ReplyDeleteAs to the content, I saw stupid words used to convey rather less-stupid ideas. But it spent a lot of time seemingly explaining to women that "no, he's not in love with you, don't be dumb." Which should be a universal problem, but now I think that it particularly happens with...
Damn it. I hate becoming more racist.
I have been reading this blog for a year and now I am forced to unsubscribe. This blog showcases the WORST mentality in the black community and degrades/offends and damages the image of black women around the globe. Can you not see how this is complete garbage? Do you know any black women personally? You can't. BWlivingwell summed up things exceeding well. Please soak in her comments and learn from them.
ReplyDeleteJust because you don't agree with everything that a blogger posts, does not mean you have to unsubscribe. No one agrees on everything. If you are doing it out of principle, then there is no need to post about it. Just simply stop reading.
DeleteIf you can get past the ebonics and slang, you will realize that the writer is not set out to degrade women. Also, the writer of the blog is a black man that knows many black women personally. He still holds the same beliefs. So, what is your point? The fact that you think it is the WORST mentality is just your opinion. I am sure that people will continue to read both blogs anyway.
Please stop thinking of your opinions as more informed. When you write a blog and have a following, then maybe others will care to soak in your comments and learn from them.
BGAE focuses on telling women not to be "that" girl and to be smart. Where do you get the idea that its shaming women of color all around the globe? It doesnt matter if he doesnt know any black women personally. I'm black and have friends of all races that like that site. If thats not the site for you dont bash it. Just move on.
DeleteI have been reading this blog for almost a year now. For reference I'm mixed, black and white, and I just spent the past hour or so reading through the posts on the blog you referenced Andrew, and once you get past the ebonics and racial slurs I have to admit there is a lot truth in the posts.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the name of the blog and the constant ghetto trash talk turns the majority of people away. I don't know, Andrew, if this was some lame attempt of yours to respond to folks who were asking for posts about black women or what but you could have put forth a little more effort to find something less offensive. Or you should have just stuck with what you know.
And saying that people shouldn't be offended is a cop out. There's a reason a gay person can call another gay person a fag without it being hurtful. That person has a insight into that person's troubles and pains and understands where they are coming from.
There's a saying "write about what you know." You sir, know very little about black people and their culture, so you should not try to write or post links to things you have little personal experience with. If you did you would know why so many people are offended by the blog "blackgirlsareeasy." If you did you would have thought twice before posting a link to a blog whose title is Black Girls are Easy. Just the simple fact that you say to improve your attractiveness you should lose weight tells me you know very little about what black men find attractive.
Either you are very ignorant posting this blog and not thinking people wouldn't be offended, or were trying to get a rise out of people. Either way you did not help people, which is the first time this has happened on your blog.
And I have no idea why you thought posting a link to this blog would be beneficial for YOUR readers. And I say that AFTER having read the posts on that blog. The majority of the points made in the blog - "blackgirlsareeasy" - would not apply to the kind of women that reads "The Rules Revisited".
But I'm not going to stop reading your blog. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm just going to consider this a momentarily lapse in judgment on your part and hope you learn from this one.
I agree 100% with what you wrote. Although I will say that I couldn't make it past all the "bitches" and racial slurs. I am also a Black woman who was not impressed with this blog, nor thought it was beneficial for me to be exposed to. It was actually a waste of my brain cells to actually try to read that garbage.
DeleteI agree Andrew, please stick to what you know, and also, if you would like advice on a blog that would actually appeal to your readers who are Black women, please just ask us next time instead of highlighting this nonsense.
have been following blackgirlsareeasy for a while now. it really is good. eye-opening and funny.
ReplyDeleteomg!!! people here are definitely overreacting after reading all the comments. I'm a black woman and have been reading blackgirlsareeasy for a long time now. I've read every single blog post and I'm not offended as a black woman. The information there has actually been EXTREMELY useful and eye-opening for me. Its just the author's writing style and appealing to his demographic (black women). He doesn't mean to be offensive or taken literally when he says "bitch" or "nigga".Get over it. If you don't like it don't read it. When you look past that its actually really helpful.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't like blackgirlsareeasy don't read it! It was just a recommendation from Andrew. Everyone does not have the same taste. You're not going to agree with everything Andrew says or like. Different people and opinions. It doesn't mean you have to stop reading Andrew's blog when all his other posts have been so useful and informative.
I am a black woman and the authors writing style is IN NO WAY APPEALING TO ME, MORE LIKE APPAULING.
DeleteI cannot take the author seriously because he calls women bitches. Now, my girlfriends and I DO NOT call eachother "bitches", my guy friends would NEVER call me a "bitch" and my parents (Black) didn't raise me to be called anyone's "bitch".
I find that website offensive and extremely DISTASTEFUL
Hmm Andrew, maybe you could have Paula Deen be a guest blogger for you. I hear she has some time on her hands.
ReplyDeleteEveryone--look at this link Andrew describes as constructively addressing the "problem"... do you agree?
ReplyDeletehttp://blackgirlsareeasy.com/ratchet
Very poor taste Andrew : (
ReplyDeleteAAAAAHHHHH!! PEOPLE!! Chill out on the racist accusations. None of this has anything to do with race.
ReplyDeletePlease don't defend yourself, Andrew (telling us how many non-white girls you've dated, etc...) Just keep writing good articles. That blog was entertaining, like yours. Good to see u have a sense of humor.
I do love the drama though, I must say :-)
I went to this link expecting it would be something that must be good since "Andrew" recommended it. I was wrong. I'm trying not to take it personally that you would even suggest such a blog, especially since the content here seems to be so much more ahead of that "blog"....alas the CONTINUED plight of the black woman...no matter how far she may be from TV "ratched", with one blog she's grouped into the same bucket again
ReplyDeleteIt's offensive, and I hope you don't choose to seek knowledge of how it is to be/date a black woman from that.
*sigh* And my name's Keisha too...so double *sigh*, gotta love stereotypes :(
Anywho, if you're looking for a good read by black males, a more intelligent read, there's www.verysmartbrothas.com. They've got a few articles on dating which i enjoyed as much as yours.
Everyone's has an opinion. I guess for those like myself who actually "live" the struggle, just can't shake off feeling disappointed at THIS particular opinion of yours :(
I don't live the struggle and it offends me. educated people who are culturally evolved don't endorse that kind of nonsense.
DeleteI have a challenge for all of you who find this funny. Walk into your boss' office tomorrow, or even go to work and use the N word...tell your friends and family how entertaining you find a woman with a fried drumstick up her ass. Report how your comments were welcomed... And maybe elaborate on the reason why you would not do that.
Right. Because all of the actions in which you exhibit, private or otherwise, you would gladly display in front of your employers. 100% of them! Because you are the most morally evolved, ideologically consistent, politically correct, and righteous human being alive!
DeleteAgain, what I find more offensive in this entire debacle is the closed-mindedness of supposedly "educated" people. I hesitate to regard anyone as intelligent who grants an inordinate amount of power to a word. If you don't like the word "nigga," don't use it. But don't pretend you're better than anyone else for not doing so.
Be "educated" enough to acknowledge that words are symbols which meanings vary from context to context rather than applying a pedantic and all=encompassing single meaning to a word much more complex than that and frightens the hell out of you.
Again, just because a person communicates informally doesn't mean they have nothing of importance to say. While trying to come off as so very culturally evolved,you discount the masses of people in inner cities who do speak similar to the author and imply they are somehow degenerate for not speaking in a manner which is acceptable to you. If you were born into the same situations as them, you'd speak like them too.
Yay, two of my favorite blogs come together! I love Black Girls Are Easy...although the advice is geared toward black women, I think it can be applied by women of all races because it is quite universal.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but laugh at the sanctimonious panning of BGE for everything from the author's word choices to the length of his pieces, the need that several readers felt to huffily announce that "this will be the last time [they'll] be reading this blog!," and the pervasive victim mentality. You want to be "real" yet you are easily offended, "well read" but you are unable to marshal your attention span to read anything longer than a grocery receipt, "strong and independent" but you want to constantly talk about your plight and how bad you have it, even when tools are at your disposal.
ReplyDeleteNo one cares about how offended you are. No one cares if you stop reading this blog. If any of you whiners could see past your butthurt feelings and rose colored glasses, you'd realize that both blogs have something in common: they are plainly written and address objective realities in dating and sexual politics. Tough? Maybe. True? 100%. Get over it.
This comment for the win!!
DeleteAndrew, I think you have got the meaning of 'Black Girls Are Easy' wrong. It is a deliberately provocative. He is not referring to a stereotype, because, come on, women of all races can be considered easy. All he means is that black women are easy (for him at least) to figure out.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed the blog ;)
Exactly, I agree he is being provocative and his main target audience are black girls.
DeleteThe long paragraphs make it confusing to read as to why some may have only picked up on 'racial slur'.
And you know what? People need to take a deep breath.
I seriously wonder if there would be so much controversy had the blog been "white girls are easy".
We should not take things too literal. Racial slur and stereotype is everywhere. Look at George Jefferson (The Jeffersons) calling others 'honky' or 'zebra' and that show survived for more than five seasons. Then re stereotypes we've got The Cleveland Show, South Park, Family Guy - just to name a few.
Good link Andrew.....very good reads in there. thank you so much for sharing ;) I will always visit your website to give good advice on all things dating. I've shared your site to all my girlfriends :D
ReplyDeleteAndrew, this blog made my day, can't stop laughing! 'Getting a bad chick to say “yes” to a date should be like winning the lottery, don’t let him take you for granted as if you’re just another bitch. You are the Queen of Sparta, owner of a 24-karat pussy that these peasants aren’t even worthy to smell. Show confidence, and you will always be treated like quality!'
ReplyDeleteAhahaha, I feel like a goddess already! BTW your blog rocks, it helped me to understand how differently things are working here in USA:)
Great job! Eva
I was a bit skeptical about the link, especially because of the title, but no, it's awesome. It's my new fave blog, good advice, and it is for all girls.
ReplyDeleteI swear, people just search for shit to be offended about.
ReplyDeleteAGREE +100
DeleteAndrew! In one of the blog posts, BGAE recommends dating a guy you're not really into as a strategy for attracting a guy you actually do like. Apparently when you're not completely single, you appear more attractive and less desperate to guys. Do you agree with this?
ReplyDeleteIt works the other way round too. Guys are always told that having female attention attracts other females. Something about competition, how the female brain subconsciously thinks, "oh look, that girl wants him, maybe I should want him too."
DeleteIt may have the desired effect in the short term, but being a person who manipulates relationships like that will bite you in the ass in the long term. Besides, the effect it has is minimal for men who are secure with themselves. It is only the jealous and insecure men who will want you just because someone else has you. (The same is true of the girls that like guys more just because they have more women - I know because I have used this strategy successfully and I know the kind of girls it attracts.)
DeleteThanks for the reply Andrew, but I didn't mean it in terms of a guy seeing a girl out out with another guy and getting jealous.
DeleteI meant the effect it would have on a girl if she was to meet a new guy when alone for example. She would seem less interested in impressing the new guy, so this could make her seem more attractive. You know?
Already a reader of BGAE, well...not anymore though, after awhile the posts just don't apply to me....they seem to be for rachet women mostly.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of black women, Andrew do you have any advice for us black women who prefer white men but no clue how to approach them? - cause obviously it's not written on their face if they like black women....
ReplyDeleteI have a problem... will you guys help shed light???
ReplyDeleteI met a guy at a bar last week (tues night). My friend was drunk, I was also drunk slightly less so. She struck up a convo with a guy sitting alone at a bar. He looks to be a "badboy" type (full sleeves, longish dirty hair). He complimented my ring and despite my drunkeness...I saw some potential in him so I drank tons of water and sobered up. He speaks Spanish which is a major plus for me, and we even spoke a little in Spanish. I don't know why but it means a lot to me. We had a nice conversation about why he moved to this city and what inspires his artwork.. He's a tattoo artist. He then bought me and my friend a sandwich at a nearby deli. He also put her in a cab and paid for it (30usd) and we chatted a bit longer. i didn't look my best... but he called me beautiful and kept saying how hot i was. I know he was drunk, but it still felt like a genuine connection. We were holding hands and taking a walk and it even felt like we were a couple right away. So strange...I've never had this happen to me.
He asked me to put my number in his phone. I called him so that he'd have it and said ok well I'm going to delete yours so it's up to you if we see each other again.. (i was a little drunk) and he laughed and said yeah I'll call you. and I saw he saved the number and called a cab for me and paid for it. and we kissed and spoke spanish and were very affectionate and as I left he said "See you soon A girl"
It's monday night... He hasn't texted me once. not at all. Why? I was so sure it was real. oh well. Maybe i was way drunk and it was all in my head. I wish I could see him. Should I even answer back if it takes this guy over a week to contact me?
Have some standards. If he's taking a week to get up with you, he doesn't value you a whole lot or he would make contacting you a little bit more of a priority.
DeleteHe clearly liked you but not THAT much (as you can see from the fact he's not calling you). So it's up to you whether you want to date a guy who only kind of wants you. This could turn into a heartbreak for you if you're really THAT into him. Also some guys have no visible limits for spending money on women who they want a fling with. It's the (sober) attention and effort that matters. Admit to yourself that you were attractive to him but definitely not "the One". If he ever calls again make him do work for getting as intimate as you were on the first encounter. It he's not willing to work for it, then you should move on.
DeleteYeah I'd say wait one week tops (i.e. today) then call it done. If he contacts you later, answer - he might have a real excuse. But be very very cynical.
DeleteI think you should consider tempering your expectation. Even when you think you've hit it off with someone, you have absolutely no idea what that other person really feels or what their situation is. They could have resolved within themselves that the encounter you thought was so magical was just a night off from their girlfriend.
DeleteI've seen this tendency to project one's feelings into an object of their desire destroy a lot of people emotionally. You must always remain cynical of anyone you meet, especially upon first encounter, until they've earned your investing of any emotional energy wondering why they didn't meet your expectations.
I know you guys are all right. It was like the oneitis all the puas talk about. I've moved on from the experience. Just doesn't happen that often.
DeleteThis website is great! Thanks Andrew!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so disappointed in you Andrew, I used to read this site religiously, this post has disgusted me!I loved this site so much, to the point that I wrote to you once an email expressing how much I love your content. Then you link this trash.It's heart breaking to know as a Black woman who is educated and smart, who dates inter racially- there will always be stupid people who will lump us all together and associate us with trash.
ReplyDeleteI will no longer visit this site!
And the little explanation that you put at the bottom does not make things any better. For the black women out there who are beautiful and classy, keep it that way and prove some of these fools wrong, don't let society and stupid people (like this trash posted) pull you down. We deserve better even though society loves telling us otherwise!We are worthy!
Delete- a very disapointed and NOT easy black women ex reader
Yeah the disclaimer REALLY isn't helping ... I've never heard of this 'reputation' black women have ???
DeleteIs this an American thing? Because I'm from the UK.
Did you even read the website
DeleteHow ignorant can people be and judge a website based on the title. It's just plain lazy. Please read the "Why are black girls so damn difficult"
Deletehttp://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2011/12/why-are-black-girls-so-damn-difficult.html
BTW the "Why are black girls so damn difficult" post is about how UNTRUE it is.
DeleteI am experiencing so much second hand embarrassment for you, Black woman who is educated and smart, who dates inter racially. Apparently your education did not afford you the ability to read comprehensively at all.
DeleteI'm black too and this whiny sanctimonious shit is exactly why black people can't get out of their own waves. They'd rather revel in perpetual victim-hood.
their own ways*
Delete"I'm black too and this whiny sanctimonious shit is exactly why black people can't get out of their own waves. They'd rather revel in perpetual victim-hood."
DeleteBlah blah blah?
FatNastyToothlessWhiteWomenAndtheBlackMenWhoLoveThem.com
FatMexicanWomen.com
HispanicHoesWith20kids.com
WhiteMalePencilPenis.com
asianfemalegolddiggers.com
Does the content matter?
I'm tired of "ohhh its satire" being the excuse for every degrading thing we see.
Most people, I assure you, have looked at the title, confirmed their stereotypes and closed the tab. If you were "edumacated" as you claim, you'd get that point.
It's not about "perpetual victimhood", its just that, even the white females who have slept with 40+ (and believe me, I've met my share of them in college) people will not have an insulting degrading cultural dialogue about them being easy.
I grew up seeing all the white/light skinned girls getting dating experience while I was ignored in high school.
In college, these same girls got the relationships--their pick of casual sex with players and commitment from good guys (usually both at the same time), I occasionally got a sleezy sexual invitation (based on my skin color mostly), but I put my nose down in my books to escape it. Because being attractive AND dark skin means you're dropped in the "hoe" category even when you're not one.
At 28 years old, I'm seeing the first generation of these non-black girls get half their husbands assets in a divorce, while their bitter male divorcee husband are finally looking at me to make themselves feel better, but fundamentally, no matter HOW MANY EXAMPLES LIKE THIS THEY ENCOUNTER it's because "she was just a bad apple". Me? I'll always be considered easy.
I don't care how many white girls screw the entire black male basketball team and divorce their beta husbands because "sex got boring", I don't care how many "girls gone wild" type Cancun Spring Breaks there are, you will NEVER see something called "white girls are easy". Whenever white women do something bad, American women IN GENERAL get the blame. It's assumed that if white women are doing something, black women must be doing much worse........ The math's not adding up.
I often wonder if I should have been sleeping around like my non-black female friends. I wonder if it would've been worth it to at least try to have fun. It's sad that at my age I can count the number of times on one hand, the amount of times a man has seen me naked.
Don't feel bad for me though, I chuck it up to being a good person living during a bad time.
The blog title is a playing on a stereotype, yes. However the blog CONTENT is pretty much saying black girls are easy to get along with/date/ect in addition to giving women relationship advise.
DeleteAll that other stuff you typed about non-black women getting away with dirt without coming under heavy, racial scrutiny irrelevant in THIS conversation. Thats not to say there isn't a double standard when it comes to appraising the relationship worth of black women (or WOC in general) vs white women. If you actually read BGAE you will find that the author of the blog has addressed some of the points you actually brought up.
You are really taking this post to a place its doesn't need to go.
"All that other stuff you typed about non-black women getting away with dirt without coming under heavy, racial scrutiny irrelevant in THIS conversation."
DeleteIt's NEVER relevant. Here I am on a relationship advice column, and no one had an issue with the topic being posed of black women being easy. It NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC!! Yet, here we are.
Dear Angry 28-year-old chick,
DeleteMaybe try seeing people as individuals rather than lumping them all in categories based on their race. I think it will help you.
Translation:
DeleteDear black girl who has expressed she has feelings (and you're not allowed to have them), you should realize that all other women are individuals, except women who look like you. And that's your fault.
28 year old black chick,
DeleteThe reason you haven't been wifed up isn't because you are dark skin, "attractive," and therefore considered a "hoe" (I think you mean "ho"), it's because you have a huge chip on your shoulders, a persecution complex and you lack the ability to self evaluate.
I'm from West Africa and have lived in the UK and currently live and have lived in the US for much of my life and I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. I live everyday of my life as a brown skinned, black woman and have yet to encounter a need to form a thought that even resembles the vitriol you just spewed here.
Weak minded people focus on keeping score of the wrong-doings of others, whereas those with mental strength focus on self determination.
Get some counseling, dear.
Dear 28 year old black woman. I hope you read this. I love love love what you wrote and TOTALLY get you!!! Dont listen to these people they are not used to hearing a bw speak about her emotiona and how society treats us so they want to shut us up QUICK!
DeleteSee how one IMMEDIATELY called you angry black girl? If you identified as white that angry would not have been added. Thats called a silencer. They call is angry or ghetto or fat or loud etc as silencers. DONT FALL FOR IT!! Its a way of avoiding just how much pain the world has caused many of us.
I.recommend three things. Counseling as I think all bw need it cause we have been bamboozled for way too long and lied to and about for longer. Two...Keep kids and marriage on hold until you do some time with counseling...you want your life and fun first before all those responsibilities.
Three TRAVEL!!!!! Get out of america. No offense but american men suck and in europe men come to YOU with all the standards. It doesnt matter what color you are. Generally speaking a woman is a woman to them and they come as men!
With american men you hardly get romance and they shy from showing emotions..Three words: Go to Italy. It will be a culture shock. Men who think a romantic dinner by the beach is too miniscule to impress you. American men are SPOILED! Half of marriages end in divorce. Those are not good odds. And if most divorces are filed by women that shows you a great deal.
Women are expected to be chaste but sexy. Bombshell but real. Always happy but not too stupid. Way too.much standards for men who dont really come with all the romance, money and loyalty a girl who does all this for him.deserves.
No. Dont listen to anyone here. When has society EVER had our best interest at heart? So what can they possibly know now? Just find out what you like and yoir preferences and exercise your right to live as good as anyone else. Men who overthink about your race rather than assessing your character are men to be avoided
If you ask me its a luck of the draw to find many american men of any race who isnt tainted in believing horribly about us. What they accept from other women wont be what they expect from us.
If a wm wants to talk about easy women then focus on asian women.75% of interracial relationships are between wm and asian women so why not focus on what you know? Cause asian women seem like they would die if theydidnt get a white guy or half white children. Desperation at its finest. Talk about that.
Leave interracial dating of black women to white guys who actually DO date black women and not just for sex or to see whats new.
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteHonestly after reading some of the comments on this post I am surprised that you haven't yet gotten tired of blogging. That's some nerve you need to post provocatively despite the onslaught of "political correctness" going around. Do keep it up.
I came across that blog before and just an FYI, the title is meant to attract/draw you in. Yeah its annoying but it actually means easy as in easy to deal with/calm/cool/attractive.
ReplyDeleteThere's an interesting irony surrounding these circumstances. Andrew writes about the importance of women presenting ourselves in a properly groomed, attractive manner. The reasoning is that, understandably, the outward appearance of a woman can increase the chances of a man interacting with her.
ReplyDeleteYet, that same concept appears to be lost when suggesting websites. The name of a website that insults black women is somehow supposed to be welcoming. People are to look past the title, no matter how crass, and see the purported true value. That's akin to believing that stores that had signs stating "No Blacks Allowed" really meant "Everyone is Welcome!"
Frankly, Andrew is helping to perpetuate stereotypes about black women, especially amongst those who, intentionally or not, do not interact with black people on a regular basis. The "clarification" only compounds Andrew's initial error in judgment.
TL;DR version: Andrew, if you wouldn't eat steak off a garbage can lid, why are you trying to serve that to your readers?
>>The name of a website that insults black women is somehow supposed to be welcoming. People are to look past the title, no matter how crass, and see the purported true value.<< Good point!
DeleteI read the posts on BGAE, and I think part of the reason why Andrew is getting such back lash for posting a link to that blog is because Andrew's audience is so different from the kind of audience BGAE is geared for. Even the pictures at that blog, I could never imagine a women like in the pictures in BGAE even having a remote interest in Andrew's type of blog.
The type of woman that reads Andrew's blog - educated, employed, generally has a good head on her shoulders and just needs a few pointers in the dating department - are light years away from the kind of woman that needs the kind of advice given at BGAE - low class, ghetto and sadly quite ignorant.
It's like blogging for mechanics and linking to a blog about nail polish.
I like your website better Andrew.....it doesn't contradict itself as much as blackgirlsareeasy.com. Keep up your excellent work!
ReplyDeleteA. i'm laughing my ass off, these articles are funny!
ReplyDeleteB. I think the website does a good job addressing interracial dating and what its like to date as a minority woman. I have to say although I am not black, women in the asian and south asian communities (that i can speak for) feel a similar pressure to marry within their race and therefore it really is a game where we jump at the chance and say "you'll do" to anyone who gets us before we are thirty.
I was going to write you an email about my particular situation, but maybe its a good topic for a post too. There are a lot of black and south asian women who put up with shit from their men because they aren't willing/ don't feel comfortable dating other races (pressure from family, in my case). I find it very sad and I think the women get shafted more than white women do. It's particularly interesting because many of us wouldn't mind being with a white guy, it's just the family pressure.
@anon July 1/13, 12:51 AM
DeleteI'm sorry if you've had negative experiences with men of your culture, but please don't rule them all out just because of a few individuals who didn't treat you right in the past. So many women of color seem to misguidedly think that the grass is greener on the other side and that if they could just get with a white guy, all would be well and they'll be treated like princesses. Well, let me tell you something, that is far from the case in many relationships/marriages involving non-white women and white men. Sure, some of them work out just fine, that's great, and I'm happy for them. But there's just as many that experience a lot of shit due to the complex power dynamics of being in a non-white female and white male pairing So many people are just so naive about this reality even though it's so clearly obvious that it exists.
Obviously making an extensive comment about my opinions won't make much of a difference, people who don't like blackgirlsareeasy.com won't change their mind, and those who appreciate the site have basically expressed all the logical arguments there are. I'll just say that I am in the pro blackgirlsareeasy.com camp, and that I hope all the negativity isn't a deterrent for future posts from you, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, what are your thoughts on this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/least-attractive-shoe-men_n_3533083.html?utm_hp_ref=style&ir=Style
ReplyDeleteCan you write something for Asian women please
ReplyDeleteI often read Black Girls are Easy and LOVE and appreciate his perspective. Many of you commenting are offended because you obviously don't understand. (typical) I am a black woman who is educated and I understand this blog as well as the other. I can relate to things covered by both blogs and it's helpful to me. If you're offended and you don't understand it or you think it's "ghetto" and want to look down your nose at the women you "think" he's addressing, it's most likely a cultural thing. Funny though, because he's probably talking to you and has a lot of good lessons you can relate to. Andrew, I applaud you for including this blog. You and he have really great messages for women and I appreciate you!
ReplyDeleteYour comments are difficult to understand because you use run on sentences. If one is offended. If one does not understand it. If one thinks that it is ghetto. If one wants to look down his or her nose at the women who think he's addressing... What is the cultural thing that you mention? Will you explain what you meant my "a cultural thing."
DeleteYour comment is equally difficult to understand due to your mocking and condescending tone and used of sentence fragments. Perhaps your mockery would have been more effective if you used proper punctuation such as quotation marks and proofread your response.
DeleteThat being said, it is quit clear that you have not interest in learning about the "cultural thing." It is sad that in American most people freely consume American Black culture (which is just as nuanced, complex, and changing as other cultures), mock black culture (Miley Cyrus anyone? Shirley Q. Liquor? Just about any white female comedian--or even some of my co-workers- who uses a "sister girl voice" to get a laugh), appropriate black culture (Macklemore, Justin Timberlake), but when BLACK people demonstrate our culture via AAVE (look it up) or jokes that people within OUR culture will understand, it is "ghetto trash" and "petulant jive." Does the blog represent every Black person in the U.S.? Just as much as Jersey Shore represents every Italian person. Seriously, some of the comments on here make my stomach turn.
I am not offended by the blog. I found it entertaining. However, I think it is very naive of Andrew to think it wouldn't cause some type of controversy. As someone (forgot their name) alluded to earlier, you probably live in a world in which you interact with very few Black people on an intimate level, and it is obvious as I read your blog (not a dig, just an observation). As a White male, you don't NEED to understand the issues that posting this link may bring up in some of your audience members. That is the essence of White male privilege.
From reading these comments, I can see that your audience includes (but is not limited to) Black woman that have to fight that stereotype every day and therefore don't find it amusing at all, to those that don't represent the stereotype but can still laugh at it, to non-Black people that think it is okay to tell us how to feel about the blog, to the racist readers that think if they use verbose language it hides their disease.
"Keep doing your thing," but if you don't want a debate on race, which is your right, then "stay in your lane" or be open to the discussion outside of a disclaimer. <----I put the "ghetto trash talk" and "petulant jive" in quotes so as not to offend the tender ears of some of your readers.
*use of
DeleteHey Andrew- I personally found the blog you posted helpful. I am one of those insecure women who needed the reminder to remember my worth. I'm not shy or lazy and have no trouble meeting men, I just can't seem to get past the initial dating phase. I could relate to a lot of his posts and I'm a 27, white, Catholic, upper-middle class midwestern. I've fallen into the trap of "coming over to hang out" and putting up with the guys I shouldn't just so I wouldn't be alone. I've been weeding those guys out of my life, working on improving my attractiveness and following your advice- especially the don't initiate contact rule! Thanks for the help!
ReplyDeleteAndrew, keep up the good work. I really like your entries.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, here is his take on race: http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2011/05/give-that-white-boy-some-ass.html
Funny how men never get described as 'easy'. What a pathetic article.
ReplyDeleteRead this post: http://therulesrevisited.blogspot.com/2011/08/dont-fuck-on-first-date.html
DeleteAndrew,
ReplyDeleteYou say you will be writing a post on "Dating and Race" or "What Men Think About Your Race", so I would like to share some of my observations with you.
In Germany you might classify people into two categories: Those who have realized that people of different race are not basically different, and those who haven't.
I've observed that conservative middle class people tend to have an initial bias against people who are of a different ethnicity. The consequence is that the first thing they might notice about a foreign-looking woman is "foreign" rather than "woman". It is unlikely that they will prefer you for your foreign looks because you haven't even entered their "women" category yet.
This bias can be shifted slightly, especially once the men in question enter into a conversation with you. Furthermore, in settings where I do not talk to men, looking more feminine than I usually do can in fact change the situation completely, because by doing so I clearly enter the "women" box before the "foreign" part gets noticed. So this seems to be the course of action: Make sure I am perceived as a woman more, and I won't even have to bother about my ethnicity really.
I'm looking forward to your post.
Andrew, I just recently started reading your blog and although some of the posts may seem harsh at times, the varied messages revolving around dating and relationships seem valid. It's eye-opening to see this kind of reflection from the male perspective.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the BGAE link, I admit I was a little offended at first. Especially when I actually clicked the hyperlink and saw BGAE filled with a lot of stereotypical images of Black women. But I actually took the time to read some of the blog posts on that site, and am pleasantly surprised that they actually hold a lot of insight and truth. I actually wish I had read some of his posts when I was struggling with past relationships and how I present myself because the messages he gives make a lot of sense (and can be applied to any 'race').
Sure the site could do with less use of the n-word and b-word, less provocative images (and also larger line and paragraph breaks), but the more you read his posts, you can actually see they're educated and reflective (e.g. the one about being single, or racism's existence, or the amount of energy it takes to be in a relationship).
The name "Black Girls Are Easy" actually makes more sense now and I see the positive message in the title: It's the "tongue-in-cheek name for [his] site, the ignorant will always take [him] literally."
Good find, Andrew! I'll be reading both of these blogs on a regular now.
Nice article, there is just one thing i don't agree with, Cute girls aren't wearing fashionable clothes. I totally disagree! Tight clothes or being sexy DO NOT equal being fashionable. Certainly not. It is even easy to look nothing but fashionable with too tight clothes. I definitively fall into the cute category, but the way i dress is very important for me. Rihanna is a fashion icon and sure she knows how to be sexy but she also wears a lot of baggy outfits! anyway...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I don't know why some black women on here are even offended. I've visited the blog and to be honest, the women that he's addressing aka the stereotypical black women, aren't even reading his blog because they don't read. They're too busy watching Real Housewives of Atlanta/ Basketball wives, making twerk videos and looking for their next potential baby daddy. The women on here who claim that most black women are not like this etc need a reality check because the last time I checked, over 70% of black kids are born out of wedlock. This clearly means that 70% of black women have a hard time sorting out their priorities in life. A lot of black women have low self esteem and low self worth which explains the 70% and trust me, the women that he is addressing in his blog are the 70% who by the way are not reading his blog. The 30% of black women who have their heads on and are smart and making better choices in life are the ones who read, therefor they are the ones who are reading and following blogs like these.
ReplyDeleteLet's not pretend that most black people don't read. This is a fact. I once read a very powerful article where a wise man said that if you want to hide something from black people, put it in a book and that says a lot about us as a people.
Having said that, I don't think the blog itself is bad. Yes he's using the N-word but like I said most of the black people (particularly in the US) use the N-word freely. The guy is obviously addressing a certain group of black women and I think that the jargon used in his blog are quite appropriate to the group of black women he's trying to reach. It seems like every time someone says something about black women whether it's true or not, black women get all hysterical with threats of boycott etc and I just shake my head. Black women don't like to be accountable for their poor life choices therefor anyone who calls them out on their bad behaviour will most certainly get attacked and ridiculed. If you're black they will call you a self hater, if you're white they will call you a racist all because they are being called out. So all these commentors on here say ing "oh I'm so disappointed in you Andrew" etc, please shut up and leave quietly and close the door behind you. Thank you!
I think you're confused about he 70% statistic. 70% of black children are being born out of wedlock. That's not 70% of black mothers having children out of wedlock. Think about the distinction. Statistics are so dangerous nowadays because people do not understand how to interpret them. I will break it down further so that it is clear:
Delete10 black children are born. 7 are born to unmarried mothers. 3 are born to married mothers. What this stat does *not* tell you is how many black women gave birth. As is happening among whites, married couples are having drastically fewer children compared to previous generations. The unwed, however, are having more than the wed. That is why the stat looks like it does--not because "most" black women behave this way.
Furthermore, studies continue to show that black women actually have higher self-esteem than other demographics of women.
And on a personal note, I'm honestly weary of all these couch-statisticians who do not know what they are talking about and continue to spread falsehoods about black women.
The blog is pretty "ratchet" itself if you ask me. Are there black women who fit the profile.. Sure. Could I drink toliet water if I wanted? Sure. But I prefer not to.
ReplyDeleteAs a Black woman I find it interesting that a white guy would co-sign on that little piece of trash but ut us proof mysogyny is an equal opportunity employer.
I am not saying Andrew us a racist for posting this, but if I wanted to read about how me and my sisters are all a bunch of man hating, no respect having octomom wannabees in the club looking for daddy I would watch reality TV. I work with girls who have been raped, pimped out, abused and silenced. There are realities behind the funny stereotypes that people like to quickly forget; and for every generalization there are many black women who don't fit the mold.
I think I will stop now since I guess I should be tired for thinking so hard with my small brain, popping out babies with random baby daddies, and performing so many blow jobs that I should go perm my hair and make my ratchet self more presentable.
Thank God gor white guys who actually like black women.
I think this is actually kind of hilarious that the comment section is hating on Andrew for posting this, but once you get past the strong language, the author of BGAE seems to have a lot more fundamental respect for women and an understanding of how men's tastes and preferences differ than the author of this blog. Rules Revisited is far more reductionist than BGAE and really insults women's intelligence at certain points as well.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! Andrew, you've derailed your own expertise on this one. It shows little to no experience attracting or dating Black women. First of all, Black women aren't naturally attracted to anyone other than Black men and Puerto Rican men, period. They try to find others ways of being open to dating men from other ethnic groups, but it is a stretch.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, Black women spend no time discussing or thinking about Tom Brady. Alex Rodriguez they spend quite a bit of time discussing.Any man who does not resemble A-Rod, Denzel, or Idris Alba, looks like an alien from a space ship to Black women. They simply do not say this in public.
Black college women have a sexual assault rate of only 9% across the nation and white women have a rate of 25-33%. Why? Because Black women in general and especially Black college women do not drink heavily, it is not in their culture. The low drinking rate is a statistical fact, noted by academics studying the college sexual assault epidemic.
So then it seems that easy women and are essentially the ones doing shots and waking up with strangers. I think you know the ethnicity of the women I just identified, without spelling it out, and those women are factually and scientifically not Black or Asian.
The 70% out of wedlock birth rate among black women overall before adjusting for economic class and education, is due to the fact that there are more Black men in jail than in college. For Black men not in jail, their unemployment rate is triple that of White men.
In stark contrast, Black college educated women earn more than college educated white women and all other women except East Asians, but only by 1-2%.
The economic distance between Black Men and Black Women while still mating at 95% rates is responsible for the out-of- wedlock stat, not the silly concept Black Girls are Easy!
That is too funny!
Andrew:
ReplyDeleteBlack women are an unknown quantity for white men, because they are not attracted to white men. You need to face the fact White guys don't hold the same sway in universal attractiveness. Black men are the kings of that hill. White guys hold the sway in economic standing, but not romance.
Asian women are the ones strongly attracted to white guys. White women, Black women, Latin women all are more attracted to Black men. So when you can't really exercise a preference for or against Black women, because white men are not on their radar screen, and it takes a lot of moving mental barriers away from traditional attraction concepts to get a Black women to even consider dating a white guy.
Sorry, but those are the cruel facts.
I will never,ever come back to this web site. This was the most idiotic thread. The Black women need not reply they are not 'stereotypic'. The stereotype does not even exist.
ReplyDeleteHere's a stereotype held by Black women that persists and is responsible for your lack of dating experience with them, Black women think white men have very small penises and that other ethnic groups are uncircumcised.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI am late but want to shed some light on the title of the other blog. Despite what you and all the readers may think the author is actually not referring to sex at all. He is referring to the stereotype that Black women are hard to deal with it 'difficult'. Which is common stereotype in the black world, countered by the stereotype that white women are passive and easy. He actually explained this in his About section quite plainly.
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