Dating and relationships are rife with cliche lines and expressions. People hear them in movies or on television, and then rehash them because they seem like the appropriate thing to say when the narrative of their relationship starts to vaguely resemble the script of their favorite romantic comedy. You know what I am talking about - things like "Let's just be friends," "I had a really great time tonight," "It's not you it's me," etc. But one of the most overused lines comes up when a man makes a sexual advance with a girl he just started seeing. Every guy knows the line I am talking about here:
"I can't do that... I'm... I'm not like other girls."
If girls had any idea how often guys hear that line, they'd cringe at the mere thought of using it. I cringe every time I hear it, just because I've heard it so many times before, and hate cliches. But most girls probably didn't realize how common it is, because it is always said in private, out of earshot of other girls. Now you know.
Of course, the irony is that, in the very act of saying she is different, the girl saying so is being exactly the opposite of different. Perhaps the greater irony still is that, from a guy's perspective, her saying so is actually a pretty good sign that she is about to say yes to sex. Some guys realize this more than others, but the ones that do know that the girls who really are different (in the sense that they don't have sex very quickly) don't feel the need to verbalize that fact in order to convince anyone.
Now, if you are a normal American girl, you've probably said this yourself at some point. And that's OK. I've said just as stupid and equally cliche shit to girls before. Most guys have, so I'm not pointing fingers. And actually, I'm not even accusing you of being like every other girl. For that matter, I'm not even saying that you shouldn't be like every other girl when it comes to sex. I am just pointing out that, if what you say is true, then you don't need to say it; and you actually undermine your credibility in the very act of doing so.
So if you really want to prove to a guy that you are different from other girls, just be different from other girls, and leave it at that.
So if you really want to prove to a guy that you are different from other girls, just be different from other girls, and leave it at that.
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Hi Andrew, I'm not writing in response to your post, but to tell you how I wish you'd post more often. This is the best manosphere blog I've found, so far and I look forward to reading more of your articles.
ReplyDeleteIs it a manosphere blog? More like a womanosphere blog, considering it's directed at women! I've been meaning to ask Andrew what his opinion is on the manosphere. I personally find it amusing (you can find me commenting sometime on Return of Kings), but not very reliable or practical.
DeleteI know it's clichéd and I know I should probably take it out of regular use. But it's so handy.
ReplyDeleteIt's a "we're going to have sex" line if he plays his cards right, AND a hidden compliment.
I've always used it in the context:
'I wouldn't usually do this because I'm not like other girls, but there's something so "x" about you, "propostion" '
Also I say this to myself to justify the fact that I occasionally feel the need to have sex, when I'm not actively looking for my long-term partner.
Side note- just found your blog and I'm super happy that it's not totally inactive. Usually I find blogs where the last post was 2 years ago, so imagine how pleased I felt when I saw a post from yesterday :)
"Also I say this to myself to justify the fact that I occasionally feel the need to have sex, when I'm not actively looking for my long-term partner."
DeleteIt's a lot simpler to just be comfortable with the fact that women are sexual creatures and that your desire is normal.
And you the american men can only offer the women an ugly butchered cock anyway, so why should they care??? Stop circumcising the babyboys, it makes them to bad lays when they are grown ups.
ReplyDeleteI'm not only going to agree with your taking issue with "I'm not like other girls," I'm also going to take issue with something else in that girl's sentence: "I can't."
ReplyDeleteIt's not that she "can't" -- it's that she "won't" or "doesn't." Lol, no one is forcing her to not sleep with that guy. She's choosing not to sleep with that guy as a conscious expression of her own will and her own values, and that choice is a choice that she should own.
Granted, this is easier said than done. I'm still a recent college grad and new to the world of going on a ton of dates, and because I've rejected 98% of guys I've gone on dates with after about 2 dates, I've only ever reached the point where I needed to say this with one guy. And that time, I was nervous but went with "I'm not ready for that yet" and told him I wanted to get to know him better before I took it there. It would have been ideal if I wasn't nervous, but hey, it happens, and that was my first time being in a position where I needed to say that.
There may be some truth to your statement, but based on what I've seen most American men are no bargain either. In fact, I could say American men and women deserve each other. I've see so many guys turn into fat, disgusting, lazy couch potatoes more interested in sports than in their families.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I tend to think an intelligent man isn't all that interested in whether a woman can cook or clean, or for that matter bear children. Those things are way on the bottom of my list, to the point of not mattering at all. In fact, if a woman doesn't want to have children, it's a plus as far as I'm concerned. The days when keeping house and raising children are the most desirable life paths are long gone.
As for foreign women being better, a friend of mine married his Russian girlfriend about 20 years ago. The marriage didn't last long. Apparently she did it just to become a US citizen. American women don't have a monopoly on disgusting, selfish behavior.
Nice post, i agree
ReplyDeleteHow is your book coming a long? I promise i'll buy it in a heartbeat as soon as it's released
Well. I am rounding home on the editing and hope to have it out before the end of the year.
DeleteRead this post:
ReplyDeleteAmerican Women Are the Best
Great post Andrew.
ReplyDeleteMy personal favorite line that many/most women say is:
“I never normally do this”.
Ha!
The thing is, it doesn’t actually matter if she does normally do it or not as it’s none of the guy’s business; but the pre-emptive justification is funny.
@ Ladies
It’s OK to have sex when you want to; you don’t have to justify your decision to anyone.
This post might as well have been written about that line instead - I've heard it at least as much if not more. In fact, the two almost always follow one after the other.
DeleteOut of curiosity, would you tell your girlfriend about your blog? :)
ReplyDeleteIs the article about American women being the best sarcastic? I can't quite tell. I'm South American and I'm currently living in the US and had always felt that I was more desirable because (and not despite) that fact.
ReplyDeleteThe article about American women being the best (which I added a link to on another post) is not sarcastic at all. But it is written in response to an unfortunately vocal opinion from some men, that foreign girls are better than American girls because they are more feminine, wear dresses, etc. The author of Animus Empire was making the point that, sure, foreign women might be more feminine in some ways, but the real reason these guys are saying "American women suck" is because they are complainers, not because there is significant substance to the claim.
DeleteI added that link to that page because I was getting traffic from a blog that I know is frequented by guys like this, when the author posted a criticism of the post on which I placed the link.
cf. example comment above from the author of www.boycottamericantwomen.com. I wouldn't be completely surprised if the dude has never been outside the US.
DeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI've read a lot of articles on your blog. There are a lot of good advice here, and I agree with many of your points. One thing I don't agree with 100% though is the undercurrent throughout your articles that there is a "feminine" way to dress and behave to be attractive to the most number of men, and by implication there is a "masculine" way to behave as a man to be most attractive to women.
I'm an American man who is naturally more sweet and caring. Over the last 2 years I've gone on dates and had short relationships with 30+ women before finding my current girlfriend of about 4 months. In the beginning I tried to display more masculine traits, but ended up coming off as inauthentic much of the time. It wasn't until that I embraced my sweet and caring side that I found my current girlfriend, who very much likes that side of me. Many of my female friends agree with me on this assessment. They've often told me that trying to impress women all the time with masculine traits was what was holding me back. It's probably true that if I were actually more masculine (as opposed to trying to be masculine because I'm "supposed" to be), then a greater percentage of women will like me. But that's not what dating is about. Rather, it's about finding unique people who are a good fit for my personality, which may be common or rare depending on each person's authentic personality.
Perhaps you've addressed these points in your blog, but I just feel that it should be stated more. Otherwise a lot of women might feel pressured to be someone they're not, and attract the wrong kinds of men.
Of course, just because I became more successful because I embraced a certain aspect of myself that I neglected doesn't mean it's true for every one. Each person's situation is unique, but please keep in mind the dangers of forcing every woman to be attractive in similar ways is counterproductive.
John,
DeleteThanks for your comment. I agree that you should not try to force yourself into a masculine mold if it runs contrary to your nature. However, I also think that you are somewhat exceptional in this sense. In my experience, more men are repressing their masculinity than attempting to put it on - in the same way that more women are repressing their femininity than trying to play it up. (I am talking about authentic masculinity and femininity here, not weight lifting and high heels.) We live in the wake of a sexual revolution, and I am not talking about what happened in the 60s or 70s; I am talking about what has happened in the West over the last 300 years. Sexual roles have been almost completely thrown out the window, and many men are left to believe that they need to be apologetic about their sexuality or desires, rather than master them.
This doesn't mean that you are wrong to let yourself be less masculine; but it does mean that it is wrong in projecting your situation onto men in general. This blog is addressed to cases more typical than yours, and I can see how that would come across as off-base to someone who doesn't fall in the dead-center of the bell curve. I suggest you read these posts to get a better grasp of what I am talking about here:
Femininity, Authenticity and Compatibility
About This Blog
CLEO Magazine Interview
The real irony is that if most girls use it, it means most girls *aren't* slutty.
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